<p>Our family realized when our kids were in elementary school that we were in that awful gray area that you describe. We decided to cut back our lifestyle at that point, which produced two benefits: (1) we saved a good deal and (2) our spending is already lower. The numbers still look terrible, but at least they are manageable. It is discouraging to think that I am sending enough money for a nice new car to college each year while I continue to drive my 2001 Chevy with 170k miles.</p>
<p>If your family is not even in the ball park after reviewing the NPC, the situation will unfortunately not improve dramatically by applying RD. You can try ROTC scholarships or cross your fingers for an AB Duke but there aren’t too many other alternatives.</p>
<p>I would encourage you to look at the Financial Aid discussion board. If your son is competitive for admission to Duke then he is likely also competitive for merit scholarships at a large number of schools (perhaps Tulane, Northeastern or Furman might appeal). There are more options between Duke and State U.</p>