Maybe there are pairs of states that could work for your kids, with the engineer in the light blue state and the LAC(? I assume) student in the dark teal state? Like engineer at Marquette in light blue Wisconsin (although Milwaukee and Madison are the liberal areas) and the other in the dark teal Illinois? Same with PA and the surrounding states that are teal.
Even in the dark teal states, there are going to be areas of the state that aren’t friendly to all and any college can be in that area. The same with liberal areas of ‘not friendly’ states, but the trans kid probably wouldn’t want to live in even a friendly city of a not friendly state (but might be okay to visit).
But the second student wouldn’t be living in the light blue state just visiting. Same could be true of schools near light blue PA (Maryland, NY) if the engineer likes schools in Philly. The OP is looking at small rural schools in upstate NY which may not be as accepting as bigger cities if living there, but visiting may not even be an issue.
It’s not quite as simple as literally expecting his brother to visit. That might happen, and if so he would absolutely want his brother to feel safe and welcome, and not feel anxious about the travel or the environment.
But unless they are quite close, my guess is that rather than visiting each other often they will make sure to be home at the same time, in bright blue Maryland.
The reality is that being his brother’s twin and protector and advocate is a large part of who he is, and being in a place where that piece of him is safe and acknowledged and celebrated is important to him. Plus I think he would feel disloyal to use his privilege to go somewhere his brother couldn’t go? I am not sure I am explaining it well.
He does have some schools on his list in PA (Pitt, Temple, Drexel) and VA (VCU) which satisfy his desire to stay close to home, and of course they are young and have more than a year to go before applying. So, all this might change.
With a 4.0 and 35 assuming good rigor, he’ll get into UMD.
A trans student will feel fine at many campuses, even in the South. They are not living there. Kids are kids - you can have some uncomfortable in the North or South. A visitor is different than living somewhere which may be more impacted by state laws. But if you’re assuming kids or others are going to treat them negatively, well, that can happen anywhere but it’s not going to happen because you are in the South. People are people.
Schools that will automatically hit based on merit are Alabama, UAH, Mississippi State, Kansas, Kansas State, WVU and more. New Mexico is another. Others listed above may hit - but if you want assured to hit. Temple may but may not. There are plenty of LGBTQ students in the South - but I suspect you’ll be fine with UMD. But I don’t see the others listed as definitely will hit. The ones I mentioned definitely will hit.
Feeling fine on campus is only part of it. He deserves to feel safe in the airport, and in the restroom at any establishment like a restaurant that they might visit off campus.
Students are living on campus and in that state for four years, so state laws, as well as the general environment and attitudes toward transgender people, are definitely important factors to consider.
Reminder that the OP has already stated their preferences for location, multiple times. This is not the place to debate the OP’s choice. Posts hidden and deleted.
