A guy that I worked with actually changed his name to her name. I didn’t plan to change from my maiden name, but our admin person at work was kind enough to fill out the paperwork, so I just went along with it. Then when I got remarried, I kept my exes last name, because it was easier to have the same name as my children. (We had no plans for an “our” child). My kids are now grown, and my ex finally remarried recently, but I still have his name. Too late to change now. He’s never indicated it bothered him, and we don’t have any friends in common any longer, so it doesn’t seem to be a problem. Only person who ever called me by current husbands last name was HIS father. He just didn’t know any better. I don’t think he ever knew that wasn’t my real name. He meant well, and I just smiled and nodded.
When H and I married (40 years ago yesterday), we both hyphenated, so he and I, and our D, all have the same last name. Not sure what D will do when the time comes, but I suspect she will keep our family name as that was the one she had while competing as an athlete.
I never had a middle name, and didn’t change my name when I married. Very simple. Except for the fact that my last name is difficult for people to comprehend, even though it is actually pronounced just as it is spelled. Oh, well.
I changed to firstname middlename marriedname. I really like my original middlename, which has a lot of history from my Mom’s side. However, as a writer, it would have made more sense to publish under firstname maidenname marriedname, since I started out my writing life as firstname maidenname. But I didn’t think it out, and so my published name is generally firstname marriedname, with no connection to original name. Oh well. Another lifetime…
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Except for the fact that my last name is difficult for people to comprehend, even though it is actually pronounced just as it is spelled
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Same here, but that never stopped people from doing double takes and saying, “what”???
I kept my name, even though it was my stepfather’s name and not my birth name. I saw no reason to change it. We hyphenated the kids for a total of 3 syllables in the last name. When daughter got married she took her husband’s less appealing last name and dropped the hyphenated stuff.
H and I hyphenated our last names and we both kept our middle names. I wanted to just keep my name, but we couldn’t figure out what name kids should have, so we hyphenated. It makes it long and my hand gets tired when I am signing papers at work (and sometimes that is all I do all day).
I don’t know what the kids will do when they marry. Or if they will change it even if they don’t marry. D is applying to med school, so I imagine she will keep whatever is on her med school diploma the rest of her life, but maybe it will be changed before she graduates?
I kept my name (and am quite happy I did, the hassle of changing i’d’s etc would have been a pain), husband kept his, kid is a hyphenate…That’s the one I worry about. Given the number of hyphenates out there I wonder how many will end up with four word last names like Ann Smith-Jones-Rogers-Lee. Yikes. I think my kid would prefer one last name and once threatened to shorten her last name by combining the first syllable of my last name and final syllable of her dad’s. Honestly, I would be fine with that.
My maiden name was misspelled constantly, so I was happy to get a simple Husband name #1. I kept it after the divorce and then took Husband name #2, which is sometimes mispronounced but only rarely misspelled. I would never go back to the PITA maiden name.
On the subject of giving up middle names, SIL gave all 3 of her kids HER maiden name for a middle name (a la John Smith Jones), so giving that up might be a bit tricky. S and D have middle names that sounded nice and have no particular significance, so they could probably give them up if necessary.
And missypie, your thread title is totally sexist 
One of my HS male classmates also changed his name to her last name - she divorced him and he still kept their last name (maybe because of the kids).
My middle name is Marie and my maiden name was only 4 letters; h’s name is common with 5 letters. I decided to go traditional. When first moved to our state, they used all 4 on driver’s license. When license renewed, I only glanced at what they showed me - they dropped my middle name as they went to only having 3 on DL. I had to submit my voter registration and other documentation to have DL switch my middle name back to Marie.
Maiden name and married name often get mis-pronounced.
The problem with hyphenating a name is some parts of the world do it with maiden name after H’s name; others do it before. For example, in Switzerland, maiden name is after h’s on hyphen.
Friend had a heck of a time here in the US getting son’s birth certificate and her records (her maiden name was on the front of the hyphen). Kids have H’s last name, only she has the hyphenated name - I don’t remember if she gave her kids her maiden name for their middle name.
@anxiousmom1 I don’t think that’ll be an issue (the 4 hyphenated names). Everyone I know with a hyphenated name has chosen to keep their name as-is when they married or changed it to the husband’s name (yes, none the other way around). Hyphenating married names seems to be going out of style- much more one or the other (maiden or married) with hyphenated kids names.
I didn’t know there was a “standard” for where hyphenated names go when you hyphenate your kids’ names.
Re: names and graduation and whatnot, I actually had a few friends who were getting married soon after graduation legally change their names BEFORE graduation. I didn’t know you could do this (as I thought you had to present the marriage certificate) but apparently there are other ways of doing it (some court thing). They thought it would be easier to just have the married name on diplomas and when applying for jobs. I don’t know if it was but I thought it was interesting.
I kept my name and have never regretted it. We gave our 3 kids hyphenated names. They don’t seem to mind and enjoy being the only ones in the world with their names. We did give all of them short first names. As far as what happens when they get married and have kids, I heard from another family member that my oldest and his wife (who also kept her name) plan to drop my part of the name and just use my husband’s name as the children’s last name. On the other hand, one of my other kids told me that for his chosen profession he plans to drop DH’s name and just use my last name since it sounds much better with his first name. 
In response to an earlier comment about things people have said upon hearing that a woman is not changing her name, I had a cousin ask me why I was getting married if I wasn’t changing my name!
My mother kept her maiden name (which I’m glad she did, all things considered).
If I ever get married, it’s her choice, but I wouldn’t want her to drop her maiden name. It was actually for a reason similar to this- by the time I get married, too much paperwork would be involved if she wanted all her documentation to reflect whatever her choice was.
Also, my name is pretty weird to pronounce; I’d rather spare her from that trouble lol
I changed my name, but one of the things that made me sure that hubby was “the one” was that he said he was totally willing to change his name to mine. His is one of the most common last names, and my immediate family name ended with me due to a propensity for girl children in the family. I am happy to have taken his name but it meant the world to me that he would have been willing to do that for me.
After I got married, I used my (very unusual/hard to pronounce/spell) maiden name as my middle name, and used H’s much easier/fairly common last name. I dropped my middle name, which I didn’t like much. It had the same initial as my maiden name, so I have always used First Name, Initial, which didn’t change. Unfortunately, the last time I moved, for some reason I must have used my passport (which has my full maiden name spelled out as my middle name) as an ID for my new driver’s license. So my license has my first name, long/foreign maiden name, and short last name on three separate lines. Whenever I use it as an ID, my middle name appears to be my last name, and the short last name is overlooked-- they always double check because it appears that the last name doesn’t match. Stuck with it now.
I’ve never liked hyphenated names. I wouldn’t want my kids to have my maiden name–other kids made fun of it when I was young–it can easily be twisted to sound like a not-so-pleasant English word. I always feel sorry for kids who have names that people snicker at or tease about. I wonder why the parents kept that name. One of my cousins dropped his ethnic last name when he married–he and his wife both changed their last names to something entirely different that they both liked.
Names are important. I chose to keep my name some 30 years ago partly because it was easier professionally- I was Dr. X and he Dr.Y (better for the same answering service although I would pull their chain when one of the ladies consistently asked for “the doctor” even though I knew he, not I, was on call- and different specialties- Hey, it was possible someone wanted to talk to me; annoyed because the ones who did it thought in terms of only men being doctors). Plus, I had established myself in my name and didn’t want to change licensure et al plus have diplomas be different. Most of the physician couples (married) in town back then had different last names.
Hyphenating- I hate it. What do people do the next generation- keep adding names??? Or they end up dropping one or more (two hyphenated names gives kids 4…). I tell people it would have been 20 letters plus the hyphen. I figure that if anyone could duplicate my name correctly and fast they almost deserve the forgery. And what order do you use? Yours-his or His-yours??? With the first you may as well not hyphenate as you will fall into a different part of the alphabet et al. Perhaps those with short/common names have never experienced the problems those of us with unwieldy names have.
IF I had changed my name I would have kept my middle name- can’t see a last name as a middle one- those are like first names in my experience. Thank goodness our cousin got the dreaded passed along middle name instead of my sister or me- and cousin had a son…
As to taking away a woman’s identity- worse in traditional Indian culture. There the woman not only takes her Husband’s last name but uses his first name as her middle name. All the kids get their father’s first name as the middle name. When you change alphabets you get to change letters for the same sound (English is such a wonderfully complex language) so parents and adult kids here had different spellings.
It would have been easier to have H’s last name but tough luck, people. The schools et al learned that mother was not Mrs. Y- that’s my mother-in-law. Also there’s no Mrs. X- it’s Dr. X- only emphasized in situations where he is called Dr. Y (hey- if they want to recognize his education I get mine recognized…). If H had had a very short last name I would have changed mine for the convenience.
It is totally unfair to assume names are only a certain length. Mine is shorter than some of the Van etc names where we lived- 16 letters in some! Also annoyed when people panic at longish names that are so phonetic like H’s. Mine has been Americanized and I likely wouldn’t recognize the correct European pronunciation. I hate truncating names because not enough space is allowed. Those of us with longer names are less likely to be confused with someone else with the same name, however. Years ago I also disliked it when a bank teller/ grocery store cashier would use my first name after hearing her use last names with the people ahead of me just because mine wasn’t easy (they got them from checks/credit cards). Better to not use names at all.
No ideal solution.
Here is how it is done in many Spanish-influenced cultures (and how others commonly make mistakes when encountering people with double surnames): http://perez.cs.vt.edu/twolastnames
The simplest is not to change name at all. The wife changing name on marriage seems rooted in the archaic idea that a married woman’s identity is primarily as “Wife of Mr. Husband” rather than having her own individual identity.
I took my husband’s last name. Have never regretted it. Both my DILs took our last name. They seem pleased. Even though both are professionals. One a Doctor. Seems to me to be more of a commitment to one family unit. In my extended family only one sister kept her maiden name. She’s been married twice so far. Both her children are already divorced.
I don’t see the big deal. I didn’t give up a darn thing when I changed my name and gained so much more.
Off topic but I wish more women would include their maiden names on Facebook. I recently received a FB friend request from a “Cindy”. We have 16 or so mutual friends all of whom were our HS classmates so I am sure I know her. But there were 500+ in our class and at least a dozen Cindys. Most have been married and some multiple times. I have no idea which one she is!
So @3bm103 are you implying that there is correlation between not taking the H’s name and marriage failure - and then extended failure for the offspring because their mom didn’t take her H’s name?!
I see implying that as a BIG deal!!!