Both my parents (and both sets of grandparents) were wildly affectionate and told me and my brother that they loved us every day, at minimum every night before bedtime. Tons of hugs and kisses, too. My entire family is like that. The first time I encountered otherwise was my HS BFF who was the youngest of five and born when her parents were in their late 40s; it was more a case of benign neglect (and fatigue?) than anything else, but she felt unloved and went to extremes (IMO) to make sure her kids knew each and every day how much they were loved/valued/revered/worshipped. To me, it seemed overdone and theatrical at times. The kids turned out OK, though.
My husband is incredibly affectionate and doesn’t care who knows it. As I’ve gotten older, I have to admit that his demonstrativeness sometimes annoys me, but I’m grateful for what I have. His parents, OTOH, are much more reserved than mine and his mother has never warmed to me. The feeling is mutual, so I don’t lose any sleep over it. We are all civil when we’re together, but there is no hugging or kissing.
My apologies, have not read all of the responses. Early '60s born, with older sibs, my parents were born in the '20s. My parent were not physically or verbally demonstrative but still communicated deep love and affection for us. I knew I was loved, though I do remember some challenging teen years when my mother – god bless her – said she loved me, but did not like me right at that particular time. If I could put myself in her shoes, I’m pretty sure I’d agree with her, I was pretty challenging.
Perhaps in some intuitive response to my own childhood where I did feel special and loved, but perhaps missed the expression of it – my kids and I almost always end phone calls and text exchanges with “I love you.” Though I think they are perhaps less aware of the significance, or impact, of showing love and affection through actions – like doing things to help out the other person.
I hadn’t realized that my family didn’t verbalize their affections until my dad was on his deathbed and I knew I was seeing him for the last time. I wanted very much to take the opportunity to say a meaningful goodbye, obviously including saying I love you, but boy was it hard to get out the words! Later it occurred to me that it might have been because I couldn’t recall the last time I’d said those words to him, and now I see that in order for it to feel and sound more natural from now on, I need to practice doing that with other beloved family members before it’s too late!
My parents were not huggy-kissy and my husband and I aren’t, either. One of our grown children is like us; the other is very physically affectionate. His girlfriend loves it, which is nice. I do wonder where it came from, though.
Not really. I took matters into my own hands as I got older and began hugging my mom and telling her I loved her. Then she began reciprocating. It was just something she had not experienced much in her own life.