At one daughter’s school, if there is a roommate issue that can’t be resolved and a move is needed, both students have to move. This is to prevent one accusing the other of something just to get a move. It inconveniences both students, making it beneficial for them to work it out.
Being chill sometimes or even most of the time just makes it scarier when the bomb goes off.
I think Ashly could have avoided this by being nice. “I’d really like to have the desk by the window and one of the built in closets. I’d be willing to take the top bunk over the lower bunk as that seems a less desirable bed if I could have that desk.” or “I think it is fair that the person who gets the desk by the window should get third choice of beds.”
It’s the demanding first choice of all that made her sound unreasonable and threatening.
Good for UCLA for reaching out to these students.
Not good for the students for taking this all out on social media. Having college roommates is tough enough. Airing every little detail publicly…not so necessary.
Then I guess you also don’t accept at face value Ashly’s self-acknowledged description of herself as having “anger issues” and of being a “ticking time bomb that sets off when certain things I don’t like happen to me.”
Sheesh, I am not trying to justify Ashly’s description of herself as a “ticking time bomb.” It’s pretty clear that Ashly expresses herself in a manner that is quite foreign to most of us. If we ever find out about Ashly’s background, it may be possible to understand why she approached the conflict the way that she did. Or maybe not.
Do we know that Ashly actually exists? Do we know she actually wrote this? I’m unconvinced.
Okay, I am guilty, I posted on page 3, but am astonished that this has 12 pages of posts. Everyone – this is about who gets what bed and closet in a triple dorm room. I think we need to not talk about this anymore, what messages are we sending these girls ??
There was a thread about a month ago from a freshman who moved into her room after the roommate did, and the roommate had taken over both closets, both dressers, etc and had lofted her (the poster’s) bed and was using the space under there as well. The poster handled it beautifully and there was a happy ending (she got moved to a desirable single for the cost of the double and the RA who had been dismissive was let go) but I’m wondering what story would have been concocted to try to explain away or justify or empathize with the “bad” roommate in this case. Background? Ethnicity? Income level? Feeling left out? Or maybe just an entitled jerk?
QM, you have such a heart of gold that I suspect it physically pains you to think ill of someone and you want there to be a justification. Sometimes people of all stripes are just jerks.
Don’t know whether Ashly was privileged or under privileged, public or privately educated. But she sure is lacking basic writing skills. Which begs the UCLA admissions decision. And privileged or under privileged, public or privately educated she also lacks basic common courtesy and manners.
Many of you may know that Stanford’s application asks students to “write a note to your future roommate”.
At this moment, 100 high school students are double dog daring their friends to submit Ashly’s letter 
Not necessarily. I’ve seen much worse not only from my own college classmates at Oberlin*, but also undergrads, ug alums, and even a few grad students from elite colleges…including Columbia and Harvard. Cases include not only writing in academic settings, but also professional ones which caused serious issues with supervisor and senior corporate executives at one former workplace.
- Including those who had the benefit of respectable/elite private day/boarding schools.
Yet you posted.
As far as I am concerned, this is not about the distribution of assets in a room. It is about the advisability of airing private matters on social media, putting one’s name and that of other people out there with or without their permission, and the maintenance of a reasonable degree of privacy.
This story was featured on our local CBS news station tonight. Bad enough that it was all over social media but to appear on a South Florida local news program is nuts.
Agreed that this is not about the distribution of assets.
Disagree that this is an issue about the appropriateness of airing private maters on social media. The medium by which the story was shared is immaterial.
My take:
You forfeit the privilege of social privacy when you engage in outrageous, pathologically rude, antisocial behavior in front of strangers. It’s like having a meltdown in a quiet restaurant.
@ Cobrat…that is just sad.
Bad writing reflects badly on the writer. And if that writer gets accepted to a University…it doesn’t reflect well on that institution either.
PrimeMeridian – so you believe that any and every email ever sent to someone who is not a relative, business associate or friend that has rude or even mildly inappropriate language is fair game and can be made public, through social media and then newspapers and TV?
I truly hope society never reaches that standard.
Back in the old days, if I had a meltdown at a restaurant the only people who would see it are the patrons at that moment. It would not be seen by the entire world. Today if that happens, someone could put it on YouTube and then the world would see it. We can have a discussion some other day about how appropriate that is – but my opinion is that there are rules of common decency and etiquette that says everything does not need to be publicly exposed. Yes technology today means that it can be made public but do,we really want it to? Do we really want to encourage that?
You are right, PG #168, that I like to think the best of people, and generally look for reasons why they might be acting in a way that seems anti-social. Sometimes there are some. But you’ve kind of got me with the example in post #168. I’m going to have to go with “entitled jerk,” in that case.
Should we encourage it? I don’t think so, but some people do. But the reality today is that social media has brought back the scarlet letter.
Memo to people prone to act like 2 year olds: Beware…
I used to remind my parents on an irritatingly regular basis…these here is not the old days. Adapt or suffer the consequences.