From Wired Magazine: How to raise racist kids

emeraldkity4 · February 26, 2010, 4:21pm

If kids grow up seeing ethnic diverstity as a regular normal part of life that Mom and Dad regularly do they will become far more focused on behavior and common interests as they choose thier friends and far less on skin color or relgiion or nationality or whatnot.

But part of that is also- it is ok to be who you are.
It is OK to want a certain " cohort" of people that you share interests and values with, in your neighborhood.
Thats why I live in Seattle and not Orange County.
I wouldnt attend a church with views opposite to mine for the sake of diversity- although I may accept a friends invitation to visit.
Since my family has been in this country for at least several hundred years, I don’t have strong ties on the surface to other cultures, but that doesn’t mean that I am not curious about them and don’t celebrate the cultural background I * do* have.
Which is pretty white/Scandinavian/Northern European.
I like living in an area which has attracted in the past those from Scandinavian countries- it wasn’t unusual to hear Finnish or Norwegian spoken at the grocery store.

My husband has even a stronger Northern European background, his grandparents were 1nd and 2rd & generation immigrants on both sides, ( two)from Sweden, Norway & Italy.
It meant a lot to him that my daughter was able to study Swedish at the local museum.

I haven’t had my DNA checked, but I suspect I am related to Stephen Colbert in some way because we are in the " whitest people ever" group, ( although I am a redhead- so I am even * whiter* )
BTW, I hated descriptions of me when I was younger to be based around the color of my hair. I didn’t want attention drawn to it- I felt like it kept people from remembering anything else about me, and so few other people had it, that I couldn’t blend in.
It still doesn’t blend in, but it doesn’t bother me like it used to, although since I have face blindness and have trouble remembering people I have met or even spent time with, I feel like I am at a disadvantage cause to me they all look the same. :o

But wanting to affliate with those who are similar, doesn’t mean that those who want to find out more about lutefisk * c’mon, I know you are out there somewhere*, but their background is Jamacian, are turned away, anymore than I would expect to be turned away if I wanted to take Japanese and participate in a tea ceremony.

However, I also ( kinda) like that our neighborhood is changing- I hate the whole streets of single family houses that are torn down to make way for condos, but I like the increased density that has attracted more local business.
It is also more diverse culturally, although because of schools and larger homes for families, the suburbs reportedly are more diverse than the city now.

I like that we have some young families who can manage to live here & it is great fun to see their kids zooming up and down the street.

I am not so thrilled that as people my age are forced to move where it is more affordable, and that the " seniors" are passing away, 75% of the area seems to be between the age of 26 & 32- but I am hoping that the next trendy area will get going soon.

emeraldkity4 · February 26, 2010, 4:47pm

I didn’t talk explicity about race when the kids were little- anymore than I talked to them about sex- or money.
:o
But I did get both of them dolls that were " black" ( but not only black dolls) , and that did turn into an educational opportunity when strangers would comment- ( although that wasn’t my original intention- I just thought they were nice dolls, and if black kids could play with white dolls, why shouldn’t white kids do them same?)

I wouldn’t say either one of them is racist- or classist, although D1 does live in a fairly homogenous city compared to some- but still it is the city and not the suburbs someplace where I think some go to hide out from their perception of urban life.

D2 went to high school in the " inner" city, and while I initially didn’t want her to attend, it had nothing to do with the diversity, because her elementary-middle school was also very diverse- but because of the size, it was about 1000 students larger than the K-12 school where she had attended since 3rd grade.
She loved it- she did great despite a bumpy road, and had lots of friends from all over the city. Many were young women who had been in her remedial math class in 9th grade,( in which she was the only white girl) and who were also taking honors classes in other subjects
She also had the perspective that she had knowledge that I knew nothing about.
( although perhaps as a 17 year old, she would have had that anyway)

I sobbed when Obama was elected & she asked why I was crying. I tried to explain what it meant- but she brushed me off * cause those in my generation don’t realize what it means* :rolleyes: I guess we are so old we don’t remember the 1960’s.
( It also was because it had been a long,long, * long* time since my candidate had been elected)

Hanna · February 26, 2010, 4:49pm

“I hope anyone, even parents, does not have some sort of racial, ethnic goal in mind when choosing their circle of friends.”

I certainly would have that kind of goal in mind when choosing a neighborhood, day care, or elementary school for my (hypothetical) kids. It was important to my parents. Who the kids choose to befriend within that environment is their business, but if it’s reasonably in my power to raise them among ethnically and economically diverse kids, I will do it.

BigAppleDaddy · February 26, 2010, 4:50pm

There is certainly a comfort level in embracing your own group. I’d argue, in fact, that unless you can embrace and draw support from your own, it makes it all the more difficult to be open to meeting other people who derive some support and identity from their group. Its just that embracing your own tribe shouldn’t limit you. You can never leave home if you don’t have a home to come back to.

And by the way, EmeraldKity, I actaully tried lutefisk once on a trip to Minnesota. (lots of Scandanavains there, god knows) HATED IT!!! But I’ve been to Seattle and love the place. I suspect that like New York, Seattle will never stop changing. That’s part of its charm as well as part of its pain. My neighborhood has gentrified so much since I moved in that I couldn’t afford to be here if I had to move in now; Local businesses pushed out by chains, rents way high, the invasion of the young lawyers, $500 a month parking garages, and wine shops instead of liquor stores. But still a diverse enough place that i enjoy it tremendously, as you do Seattle.

:–)

younghoss · February 26, 2010, 5:11pm

Funny, when my son was very young in all- male youth league soccer, teams were referred to by their colors. He was the green team. There was a red team, and a blue team, but the funny time came up when they played the black team. He called them the black boys. Certainly correct as all these young males were known by their team colors, but it sure sounded awkward. For someone less familiar with the team color designation, it might have mistakenly been thought of as a derogatory remark to those of African ancestry.

I also used to work at a factory where one fellow mixed the raw mat’l color combinations for the parts we made. He was called the “color guy”. During a long absence, a different guy filled in for him. That guy was an American of African ancestry. Some were afraid to call him the color guy for fear it might sound like calling him colored guy. That’s an example of PC gone too far.

mousegray · February 26, 2010, 5:15pm

Maybe some people are reluctant to mention race, or see mention of race as having negative connotations because that’s all they’ve heard. I’ve known people who, if they ever mention that someone was Black, it was because of some negative confrontation or situation, as if Black was a pejorative. It’s an argument for what BigAppleDaddy is saying – we need to broaden our exposure to all kinds of people so there are no single associations. On the flip side, I could argue that a racist is someone who insists, despite all evidence to the contrary, on seeing someone through a narrow, negative lens.

Pea · February 26, 2010, 5:35pm

Yes, I like the idea of diverse schools and day cares and communities.

I found the original study annoying because it sounds like a couple of academics walked into a school and thought they could come to conclusions based on who kids were friends with. I’ve spent a great deal of my adult life learning to choose my friends and the idea of their race or ethnicity doesn’t even enter into the equation. The main lesson I have learned over the years is if it feels like work to be around someone then it isn’t worth it. As much as possible I surround myself with people who are easy to be around.

At this point my small circle of friends doesn’t contain a great deal of ethnic or racial diversity. I guess the authors could look at me and say I was a racist. Or maybe they could say that since 20 years ago I had two close friends who were of a different race that I have become a racist.

But that conclusion would be wrong. I put a great deal of thought into who my friends are and I know that race is not a factor.

emeraldkity4 · February 26, 2010, 5:56pm

I haven’t lived anywhere else- and so from that, I have a pretty narrow perspective, although I have a few older friends who are black gentlemen originally from the south where they were paid to attend universities in other states ( by universities in Mississippi).

When hearing their stories ( boy do they have stories! One of them had a father who was a Chicago alderman & he used to go around and collect money as a boy) I feel very sheltered and very young, and it is so frustrating, ( although I am not comparing my experiences to theirs) , because I feel entrapped by my skin color at times.

I volunteer a great deal in the schools, often with students of color & struggle with the treatment I sometimes receive from their parents.

Immigrant parents accept me and even embrace me, metaphorically as well as literally, but some parents- I feel put me in a box that says
" wealthy/educated/privileged white girl", and shut their ears and eyes toward anything that we could share with each other. ( even though they often have more education, a better job and a nicer house than we have- it’s possible my antenna is overly tuned, because they don’t necessarily say anything negative- just going by body language and tone)

I don’t feel there is really anything I can do about it- but I appreciate places like CC where I am able to discuss my thoughts on race, because in my city, you pretty much are only allowed to state the obvious.

Shrinkrap · February 26, 2010, 10:09pm

I have plenty of white friends . My friends would proably be almost exclusively white if I did not extend myself a little more to socialize with people of color, for example, stay active with my sorority, go to church in the next town. It matters to me and H ,but not our kids.

From Wired Magazine: How to raise racist kids

CONNECT WITH US