Apologies, but who brought up the idea poor kids get all their bills paid by “the system” and this kid can’t “go on a trip with friends or buy nice clothing?” Is that what you think poor kids do?
“He goes out with friends, just can’t spend his income like his friends with financial aid can.” What are you talking about? Doesn’t that sound toxic about poor kids?
The idea so many adults here have is: if you rationally assess and can’t afford more than 56k, don’t rush headlong into an 81k college.
Sorry, but IMO, when wealthy parents willingly put their kid in this position, 90+k debt, it IS about them. They apparently let it happen to their 18 year old.