<p>I can say that we weren’t trying to impress any of the guests. We were trying to make it a special day for the bride and groom. I can’t imagine having invited anybody who cared so much more about where they sat than the fact that the bride and groom took special consideration to arrange things in a way they thought would make the party fun.</p>
<p>alwaysamom, mafool, and 3bm103 are more polite than I am. It’s rather funny actually to read messages in which someone implicitly criticizes other’s choices with a gem like the nicest wedding was in an “aspen grove” at the home of the bride’s mother “in the mountains.” Umm…I live in an apartment in NYC and I do NOT own a second home. So, while I think that’s a lovely choice–and I mean that sincerely–it’s simply NOT an option for me–or a lot of people who don’t happen to own their own homes in the mountains with aspen groves. A “backyard wedding” for me would be trying to squeeze everyone onto a balony that’s barely big enough for a table and four chairs and overlooks a street, not anything green. </p>
<p>The “kids” are planning the wedding and they selected the menu. It doesn’t cost anything more to have 3 choices rather than one. A LOT of their friends are vegetarians, and so one of those options will be vegetarian. I don’t think it’s at all unusual for young people to be vegetarians these days. When you know that about 20% of your guests will be vegetarians, I don’t think you’re trying to “impress” anyone when you include a vegetarian option. Would it really be preferable to serve 20% of the guests an entree we all know they will leave on their plates untouched? (I note that aibarr had a vegetarian option too. ) </p>
<p>But of course–maybe your families are different–most of our older guests really would be underwhelmed if we gave them a vegetarian entree. So, right from the gate, you’ve got two choices. </p>
<p>The G comes from a culture in which most weddings serve a particular food. Almost everyone in that culture loves that food. So, one entree choice is that. However, a LOT of people from other cultures do NOT like that food. So, those guests would probably be upset if the only choices were that food and a vegetarian option. So, the kids added a third choice. I STILL heard complaints from an in-law who is OUTRAGED that none of the three choices is chicken or beef, which basically are the only things he’ll eat. </p>
<p>This may sound “snarky,” but if most of your guests come from the same background and live in the same area, then maybe doing something different is seen as an effort to impress. But when reality is that the guests come by plane from different places and have to stay in a hotel, have different backgrounds, and in their regular every day lives eat different foods, then trying to come up with an entree choice that will give each guest one choice they at least see as edible is just being thoughtful, not showing off. </p>
<p>As for eloping…well, as I’ve posted before, I’m Catholic. While I’d have no problem with a small, quiet wedding, it would tear my heart out more than anyone who is a non-Believer could really understand if my kid opted to be married by a judge. Eloping isn’t really an option in our faith either–there are these pesky requirements like having to get a baptismal certificate dated within 6 months of the ceremony, attending the required pre-Cana conferences, etc. </p>
<p>I would be incredibly hurt if my child got married without inviting me to the ceremony. Would you REALLY want your kids to get married and tell you about it afterwards? I honestly can’t fathom that. </p>
<p>So, don’t jump so quickly to criticize others for doing things differently than you do. And even if there are no choices when it comes to entrees–i guess there’s a law that only carnivores are allowed to live in the Midwest–remember that when you switch those name tags, you may have put Aunt Mavis with the people she explicitly asked to be separated from. Or it might even be that there was another person the D’s age at the table where she was placed and the B&G thought that it would be nice for two young people to have someone their own age to talk to.</p>
<p>There were no other kids under 16 at the rehearsal dinner, and D is VERY shy. It would have been torture for her. She stuck it out for about 15 minutes (without complaining) until it became clear that my seatmate wasn’t going to show up, then I went and got her. She is eternally grateful…</p>
<p>Regarding moving the cards at the dinner the next night, there were 400 people! With the same meal! Our cards were on the absolute back few tables farthest from the wedding table (in fact, in an elegant but separate room). Believe me, NO ONE from the wedding party noticed that we moved. </p>
<p>If the caterer insists, then as I said before, then it is necessary. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t still do it, though, merely that I would inform the waitstaff that I had done so.</p>
<p>By the way, I don’t have a second home either… And if you guests come from all over on airplanes, they might want to socialize at dinner with the people THEY haven’t seen in a long time and choose to talk to instead of the 3 women who are snarky about the quality of the filet. I personally would WAY rather have a dinner that wasn’t exactly to my taste than travel all that way and have my children seated at other tables with a bunch of adults they don’t know.</p>
<p>Lets see…to add to the kids’ “to be done list”…tape the place cards to the table, so nobody can pull a switcheroo. Thanks for the warning; I don’t think they would ever have thought that somebody would do such a thing. And doing it twice!!! </p>
<p>The wisest post in this thread is the one from bigredmed. It’s the bride and groom’s day-revel in the fact that they wanted to include you in their joy. Do it their way. If you’re having a lousy time, just slip out quietly. </p>
<p>You know though, in all sincerity…reading this thread is sad. I really hope that none of the people who are coming to my kid’s wedding will think that we are trying too hard to impress them because we have choices of food or will get upset because they aren’t seated with people they want to talk to during the reception or are seated with people whose company they don’t particularly enjoy or complain about anything else. </p>
<p>A LOT of thought has gone into this wedding…and a lot of thought goes into most weddings. The spouse of a good friend who is coming to the wedding commented that he was surprised that my kid of all people wanted such a wedding. He thought my kid was more “sophisticated” than that. He actually wasn’t criticizing my kid’s plans–he just agrees with those of you who think that it makes more sense to elope and save the money. But I am actually GLAD that the “kids” want to share this day with their family and friends and that, yes, they think the experience is worth the money. </p>
<p>No parent or wedding planner has orchestrated this thing. From the invitations, to the cake, to the entrees, to the church in which it will take place, to the hymns being sung, to the flowers, to the people chosen to give the speeches, to the photographer, the wedding website, and all the other myriad of details involved, they’ve made each and every choice. And, sometimes in making those choices, they’ve had to make compromises with each other and with their parents, in a few cases.</p>
<p>When the day comes, while it will have all the standard elements, it will be uniquely theirs. Weddings are sort of like snowflakes–seemingly alike, but each unique. </p>
<p>And to all those whose “kids” are getting married, may the marriages be happy ones and the wedding guests all like bigredmed.</p>
<p>We will be celebrating our 24th anniversary in a couple of weeks, and though a large wedding was not our style we were pressured into it by m-i-l who had hordes of family she insisted must be invited. I confess that we convinced ourselves to do it by greedily imagining how nice it would be to have lots of terrfic gifts to help us live in married student housing in style. </p>
<p>We got 19 crucifixes. What can you do with 19 crucifixes? You can’t keep a few and return others! We moved many times, always schlepping this box of crucifixes…</p>
<p>jonri–I think we are in sync in many ways, so I want to let you know that I know many vegetarians here in the Midwest and have been one myself off and on for almost 30 years. :)</p>
<p>(enjoyed your post)</p>
<p>This is reinforcing my goal of a small destination wedding, same budget, just a few close family & friends, different memories, no place cards ;)</p>
<p>No vampires at Helenback’s house!</p>