Gak! I'm supposed to hold a wedding! Help!

Parent Cafe
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<p>i am envious. with an only son, I will have almost no say in wedding planning.</p>

<p>So, start by calling all the local venues, get available dates and sample costs for menus. do you have flexibility, like a sat or sunday afternoon? any place that does weddings will have a planner, who will give you lists for musicians, DJs, flowers, etc. once you have a date and place, email people to hold the date. Line up block of hotel rooms. </p>

<p>venue is first, then wedding dress, #bridesmaids, colors. </p>

<p>relax, this will be fun.</p>

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<p>garland…just want to say a big congrats at the happy news for your D and her fiance! Wow, this is pretty darn exciting. I have no experience in this area and can’t help. </p>

<p>I would think a wedding in Cape May would be meaningful for your D given the time your D has spent there. A ceremony on the beach and a reception nearby sounds really lovely. May should not be too hot either. I would have in mind contingency plans for the ceremony if it should rain. </p>

<p>Read some articles on this to get some context and then just learn as you go and have fun with your D planning it.</p>

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<p>I skimmed the thread but one thing you might want to look into is making sure that there are hotel blocks available for wedding guests, unless you have enough room at your/relatives’ homes to accommodate all of the guests that may be coming from out of town. </p>

<p>Other details that are important to book probably right away, other than venue, depending on what your daughter wants are:</p>

<p>-food
-DJ
-photographer</p>

<p>Food and photographer seem to be the things that get expensive fast. Be aware when picking a venue whether or not they require you to use their onsite or preferred catering. Sometimes a venue can be inexpensive but then you find out that their catering starts at $40 pp. </p>

<p>Reasonable wedding expenses seem to vary depending on location and your social group. My wedding budget is coming in around the $7k mark and that seems like a lot to me, though it’s on the mid to lower end of wedding budgets for people I know. For some people reasonable is not a dime over $1000 and for others going under $100k is cheap. </p>

<p>Other than that thanks for the impetus to get my head back into planning!</p>

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<p>Oh, what fun! Remember to enjoy this as you plan!!</p>

<p>And I have only one piece of advice: No matter how much you spend, no matter how hard you plan, no matter how many things don’t go off as planned – enjoy the day!</p>

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<p>Ceremony on beach and food & drinks indoors will be easier to pull off. If you can find a function space to rent, and had a few close friends who could take over the food prep, you could pull this off w/o a full caterer. It will come down to numbers of guests and available volunteers.</p>

<p>I held a buffet dinner for 70 for my brother’s engagement four years ago. We rented a small building at a private day school. It had a full kitchen, a dining room where we set out the food, a foyer for cocktail hour, and terrace room for dinner tables. We had to prepare a menu that could be cooked in advance and transported as I live an hour from the party location. Menu was beef tenderloin, sesame noodles, field green salad, pesto pasta & bread baskets. (I think I am missing something from the dinner table.) Passed hors d’oeuvres were shrimp cocktail, skewered grilled chicken with peanut satay, bean salad in tortilla cups, veggies, etc. All things that can be prepped and transported in a cooler, but you have to be someone who does this sort of thing regularly. (Not planning a wedding but preparing food in quantities and transporting. Large coolers and large Pyrex glass storage containers handle most of the food.)</p>

<p>We hired two women to work the kitchen so once we showed them where everything was, they took over for the dinner service. The only real snag was that I underestimated the alcohol quantities. I am used to a 40-something population. The 28 year olds drank so much more than I expected. Fortunately, we were able to run out to the liquor store but that could have been an issue. </p>

<p>I do not want to make light of the planning. Many hours went into the logistics and advance work including: centerpieces, napkins and handmade napkin rings (couple’s names & wedding date printed on hearts with tulle threaded through as napkin ties), ironing 70 napkins, finding/borrowing trays and serving pieces, votive holders, bar set-up, hand towels for bathrooms, etc, etc, etc. As the mother of the bride, you could do much of the advance work but you won’t be able to cook or perform any of the food prep. But, if budget is a concern, it is possible to save many thousands of dollars and still produce a lovely event.</p>

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<p>Zoosermom–can’t tell you how comforting that is!:)</p>

<p>Soozie–yes, D grew up coming down here, and now with H and I living here part time, and other family here, she decided it made more sense than up in north Jersey where she lives, as most of her friends are not there anyway, and the F’s family lives part way in between.</p>

<p>Julie–yes–hotel rooms, that will be an issue. We’ll put up as many as we can (might have a living room paved with bridesmaid’s sleeping bags) but we’ll def run out of carpet space eventually.</p>

<p>Good luck with your planning!</p>

<p>Bookworm–I get hives almost literally at the idea of event planning–would be happy to leave this to the other side for my S, should he ever, ever get to the serious gf leading to wedding point (doubtful, frankly.):/</p>

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<p>Ignore my previous post if you get hives at the thought of event planning! I am very impressed by hyperJulie who has a budget of $7K as photographers can easily cost that much in the greater NY area. Good luck!</p>

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<p>So excited for you! I will be eager to hear the details. :slight_smile: I have no experience with weddings, but enjoy the experience of planning a beautiful day.</p>

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<p>PINTEREST! Get on Pinterest, get your DD on PInterest, she should post things she likes, so you have a visual, then once you have seen enough, start posting your ideas of what you THINK she means, you will get very clear as to which specifics are important to her. Once the wedding is over delete pinterest, it is a time suck.</p>

<p>Do I understand that you have or live in a vacation house area? If so and if neighbors are second home people, ask around, perhaps you can rent one or two for a week and put up family groups- groom’s family here, bride’s extended family there.</p>

<p>Go for a great photographer, DDs was excellent and I am looking at a 2’ x 4’ canvas of my family which my kids gave me for Christmas, I smile every time I walk by!</p>

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<p>How exciting!!! You could select a nice hotel on the beach and let their planner handle the details. The tough part is keeping the numbers down. Consider a small wedding and meal and then a larger casual reception/beach party - maybe even a week later.</p>

<p>(I am sad that I only have boys and never get to be MOTB)</p>

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<p>Garland, congratulations! What great news.</p>

<p>Our wedding 35 years ago was in May in inlaws back yard. Loud band, lots to eat and drink buffet style and PORT A JOHNS.</p>

<p>Is there anything left of Sandy Hook?
As a fellow Jersey girl, a beach wedding sounds wonderful.
Best of luck.</p>

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<p>As the BRIDE I did all of the advance work and cooked all of the food except the cake, AND I was working full time in another state and travelling extensively during the weeks before the wedding. And we were engaged for a total of 4 mos. </p>

<p>It is quite possible to do virtually everything yourself, if you have the inclination. That is the big if.</p>

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<p>Garland – congratulations! Our oldest D got married 2 summers ago, and to this day people talk about what a nice wedding/reception it was. I can’t remember the exact figure, but it wasn’t over 10K. When asked for my advice, I tell others 3 things:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Don’t sweat the small stuff. Not every jot and tittle has to be perfect. Let some things go. Find out what’s most important to your D and focus on that.</p></li>
<li><p>Trust the professionals you hire. Our florist, caterer, cake maker, photographer – all chosen through recommendations – were terrific, knew a lot more about weddings than I did, and tended to details I hadn’t even to worry about. Get recommendations, interview a few (not EVERY last one of them), pick one. And relax.</p></li>
<li><p>Pick your bride wisely. My D was amazingly low key. Very relaxed. Stay that way yourself and you’ll all have more fun.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>I had a lot more fun at my D’s wedding than at my own! Also I am so much NOT an event planner. I sympathize totally. You’ll have a great day!</p>

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<p>I second somemom’s Pinterest suggestion! There are lots of DIY projects that you and a few friends can tackle. </p>

<p>Congratulations Garland!</p>

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<p>Congrats, Garland! </p>

<p>See if your future Son-in-law is interested in setting up a wedding website. My S did that and it helped all the communication with guests throughout the process. </p>

<p>There’s nothing more romantic than being married on a beach! Although… sometimes… it’s hard for guests to hear the ceremony due to wind and surf. A “Plan B” could be a lovely venue somewhere in a beach community, where all the catering, dancing, restrooms work great for guests. AND: some hours before or after the ceremony, plan that the couple walk the beach alone together for an hour, with the photographer trailing behind them to do romantic shots. That couple-alone time on the beach could be a different kind of wedding-day memory, and very nice. Provided, of course, someone remembers the sunscreen.</p>

<p>Good luck to everyone!</p>

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<p>Congratulations!!! :slight_smile:
Good advice from Zetisis. Pinterest and The Knot are good resources on line.</p>

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<p>Garland, I just tried to send you a PM, but you need to clear your inbox! :slight_smile: And congrats to you and your d.</p>

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<p>S and DIL had a civil ceremony this summer and will be having a celebration this coming August when the DIL’s overseas relatives can make it. I am going to wind up doing a lot of this because S and DIL are in CA, wedding in in MD, DIL’s mom is in England.</p>

<p>-- Will be relatively small (~70), two attendants each and a couple of flower girls.
– DH and S2 are catering the sit-down buffet.
– They will get a small, no-big-deal cake, but are having a lot of home-baked goodies on a dessert table.
– they have booked the site
– table/buffet flowers will come from Costco
– ivy will come from our yard
– have booked a block of rooms, though we expect we’ll have a full house, too
– contra band tentatively booked
– wine at the tables </p>

<p>Not yet done:
– dress
– clothing decisions for female attendants
– arranging party rental supplies (mainly table linens/dishes/serving gear)
– photographer. They are not into picture taking…but it is something I really want.
– table decorations/guest book (or some such)
– finding servers/kitchen crew for the day of the event
– save the date/invites (and collecting addresses/data for same)
– writing vows
– favors/games/programs/photo booth?</p>

<p>My sister (who is totally awesome in these things) is going to come out a week early to help with stuff. A couple of friends have offered to make hors d’ouvres/desserts.</p>

<p>S and DIL sat down and figured out what they wanted to spend $$ on and what things weren’t as important (i.e., DIL would like a a nice bouquet, but they did not want to spend lots of $$ on floral arrangements for each table; no videographer; no open bar). They are footing the bill for nearly all of it, including transportation for some family and friends, so costs are a big consideration.</p>

<p>Be sure that when you get quotes that the providers break down each component. We all wanted to see apples-to-apples comparisons on price, and some caterers included linens and dishes in a bundled price, others didn’t, etc. </p>

<p>With a beach wedding, the location is going to be a big focal point, which means you can keep other things simple. Plan for weather. If you are having events outdoors, provide water bottles for guests. If there will be elderly/less mobile guests, plan out how to accommodate their needs (getting on to the beach, restrooms, etc.)</p>

<p>The Knot (IMHO) really pushes the Bridal Industrial Complex. I found that Offbeat Bride .com had some cool ideas that were not expensive. I also ■■■■■ Pinterest for DIY ideas. I suspect I will be massively overcommitting myself, but I like this sort of thing.</p>

<p>I have told them I’ll do whatever they want, but they need to tell me what that is. This will be the biggest challenge.</p>

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<p>Lots of good ideas, friends–thanks! will go through these slowly nd probably come back with more questions.</p>

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<p>victoria–I cleared some space, thanks.</p>