Speaking for myself as having a spouse who doesn’t want to travel I DO get it - the travel bug isnt overwhelming for myself though I could go for 1-2 more trips -
Long weekends or one week. I have learned especially after our roles as parents and employee that he is just simply more comfortable at home and UNCOMFORTABLE away from home. Anxiety over little things but anxiety none the less.
So I understand it but I don’t have to love it. I don’t have a friend group or family group beyond my kids who I would travel with or who has same interests I might have. And honestly he and I probably if “forced” to take a trip would have wildly
Different ideas of what to do.
So that leaves me with having to go by myself or with some group I sign up for. Which my
H would probably think really
Off the wall. But he wouldn’t prohibit it or anything!
I think I might consider something on my
Own when I fully
Retire in the next several
Months. But I still feel a little sad that it’s not in the cards for US.
I have not done them, but I know there are group trips that are for women only, and that might make some people feel better going as a single. On group tours, we often have a single or two along, and they are usually easily absorbed into the group.
I can’t remember if we’ve talked about this on this thread or not, but I realize I might have trouble sharing a room with another person I’m not very close to. I know some people have no problem with it, but I’m just not sure that’s for me. I think I’d pay the single supplement even if I went with a friend.
I read your compromise, and that sounds like a fantastic solution! A way to really get to enjoy places without doing much air travel, living out of suitcases, and having the drudge of owning an additional home. We were just thinking about buying a vacation home, and it really makes no sense to me (unless there was a significant profit). Why tie yourself to one place, unless it’s somewhere you truly love, when you can spend the time at different places every time, with a lot less hassle? I can definitely see spending a few months in France, New Zealand, Italy, so many choices.
I think what I love about travel is that it gets me out of my rut at home. It’s a comfortable, lovely rut, but after awhile it turns into sameness. I start sitting around more, watching more tv, getting nothing done, getting bored. When I travel, it wakens me, makes me think in different ways, gives me new ideas. We never bore people with our travel pics.
Another reason is the intensity of experience that we get while traveling is completely different than at home. Humor? We have some friends that we travel with every now and then, though he has stage 4B cancer and sometimes too much pain, he makes us laugh until we cry. Looking at a photo of him standing in front of a building shaped like a giant dildo in Spain, with us screaming in laughter, will never leave us. Grief and horror? Standing in a Killing Field in Cambodia, looking at the huge tree where they would bash babies heads into to kill them, so they didn’t have to waste any bullets. Being reminded of what true evil is, and the cruelty that people are willing to inflict upon one another. Appreciation of the intense beauty of this world? Riding the gondola from France to Italy, looking down at the majestic Alps while in our private car. The intensity of these experiences, both good and bad, we just can’t get while in our safe, comfortable home. Travel has definitely opened my eyes and made me a different person.
No we were going to travel together the whole time, but they can’t ( won’t) leave until very late April (after Passover) and they are feeling the festivities for the trips would be over, so wanted to change the thrip to northern Italy. I prefer the tulips
There’s always a compromise when traveling with others. It’s so nice to have companions but it’s also at when they can go and where to some extent.
I definitely see why people buy vacation homes. You get to have your “stuff” at both places. There’s a familiarity going to the same place and knowing what to do.
My bil owned a place that he has since sold during the pandemic. The great thing is knowing all the best places to go. Being able to go during the busy season but also shoulder season and even the dead of winter. I never tired of going.
For us, we never had the opportunity or money to buy a place. Our home is an oasis! In a beautiful setting that we love. It’s like we moved to our vacation home.
There’s also the work involved in owning 2 places which involve money in maintaining 2 homes, including the maintenance of places you aren’t at for blocks of time. But if you can swing it, it’s a wonderful opportunity.
This hits the nail on the head for my household and my H who has no interest in traveling. He grew up with a second vacation place and that was the only vacationing his family ever did. We took over that very simple, “bare bones” but in a beautiful setting place and that’s all we did for the 40 years of marriage. He was deeply attached and went as often as he could, sometimes alone to work on projects (with much more interest than our regular home!)
We too lost/sold that place during Covid - not by choice, long story involving another family and a shared lot. I think you’re spot on about being comfortable in your own surroundings with your own stuff and habits. Spot on.
We are also going to ask some relatives and friends if they are interested in any of the trips we would like to try. We enjoyed traveling with others, and would like to do that again.
I’m ten years behind ya’ll with retirement travel but this thread has been eye opening! I’m going to take advantage of all the travel I can with H while we are both able and willing in case something should change down the road! Thankfully for right now we enjoy it!
My dad HATED to travel. He worked for the airlines and was constantly gone for work so the only thing he wanted to do on vacation is go to our cottage in the Catskills. My mom was the polar opposite and LOVED to travel so she would take us kids with her every year. I can count on one hand the trips we took with my dad and they were almost all to visit family or friends in Europe.
After we kids were grown, my parents had a stretch where they did more traveling together but it was mostly my mom tagging along on work trips with my dad. Later in life, they did do a number of cruises. My dad would stay on board and play cards or go to the casino, and my mom would do all the excursions she could squeeze in. Lots of compromising! (Although marriage seems to be a lot of that in many areas!)
The one thing I don’t love is traveling with other people unless there is a set itinerary. (I could do a cruise or a small tour group with friends but nothing open ended). I do a girls trip regularly for a group that I grew up with and while I adore these women and love spending time together, pulling the logistics together for a group with different budgets, different preferences for activities, food restrictions, and different activity levels is rough. I can manage for a long weekend but that’s my limit ; )
We just took our first trip with another couple and it worked out great. One thing that helped was that a good deal of the vacation was on a river cruise (Tauck Blue Danube trip was great) so much was planned for us. We agreed that we did not always need to choose the same excursions (most were the same but a couple of times we split up and each did what we wanted). We had a few days together in Prague before the organized trip started and that worked very well too.
We would travel with another couple (including them) again under the right circumstances. Other couple must be independent, on time, and willing to spend a similar amount on the trip.
I so agree with you - pulling together a trip for people with different budgets, fitness levels, interests, etc. is really tough. My husband and I will travel with others, but he especially prefers just the two of us (or guided/group trips where it’s all planned out for you, they move your luggage, etc.).
We thought about whether we’d like a vacation home, but when we purchased our current home we would not have been able to afford one. Plus, we really like trying out new places (although we do go back to Grand Cayman and Hawaii again and again). When we become a little less active and once we “know” the grandkid situation we may think about it again, but for now we just try to spend a couple to several weeks a winter in a warm place.
We have had some very good experiences traveling with others and a very bad one. The one that was the worst really tainted us. It has made me a little more assertive with respect to indicating what I am comfortable doing and not doing. They kept changing things without asking, changing to very expensive restaurants including to food I don’t care to eat, not showing up when they said they would, scheduling some extra extraordinarily high-end things without asking and expecting us to share the cost, which we did, but it would nice to ask, etc., etc. People can be incredibly selfish and I would never travel with them again
My husband always has a fantasy of owning a vacation home in Florida, and taking a boat up and down the intercoastal waterway. I consider it a bit and then think of the actual details. The cost, the maintenance, feeling like we’d have to use it a lot to make it worthwhile, and I can’t think of anywhere in Florida that is really that appealing to me. Sure, I know it’s nice to be warm in the winter, and many people like it, so what am I missing?
It would be one thing if there was sentimental value to a location, friends and family. Otherwise, I just can’t think of a single place that would be appealing enough to spend the money. I did mention that I would consider a place that had a Colorado style timber beam home or Italian villa with a turret. I’d do a lot for a turret.
Fascinating thread thanks for sharing all the perspectives. I’m wondering about those who’ve traveled with friends.
Last year I went to AZ (from the northeast) with a neighbor friend. She is a great and supportive friend but also feels obligated to direct things (she’s an oldest who took care of her younger sister & many family things while growing up).
I am glad our friendship remained intact (I have my quirks too!) but it still makes me grit my teeth thinking about her telling me to “hurry up, we have to go” after we got off the plane and I was dehydrated and dizzy
Is anyone leery of stressing their existing friendships by traveling together? I’m almost thinking a ‘single ladies’ tour (with people I don’t have to see again unless I want to) might be safer?
We like to spend a week or two in a warmer place in the winter, which usually means Oahu. We ran into a couple who owns a condo in the complex where we usually rent a unit. They are from California. The husband is still working full time, but the wife is retired. She told us that the only way she’d let him continue working after her retirement was for him to buy this condo where she’d spend most of the time, and he’d come for a long weekend here and there while still working on the mainland. They plan to retire in Hawaii.
We toyed with the idea of having a vacation place but decided against it. And then the prices went crazy, so that sealed the deal for us.
I traveled last year with a friend for a week. It was funny because she said at one point before the trip I wonder if we will be good traveling companions. Well it turns out we were. The key was being flexible. She had no interest in a museum I wanted to go to, so I went without her. I had not interest in the bike ride she wanted to take, so she went without me. We shared a room (both in a hotel and with in a friend’s house). We had discussed and planned all our dinners in advance, so that wasn’t an issue.
My daughter has some friends that she has travelled with a couple of times. They are not good travelling companions, they seem to bicker over stupid stuff and not want to follow plans. She has been fine with them by basically setting out on her own to do what she wants.
I have traveled with friends several times. Normally, it’s a tour plus sometimes we add on a few nights before and/or after. I’ve always enjoyed it and we always agree that we can go and do our own thing and meet up on time for say meals or whatever.
This last trip was 3 weeks and all planned by a friend. We all have a wonderful time and chose to relax more and see fewer sights than them, which was great for all of us. D wants to help us assemble a nice photo book from our trip.
I think I’d be fine traveling with a friend, as long as we have separate rooms. I’d probably be fine even sharing a room - that may just be my mental hurdle to get over.
I went on a trip with another woman, my son, and his wife. We all had a great time, but we each had our own bedroom and bathroom. (Well couple shared).
I agree having separate rooms really helps, so you have your own space (or a shared one with your partner). It likely costs a bit more but very worthwhile for folks who can afford it.
I have to keep my expectations super low on my girls trips and just 100% focus on spending time together vs what we are actually doing, where we are staying or where we are dining. I’d make myself crazy otherwise!
It’s helpful that at this point, I have travelled enough with my H to most places we would consider for girls trip so I don’t feel like I’m missing out if we don’t get to see one of the major sites.
We are talking about doing a couples cruise at some point with the Hs. I think that would be GREAT because we’d each have our own spaces, could have some flexibility to do our own things and be together for meals or excursions with overlapping interests. We cruised with my inlaws last year and it worked out really well. Plus then I’d have my favorite travel buddy with me - my H!
