<p>I think “going rate” is perhaps an unfortunate term–the question is what is customary. If the honoree is well-brought-up, of course he will respond graciously to all gifts. But there’s nothing wrong with wanting to know what is usual in context.</p>
<p>interesting evolution of this thread…as someone who has always lived in and around the tri-state area, I’ve imagined that other parts of the country are definitely more modest when it comes to gifts…it’s definitely time to move…</p>
<p>on a completely unrelated note, mtnester, do you realize that your post count is not going up?</p>
<p>I have had three bat/bar mitzvahs and can tell you that the gifts that are given have nothing to do with how fancy the party is. Each family gives according to what is comfortable for them. I love the idea of something for the trip, but agree that you may not be the only one to do so. Otherwise, I suggest that a gift that is approximate to what you gave the older child is appropriate. If you want to include the fact that you’ve planned the trip, then just give slightly less than you did the first time. If your financial situation is different this time around (as it is for so many of us) then a more modest gift will be understood.</p>
<p>I went to my first bar mitzvah about three years ago and had fun researching a proper gift. I learned about the multiple of 18 rule and gave the young man $108. He was very appreciative. The odd thing was that his mother told me that she had never heard of that tradition. She and her husband are both Jewish, her grandfather was a rabbi, and this was the third of her children to have a bar/bat mitzvah. We are on the west coast so maybe it’s more of an east coast thing? It was puzzling but we loved being a part of the event.</p>
<p>My son received a gift which was given along with a check. I don’t remember the amount of the check, but I love the gift: it’s his Bar Mitzvah invitation beautifully framed. So, even though he’s 25, it’s on his wall, along with the framed sign-in board and picture. I thought it was extremely thoughtful.</p>