<p>Reaching back into the dim recesses of memory, stretching back to the dawn of humankind, I recall that an apparent shortage of cute [boys/girls/squirrels/whatever floats your boat] is something that each of you has the power to do something about, wherever you are. No one has to live without cute whatevers! Here’s the magic formula:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Find a party. Preferably one with some music and not too many lights.</p></li>
<li><p>Have a beer.</p></li>
<li><p>Woo-hoo! Everyone is cuter!</p></li>
<li><p>Repeat as necessary until you achieve the desired balance of cute companions and ability to do something about it.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Of course, like all magic, this is subject to abuse. It’s not the way you want to live your whole life. (It may, however, account for the perceived superiority of large, frat-dominated public universities in the cute-whatever department.)</p>
<p>If you don’t like using this kind of magic, you can use another tried-and-true, but slower method: Wait a few months. Everyone will look cuter then. I guarantee it.</p>