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Ever had a family member that couldn’t handle money? Ever notice that loaning or giving money to that family member never solved their problem, they just frittered away what they got from you and ended up in the same hole they were in before, only now it’s deeper?
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Not a family member, but my housekeeper. She cleans four of my properties and I hire her to do various other projects (she’s an amazing painter and can do many odd jobs.). She has a steady income, a home that is paid off (from her dad), yet she is always in a hole. I do lend her money, and even outright just gave her money when I know she wouldn’t likely be able to pay it back, but in the long run it doesn’t help. Cigarettes, beer, giving money to her flakey over 30 sons, pay per view TV, pricey purses, upgrading her smart phone, rock concerts, impulsive whatever.
This may sound mean, but I kind of shamed her so much about the cigarettes that she quit a few months ago and she’s got the beer purchases down to only Saturdays (her sons would drink most of what she bought anyway!) She owes everyone money.
I don’t mind helping her when it’s a serious expense (right now I’m paying for her dogs’ Rx’s), and I do buy her pets’ food (she’s a rescuer and pet-foster so I pay for all the pets’ food because my H will only let me have 2 cats and 2 dogs). We bought her a new bed because her old one was giving back problems. We’ve fixed her car’s AC and fixed her home’s AC (we live in the South and frankly, it’s in our best interest that she have those things.)
I get calls and texts from her at all hours asking for “an advance.” Sometimes she’s nearly hysterical when she calls…mostly because she’s gotten herself into a hole (i.e. electricity or cable is about to be turned off). I don’t care if her cable gets turned off, but obviously she needs electricity. I hate advancing money to her because then when she’s working, her morale is low because some of her payment will pay back the advance. To relieve some of that, I still pay her most of her fee, and “pay myself back” an hour at a time.
One reason I really hate lending her money is because I know that sometimes she’s giving it to her flakey sons. Ugh. They’re able bodied men, but they’re part of that seemingly growing number of men who’d rather sit at home playing video games (what’s up with THAT!!!) One son would order Pay Per View and “promise” to pay when the bill came, but would have some lame excuse when that time came. God forbid that guys like this would be handed $11k-15k per year just for breathing. I know that they would never work another day in their lives if they got that money!!
For her birthdays and Christmas, I find that it’s better to actually purchase a large item that she needs rather than give her a cash bonus (learned that the hard way). If I give her cash, she blows it on stupid stuff and then complains when she doesn’t have what she needs. Right now, she needs a washer, and if I hadn’t bought her a laptop for Christmas, I would have gotten her one. So, now I’ll look on CraigsList or whatever for a reliable used one.
She recently wanted to visit a friend in another state. She asked if I would help her buy her ticket, even though it would be a higher last minute purchase. I told her that the tix would cost much less if we bought it 7-14 days in advance. She didn’t like that. She wanted to go NOW. I refused to pay for a last minute tix. I don’t even do that for my own family unless emergency.
But that’s the rub…it’s that impulsive, “I have to have this,” “I deserve this,” “I don’t want to wait,” “I want what others have,” and so forth.
If she were given an add’l $1k a month from the gov’t, I know that she’d still be having the same troubles.