<p>Thanks for keeping things fresh!! ;)</p>
<p>I say a suit is not necessary, but a jacket and tie is. (I’m a lawyer, but I don’t do criminal work.) Anyone old enough to get in trouble with the police ought to have a nice jacket and tie anyway.</p>
<p>I think it is best to check with your own attorney for what is best to wear to hearing. Your attorney should be familiar with judge and what is best to wear before judge. We had a state circuit judge in Florida who wore robes in colors like robin blue, cardinal red, lucky green, etc., and his bailiffs would wear blazers in matching colors…whatever color mood the judge was in a particular day determined color for everyone else. Suits for defendants in court are most appropriate in most situations, but if you have a judge with quirky, non-normal preferences for dress in courtroom, or any other crazy quirks, your attorney should know and alert you. Different strokes for different judges.</p>
<p>All of my positive thoughts and energy are coming your way, Fauxmaven.</p>
<p>Hugs and prayers to you and your son, Fauxmaven.</p>
<p>I’m sorry Fauxmaven but they generally put them where there is room in accordance with the crime. I’ve seen people placed clear across the state from their families.</p>
<p>My son will be in a minimum security prison, so I am guessing he will be in South Jersey.I just got a Prius! I am in Essex County.</p>
<p>Thank you for modeling wonderful parent support since any of us could suddenly be in your position. You are the new model for grace under pressure
We continue to send all CC good vibes that he will serve close to you and in a good facility</p>
<p>You didn’t say how long your son will be there, but I’m glad it’s a minimum security. I’m hoping your new car won’t get much milage as you travel back and forth to visit. Did you check out where minimum security prisons are in NJ using that link I sent in post #14? When does he start? </p>
<p>Okay, the unknowns are over for now. Enjoy Thanksgiving!</p>
<p>He will be most likely in South Jersey, as that is where most of the minimum security prisons are .He will be in STATE not federal prison. The whole prison thing is likes a twisted CC-you don’t get to pick your place! That will mean lots of driving and less visits.</p>
<p>fauxmom,hats off to you for handling this whole thing with grace. One of mine was once arrested,spent a night in jail and had to make a court appearance (got community service). I know that is just a tiny inkling of what you’re facing but I can relate a little bit to the angst. Hope he is assigned to a facility that is not too awful far for you to be able to visit frequently. On another note…we bought a Prius last April…LOVE it. I think I last bought gas in mid. Oct.</p>
<p>My heart does a little lurch for you when I read the title of this thread. Wishing you the best in this process, and yes, you are a wonderful example of grace under hard circumstances. </p>
<p>Saw my friend this week, whose son was incarcerated, and again, some good things came of the process. He’s doing very well, growing and changing all the time, several years post release. But yes, so hard. Hugs.</p>
<p>So he will be sent to a prision in NJ for sure? At least NJ is a small state and not Texas or Alaska or even Pennsylvania or New York. I agree with posters who said to ask your lawyer. I can see how a judge might look down on a $1,000 suit for a white collar criminal but showing up in casual clothes won’t get you any more sympathy, I think.</p>
<p>No, we are clear about the fashion aspect of this.</p>
<p>My brother once sat alongside an agemate friend during a sentencing. She was the mom of the young man being sentenced. My own elderly mother went along, too. They all knew this family and these things happen; it’s a time to show solidarity. So if you have very appropriate friends who’ll sit with you, too, and provide a family-feeling of support, that <em>might</em> be a good thing (ask lawyer). </p>
<p>The question of understanding and remorse is important, as there is sometimes a dialogue that reveals how the person is thinking. In this case, the young man had been found guilty of statutory rape of an underage girl ten years younger than himself, met in a bar and then went right back to his place and they had sex. </p>
<p>The judge kind of baited him by asking at sentencing, “Did you at least take her out to dinner first?” He answered to the judge, “I didn’t have to.” </p>
<p>Atr that point, the look on the judge’s face turned stone cold. He gave the maximum sentence possible. The young man demonstrated he had no grasp of his crime (and had refused lawyer’s and family advice to plea bargain…went to trial instead and lost). </p>
<p>He served the sentence and kept himself safe in state prison by “minding his own business” as he said. Now he’s trying to put it behind him.</p>
<p>So it’s not just saying the correct script; it is also trying as much as possible to grasp what has happened, so he can respond appropriately to any surprise questions acceptably.</p>
<p>Similarly, my dad served on a parole board. He said the two things he looked for were: personal remorse and evidence of family support. Without those two elements, a parole would likely reoffend.</p>