<p>I am in the same boat, but I have decided to just not worry about it. I can take care of myself, and if a guy likes me, then it shouldn’t be an issue for him. I say just stay confident in yourself and don’t lower your expectations, unless your expectations are the equivalent of a greek god :P. But seriously, I think that it is just as big as a deal as you make of it.</p>
<p>Just don’t be shy and withdrawn. I’m a freshman at a ~1:3 female, male ratio university and despite the noticeable lack of girls there are a few I noticed who, despite being very attractive, are shy and don’t talk, interact much beyond their roommate and basically non existent with other guys. </p>
<p>Just also remember that this is college and you’re paying for it and that academics come first i.e don’t go overboard with your social life.</p>
<p>My S is also an introverted nerd and we joke that some girl will see him as a “project” and he won’t know what happened.</p>
<p>So if you see a guy who is even shyer than you–you can be the one to polish this diamond in the rough!</p>
<p>I’m not going to put my moral two cents into this, but I do have one point to make. Do not move in without getting married. This doesn’t really deal with being a freshman, so it will be a while, but the statistics prove it. If you plan on getting married, you are WAY more likely to get divorced if you live together before that.</p>
<p>Oh I highly disagree with the above. Don’t get married without living together! Seriously, if you’re going to commit your life to someone, don’t you want to make sure you can live together peacefully?</p>
<p>And the latest statistics disagree with you.</p>
<p>I also think it’s a shady claim.</p>
<p>Living together initially does not promote later divorce.</p>
<p>Stay focused, people!</p>
<p>OP, just be true to yourself. As others have said, complete your applications, finish high school on a strong note, and be prepared for all of the new experiences of college life, keeing in mind your education. Everything else will occur in its own time. :)</p>
<p>Divorce Statistics agree with me. If you don’t know what someone is like from dating them for however long, without moving in, you obviously haven’t gotten to know them well enough. Living together is a cop out. It’s “oh, well, I don’t want to get married. What’s something that uses less commitment.” Either man up and commit, or break up. You don’t hear about old happy couples that lived together but never married, you hear about old happy couples who MARRIED.</p>
<p>The most modern statistics don’t agree anymore. It’s becoming more and more common to live together before marriage. Most people aren’t doing it as a replacement to marriage, but as a step towards marriage. And it makes complete logical sense. Knowing someone and living with someone are two entirely different animals. Adorable quirks can become obnoxious annoyances, different lifestyles can conflict, just day to day living can kill a relationship, which is better dealt with before marriage in my opinion. Personally, I will never marry someone without knowing if I can live with them everyday forever. </p>
<p>Also, statistics are not people. Every individual case is unique. People should do what they are comfortable with, and not be swayed by statistics or random people on the internet, myself included. Just my two cents.</p>
<p>Look, if you believe in cohabitation before marriage, that’s fine, but you need to see the other side too. First off, a lot of people don’t see marriage like buying a car where you try it for a few days and then see if you think it’ll make you happy. They see marriage and sex as a sacrosanct union between two rational creatures that forms a natural union; therefore, they don’t want to form a personal, sexual union by having sex with just anyone. It’s like raising a child–it’s not like one can just “try it out” for a few days and give birth to a child and see if they like it for a few days and if not, oh well, it’s off to the foster home. Second, even though cohabitation isn’t necessarily indicative of divorce, a cohabiting couple are at much greater risk for family abandonment by the male, children out of wedlock, and STDs (especially for women), all due to the non-binding, not unitizing nature of cohabitation. So if you promote cohabitation, that’s fine (far be it from be to “judge” you), but try to understand that “the other side” refrains from such a lifestyle for valid reasons.</p>
<p>I have never bought into the whole “testing out the annoying quirks” argument. If you’re in a serious relationship without living together, undoubtedly you’ve spent weekends or other chunks of time at each other’s places, giving time for those “annoying quirks” to surface. Besides, I didn’t marry my husband for his roommate compatablity. You’re not buying a car or a house - those won’t work with you to improve. Hopefully, your significant other will.</p>
<p>But I agree, it depends on the people and the relationship. I’ve seen it happily done both ways. But to do something just because a statistic says so, is crazy.</p>
<p>OK</p>
<p>A ) Recent statistics disagree that it is indicative of divorce.
B ) Correlation =/= causation.
C ) Do whatever makes you happy. I personally could NEVER imagine living with someone without make sure we would be happy living together, but that’s me. Other people differ. I also don’t understand the whole waiting until marriage for sex thing. Don’t you want to make sure you’re sexually compatible? Like it or not, that is a big part of relationships. But again, others differ and whatever works best for you is fine and dandy. </p>
<p>OP, just go with the flow. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do. It’s really that simple. You’ll be fine. Best of luck!</p>
<p>@crimsonstained7</p>
<p>In fact I do know some old, happy, UNmarried couples. My aunt, now in her late 60s, lost her husband to a heart attack nearly 20 years ago. She met a man after that they she has been involved with for MANY years now. They have not married, however are happily co-habitating. In fact they have recently purchased a retirement home together.</p>
<p>My grandmother’s brother, now in his 80s, lost his wife to cancer a few years ago. After being married for over 50 years, he was uncomfortable living alone. He is hapily sharing a home with a woman and I doubt that they have any plans to marry at this point in their lives.</p>
<p>A few statistics: ([Cohabitation</a> Facts and Statistics](<a href=“http://marriage.about.com/od/cohabitation/qt/cohabfacts.htm]Cohabitation”>Living Together Before Marriage: What It Means for Your Relationship))</p>
<p>Couples who lived together before marriage tend to divorce early in their marriage. If their marriage last seven years, then their risk for divorce is the same as couples who didn’t cohabit before marriage.</p>
<p>In France and Germany cohabiting couples have a slightly lower risk of divorce. </p>
<p>If cohabitation is limited to a person’s future spouse, there is no elevated risk of divorce.</p>
<p>In the U.S., cohabiting couples taking premarital education courses or counseling are not at a higher risk for divorce.</p>
<p>The bottom line is do whatever YOU are comfortable with and don’t let anyone, including a significant other, but definitely not an anonymous blogger, sway you into making a decision you are not sure about. If you don’t feel comfortable co-habitating prior to marriage…don’t, if it works for you, then you are definitely not alone.</p>
<p>OP is concerned about not having gone on a first date, but people are responding by giving advice about cohabitation? This seems like a ridiculous leap to me.</p>
<p>^ Threads rarely stay on topic. Someone brought it up and we were responding to him/her, not to the OP really.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Heroin makes people super happy. Perhaps the advice shouldn’t be so simplistic. The Greedy Algorithm seldom leads to optimal outcomes. </p>
<p>Anyway I cant imagine that the OP will have any actual issues in college. As long as she ditches the asians. ;-)</p>
<p>Or not- asian males are an overlooked group that she would probably find good dating prospects in.</p>
<p>umm…I would actually advise her to ditch the male Asian crowd–a lot of them are either awkward or don’t really approach women, although they are probably going to be successful career-wise in life (you know, because they work hard, are pre-med or engineering majors, etc.).</p>
<p>I’ve only read the first post in this thread. OP: No problem because you shouldn’t have any emotional baggage from prior relationships that may affect developing a healthy relationship during your college years.</p>
<p>I had a roomate that didnt date all through HS & college. Finally in his 4th year he connects up with this girl and 2 weeks later he drops out of school and runs off with her. The relationship fell apart a few months later. </p>
<p>So…dont worry, love will happen. Just keep things in perspective when it does.</p>
<p>I meant people who cohabited since they were at the same age that most marry (25-30 ish), not people who cohabitate when they are older. Often they do that later because it is not worth it, financially, to marry.</p>
<p>Love is an action. Yes you have to be attracted to them, but you don’t just magically fall in love and stay in love. It takes work. Just ask old married couples, and they’ll tell you. Dealing with little quirks is part of it. Either you accept that you’re being too harsh, or they realize that their habit is annoying and work on it. You’re thinking of infatuation/puppy love/honeymooner love.</p>
<p>And, yes I plan to not have sex until I’m married. No, I don’t need to see if I’m sexually compatible, because if I’m personally/spiritually/mentally compatible, the rest will follow. Plus, would you want your spouse to be comparing you mentally to past lovers?</p>