I was just going to say something similar. My daughter has several school friends who live in the same town as the University they all attend. Her friends rarely go home but do occasionally. It works out well for them. However, I see on our parent board kids who go home a LOT initially and it’s not uncommon for them to having trouble assimilating. My daughter struggled a little freshman year and I think being forced to figure it out, instead of coming home when she was homesick, was very valuable for her. Sometimes we would get “I’m lonely and homesick and there is nothing to do tonight” phone calls followed up by a text an hour later when she was having a blast hanging out in someone’s room. Had she been closer she probably would have come home after those calls rather than putting herself out there and getting to know the people around her.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with going to school in your hometown for many kids, though maybe it depends on your kids personality and your relationship with them. With my daughter’s personality and how close we are with her, I think it would have been a bad choice for us. Even settling boundaries and expectations about visits I think we would have had her home more than was probably good for her. However, now that she’s settled, I certainly wish we were closer. There are times when I think just being able to take her out for dinner when she’s stressed would be beneficial for us all.
When I went to UIUC back in the day I was about 2 1/2 hours from home. My parents were told to discourage trips home, and to avoid visits, for about at least a month. This allows the kids time to get settled and forces them to put themselves out there a little bit. I see parents on our parent board who are rushing to campus the first weekend and I always feel bad for those kids.
That’s the time when kids are are struggling to find their place and they need to be there and be present to do that. Also, my daughter always feels a little homesick for a day or two after coming home so I think frequent visits would be disruptive for her. Though maybe being far away makes that worse since she knows she can’t come home again for awhile.
So, I guess my thoughts are it depends on the kid and the family dynamics. I do think it’s important for kids to find their way and parents to allow them to do that. If you have the type of kid who can likely do that relatively easily, it’s probably nothing to worry about at all. If you have a more dependent type (of if you are the type of parent who will have trouble letting them struggle even a little), it might be a struggle. If yours is in-between (like I suspect most are) than I think just having an understanding about how you all see things working would probably suffice.