We lived in an extreme climate when our kids were little. That taught us to carefully pick our battles when it came to weather-appropriate attire. You can let so much slide. People in warm climates would be appalled at what people in cold climates regularly do. And the natural consequences for refusing shoes in the daycare parking lot were rather effective (only took a couple seconds with each kid). Turns out one of our kids has a legit medical condition that makes him run very hot, and I have one that makes me feel cold. So Iâm usually wearing at least one more layer than him at all times.
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As both a parent and a teacher, the whole âdressing for the weatherâ thing is also based on lifestyle.
At the typical public school, kids thend to run hot and also spend 90% of their time in overheated classrooms. Actually outside time in the elements during recess is usually 15 minutes. Kids run from heated buses or cars to a heated building. They would much rather not have to deal with stuffing a coat, hat, gloves and boots in a locker than feel chilly for a short period of time. Some actually need that blast of cold air to wake up their brains. When itâs dangerously cold, we donât go outside, anyway. My concern is only for the kids that take the bus and have to stand in dangerously cold temperatures for extended periods of time, especially if the bus is late. (Youâd be surprised at how many kids also wait in a heated car for the bus to pull up). For many, the natural consequence of not dressing as their mother thinks they should isnât being cold, itâs being more comfortable for the majority of their day.
My son went to a school where they got an hour recess and plenty of space for their personal belongings. Every kid there brought snow pants and boots because they wanted to play outside as long as possible. My son would pass the kids at the public school bus stop, wearing shorts and no coats, and think they were nuts because they were going to freeze at recess. He didnât realize they werenât out long enough to freeze.
I wasnât able to read the article, but my sense is that FAFO is not about breaking things or being the source of pain. Rather, I see it as simply standing aside to allow the natural consequences of the childâs action and being consistent in doing that.
Didnât get up in time? Youâre late or miss whatever you needed to get up for.
Forgot to put your homework/project in your backpack? Oh well, hope you remember next time.
Didnât pick up your toys before bedtime (firm rule in our house)? Iâll stand here until you do. (Alternative: Iâll put them in a box in a random closet; you get to find them.)
Etc.
No need to inflict physical pain or break anything, just make sure the child understands first-hand each and every time that actions have consequences even if some of those consequences seem harsh.
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I think what irks me most about the coat comments on the college parent pages is that the parents who post it donât appear ready to allow their 18+ to make that simple decision for himself (or herself but itâs mostly asked by boy moms), or they donât seem to have any confidence in the childâs ability to use common sense (Iâm cold, let me put on my coat).
Additionally, trying to pre-solve scenarios for the kids (e.g., questions about what to do if they lose room key/card) rather than letting the kid navigate through it themselves. Kind of concerning.
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Oh boy those parent pages are really something. Itâs a wonder some of those kids manage to do anything on their own. Thank goodness their parents at least send them away, and they get some independence that way.
The natural consequence of our kid waiting until 10 pm to start packing the car for college was: he had to do it alone in a torrential downpour, had to search youtube to figure out how to unlatch heavy seats and move them out the van himself, had to lug things up/down stairs alone, and didnât ask for help since he knew better than to wake us up due to his own procrastination. But hey, the car was all packed when I woke up the next morning! He did the same thing at moveout. Didnât pack before I got there, so did it all himself while I slept. I donât know how snowplow parents would have handled those situations.
Thereâs only so much nagging you can do before you have to either do it yourself or let it go. Weâve gotten good at letting it go and letting the chips fall where they may for most stuff. When their inaction is going cause a consequence for ME? I tell the kid they their desire to procrastinate is not gonna fly since it affects ME too. For that stuff, Iâll watch them do the task if necessary. Those events are annoying and Iâm happy theyâre rapidly decreasing in frequency as the kids mature.
Weâre parenting (future) adults. We are all precious individuals, yet we live in a society. Treat them with that in mind; itâs simultaneously simple and complex.
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Didnât look in the ownerâs manual of the van for that?
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People still do that? 
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I taught both of our boys how to pick locks. One of them helped a friend get back into their freshman dorm room by picking the lock with paper clips.
Our boys knew we meant what we said, said what we meant, and accountability is a part of life. Did they misbehave? Absolutely. Did they do their fair share of stupid stuff? Of course. When it crossed the line, though, they were punished.
As an aside, yesterday I learned parental corporal punishment is still legal in Virginia.
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I think so, just donât beat themâŠsuffer consequences but donât let them get hurt (seriously) and donât beat them.
My kids were always asking me to carry or hold their stuff. Theyâd hand me a melting ice cream and say âDonât eat it.â Hmm, take your chances.
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Assume this is what Iâve heard referred to as lawnmower parenting elsewhere? Maybe it depends what part of the country youâre in. Not many snowplows in the coastal areas of CAđ
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Hahaha, yes. To me it is more common, and more detrimental, than âhelicopterâ parenting. Removing obstacles from kids prevents them from learning how to handle situations on their own.
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