Your writing statements indicate all the classic signs of depression.
Please go see a counselor; there is a lot that you are saying here that can be said directly to a counselor. Counselors wont JUDGE you!
Change evolves and takes a little time. (If you got into Harvard, you are brilliant!)
The counselor won’t make you immediately become social. The counselor will work with you and other medical professionals in a confidential setting to help you understand the heavy load you have been carrying without the support you need.
Ask me in a PM how I know this.
As a Mama, my perspective is: you need to know that we carry you for nine months and we love you without even knowing you. Then we try to raise you right, but we are human and we make the most awful mistakes because we are NOT perfect. We don’t know anything, so we watch and ask others and we learn as we are raising you. Its not perfect. We still love you and wevtry to make the best of things. We don’t like to admit that we could be wrong, but it does happen that we SCREW UP our kids! I’ve made incredibly stupid mistakes with my three, and fortunately for my husband and I, our kids have forgiven our mistakes.
Please don’t assume or make the mistake that everyone is raised to be perfect social butterflies. It takes practice and work for many of us just to be able to get up, go to work/school, meet others, shop, interact and entertain ourselves.
A counselor will provide another avenue for you to reflect upon and help with your depression. You’re smart enough to know that.