<p>In general, this is a very solid essay, maybe around a 10 or 11. You do a very good job of demonstrating how your thesis is true. Also, you develop the supporting paragraphs well. The advanced vocabulary is fairly well incorporated, though you may want to use a little less.</p>
<p>However, I feel that you should state your thesis more clearly. Initially, it is somewhat unclear which side you are taking. Be sure to be very clear and concise about this. Another thing you may consider doing is to use a variety of types of examples; instead of solely historical examples, try literary or contemporary ones. In the last paragraph, you say “in any case.” The “any” is too strong; keep it a bit more subtle.</p>
<p>All in all, a good essay, with some room for improvement. Just out of curiosity, how long is it hand-written? It seems a bit short, though you may just have big handwriting. Be sure to fill up both pages.</p>