<p>I find your essay powerful and supportive!
Experts always say its safer to use 2 to 3 examples in your essay because it saves time and also its more likely to strengthen your argument.
However here in your essay you extended your one example; its also a great way of writing !
When you extend an example, though, you should be careful to state more than an aspect of that example.
Also try to add more statements that would relate your essay to the whole universe and how (your example) could affect the whole society either positively or negatively.
Another small point is that “Plus” is not a formal way in resembling addition. Try using “In addition to” or "Furthermore " instead.
Try also to vary your vocabulary more. (which I am also working on 
)</p>
<p>I hope that’s helpful! 
I’d give your essay a 10! :)</p>
<p>Please if you don’t mind to also let me know your opinion on my essay!
I am also taking it tomorrow (3rd of may)
Thank you in advance :)</p>
<p>My essay
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