All grad school programs assistance is not equal (health care professions often offer little to no scholarships, grants, etc.)
All family financial situations are not equal for any level of schooling - from pre-K on up to medical or law school or whatever.
All do not have opportunities for a loan free anything. Sometimes CC treats some loans (not talking tens of thousands or more) as poison. It is often what is necessary.
We do help our grad student and she expresses her thanks for everything from paying her rent to letting her splurge on a few extra items at Trader Joes. But she also has invested financially in her education all along - from work study in high school to working part time in grad school.
Both kids graduated without loans. Kid 1 worked in low paying public interest field without a lot of job security and we helped bridge the gap sometimes. Kid 1 is in law school now, took the offer with more merit aid to reduce the loans. We filled up his fridge when he moved in, but other than that, he is on his own. Kid 2 graduated with a job in business, his salary meets, but just barely, his reasonable living expenses. He is fully funding his 401k to take advantage of his employer’s match, and is on our health insurance and phone. We did a grocery shop when he moved into his apartment, the rest is on him.
@Publisher My D isn’t interested in anything below M7 except maybe Yale. There are very few scholarships at M7, and the few are ultra competitive. And as she is applying this year for deferred admission, I’m not sure she qualifies for the few offered. We will see. (Unless something changes, she will get an employer-sponsored MBA as she has accepted a full time offer at a sponsoring company. So we haven’t really dug too deep into scholarships.)
DD is in a fully-funded MFA program. Her housing costs have been higher than she’d hoped because she wanted to live alone. Bank of Mom & Dad has covered the cost of a new computer, a new set of tires for her car, and occasional just-before-paycheck grocery bills. Pretty much what we might have helped her out with if she were still at home. These things haven’t hurt our budget, and she’s responsible about handling her money. Things would be different if our money were tight, if there were more kids in the family, or if she were inclined to spend her own money frivolously.
My daughter just decided to get a masters. She is working so she’s paying. She decided not to look into having her employer pay because they want her to commit to working for them afterwards. Her objective is to get more skills so she can move on.
We paid for undergrad and she’s been self supporting since she graduated.
Her boyfriend has medical school debt. His parents also paid for undergrad and my understanding is that they paid for his car and they pay for his phone. Other than that, he is self supporting now as he is still training.
Yeah. It’s not possible for all of us to afford all that we want to do for our children and even if many can, likely most of them make a huge sacrifice.
While our daughter is in a funded PhD program, the stipend is very low. We cover her cell phone bill as well as auto and renter’s insurance - it’s all bundled with ours, so the rate is better than she’d get on her own. We also match any contributions she makes to her Roth IRA and have done so since she was an undergrad. We are able to do these things because she chose to earn her undergraduate degree at the school that gave her a very generous merit scholarship.
I don’t see how so many of your kids are supporting themselves while doing grad work! Please tell! Grad funding and living expense just don’t match.
I keep my own expenses down, live in a small one bedroom. My kids want to be independent and all work but it’s tough. I figure helping them now means better opportunities later. If they can focus on academic work and teaching and not have to wait tables or whatever. So I see it as an investment that may pay off financially.
My big question is whether a lump sum is better, or slipping in payments of individual items. So far I am going for a lump sum twice a year, which seems to feel better for them. They try to refuse, but I know they need it. Simple math.
If your student is in professional school, it’s not likely they will have the time to work. I’m talking medical school, dental school, law school. Law school students do have the opportunity for paid internships in the summers, and should absolutely do these. Medical school students go year round after the first year. Working a side job is impossible.
I know parents who are paying in full for expensive grad and professional schools as well as all living expenses. They’ve cut down their own lifestyles drastically but doesn’t want kids to go in debt or waste time on side hustle unless it’s career related. I see difficult retirement years in their future but it’s a choice as this is a obviously a big priority for them. It’s a questionable choice but to each it’s own.
My parents’ policy was undergrad on them and grad on my brother and me. Fortunately for me, Berkeley Law was incredibly cheap back then such that with summer internships plus a TA position for 2 years, I had everything covered plus some. Brother went to med school, and I think my parents had to break their policy and help out.
We are taking the same approach with our kids. No promises that we will be helping with grad school. D is applying for a 6Y program in an area that is fully funded. I suspect that we might occasionally “gift” her extras, like new appliances, family vacations, but we do want her to budget her lifestyle to her income. S is about to graduate and his profession may not require a grad degree. We will treat him the same as his sister.
Our grad student can borrow what she needs to cover what her tuition waiver and stipend does not. She’s got a roommate, and is in a relatively low cost of living area.
We are helping her with a car and car insurance & we cannot wait until that is over.
She is on track to have a good paying job when she graduates, and has the rest of her life to pay off her loans. She is very lucky (& so are we!) to have no UG debt due to her full ride at U of KY.
I think figuring out costs for grad work is harder to get a handle on than UG. Seems like it can vary not only between different universities, but also within universities depending on college, major, etc. For instance, my D2 humanities Phd program is much better funded than D1’s BF STEM phd - hers a private, his state univ. Even with lower COL area, his was barely livable. Hers is very doable. D2 looked at program at a state school - the stipend there would have been 2/3 what she currently has. D2
Seems like masters programs are even harder to nail down. Anecdotally, I have niece who did Ag Education masters at state school, got a graduate assistantship in her department that included tuition waiver plus stipend. Another family friend got Masters in Journalism at state school - no GA in her major (not sure if didn’t exist or just not enough to go around), but did get a GA is the university housing department and still received tuition waiver and stipend. (The U often posted GA positions that were not attached to a specific program - good thing to look for when searching for programs with funding).
D1 got her Masters in Education - no time to do GA. In fact they were told they wouldn’t have time for job while doing this program since they spent several days a week interning and eventually student teaching. Now she did have a small part-time job on the weekends but she couldn’t have worked enough to pay for tuition and living expenses. She floated idea that she didn’t want to live at home for masters but we flatly refused to fund that
D1 had merit funding for humanities masters degree and had that option at a couple of schools, but I think it was unique to places she applied and type of program.
Law, medicine, MBA, other professional programs are mostly different I think. Not my area (even though I have MBA that I borrowed for).
My grad student health professions D’s employment is flexible babysitting for a family where the parents are both University professors and who pay her very well. It’s not stable scheduled work but when she can it’s very profitable for her.
I can’t imagine how she could have a scheduled position with the days/hours they are expected to be available for program commitments and then mountains of studying on top of it.
Twice a year I give her a lump sum of $$$. Supplement with the “this and that” through the year as offered - she has a credit card tied to us so it’s easy. Also VENMO - easy!
That was originally up to ds. We had the “education $ pile.” It was generous and enough to fund full-freight (which we were) at any institution in the country. However, if he had taken a full-ride option (he had two), or something in between remaining money in the pile would have then been available for grad school or other as-we-deemed-reasonable things.
He chose to spend the entirety of his “pile” on an elite undergrad. Worth every penny, IMO. His current company has historically sponsored MBAs to certain institutions. They cover tuition and provide a stipend (though not enough to live on). I don’t know if that policy will continue. Dh is absolutely done funding education for ds. I don’t feel the same way, and we have yours, mine, and ours money, so I can do what I want. I have an amount in mind that I would be willing to subsidize ds for any additional costs beyond what his company pays if he chooses to go that route. I have gifted him $15,000 the last two years with no strings attached, but with his knowing that that is part of any grad school subsidy from me should he choose to go. I will likely gift him another $15,000 next year but will have a conversation with him that that I will probably not be gifting anymore unless he chooses to attend grad school.
But, if he didn’t attend through his company’s plan, I wouldn’t pay for any more than the amount I am currently willing to contribute.
He is aware of my max grad school “pile” amount.
My son made the choice To do extra TAs and summer jobs during grad school, which greatly added to his stipend. He had NIH for 3 (4?) years, and I do not know how much that paid. I’m sure all these extras delayed his graduation, but I also think he needed breaks.
Because I went thru the PhD route, I know how tight it was. Rarely going out to eat, cooking cheaply, no clothes, and too many roommates. I offered my son more, to make life more enjoyable, but he is who he is.
D1 was in a completely funded PhD program (which she didn’t complete, but that’s another story)
.D2 was admitted to a master’s in nursing program for those with science background but not RNs. It was not funded, in fact I suspect that this program brings in more money than it costs the private university. The second year she was awarded a tiny scholarship. We gave her about half of the tuition and she took out loans for the rest. She is very frugal and paid off her loans in less than four years. She needed a car for her second year and we sold her my 10 year old Subaru for a fraction of what the trade in value was.
ETA - she had been savings to cover most of her living expenses at the cheap rental shared with 4 housemates.
It is so much harder now, but I got my masters through a combination of tuition support, very minimal stipend, summer work, and savings from working for a few years before grad school. My then BF, now DH, had to take loans for his grad school. We both graduated with zero savings and loans to pay off. He got a job right away, but it took me a long time to find something. If I didn’t have free tuition, out financial situation would have been very difficult. And that was in the early 1980s when tuition was much lower.
We have offered to help or fully fund if S wants a master’s or grad degree — so far he’s declined. He got > 50% tuition merit award at his private U, which was a huge help.
At this point, S doesn’t know what benefit a grad degree would offer, so isn’t interested (he’s pretty practical).
I got an MPH - tuition 30k/year - with a half tuition scholarship and managed to get a teaching position for one semester that covered tuition and gave a stipend. The rest I borrowed it all plus housing costs.
I’m in my 6th year of a fully funded phd program and the stipend + my other work/grants + my partner’s very low income is more than enough to cover our living expenses.
Even if my parents were in a position to help (they weren’t for UG or grad), it wouldn’t occur to me to ask them for help. I figure by the time you’re going to grad school, you’re more or less on your own.
Those of you still funding your students are very generous - I’m sure they’re grateful
