<p>I was on the edge of tears many times during the day of my D’s graduation this weekend and was afraid that I would cry during the ceremony. But, the ceremony was so enjoyable and she was just so gloriously happy, that I just beamed through the whole thing. I am hoping something similar happens, when I leave her at her new school 5000 miles away from home. The passage of time is so very hard to deal with.</p>
<p>I feel like this, too, but I think dd is trying to keep us from missing us – by making the house horribly messy and refusing to clean up, talking back, stomping around, etc.</p>
<p>I recall a point during July, with our eldest, where I said, “You know, this could be the last time we’ll be passing a salt shaker on a Wednesday when it’s cloudy together as 5…” I had identified so many “lasts” it was getting to be morose.</p>
<p>Then in late August, we had many “firsts.” Our first kid to go to college! The first time he chose courses and told us all about it. </p>
<p>It’s a roller-coaster the entire summer. It’s HUGE each time. Now it’s our last…last. Youngest will go to college in fall. So maybe I can turn it around into something different, because this is getting downright funereal sometimes.</p>
<p>Maybe I can teach the dog to read?</p>
<p>Oh my gosh, even though it’s sad, it helps to know you are not alone. When my co-worker told me I should be happy, I thought there might be something wrong with me. Thanks, everybody for sharing. I’m still sad, but at least I know I’m normal. </p>
<p>Paying3tuitions, I LOVED your post. I really did laugh out loud!!!</p>
<p>BBVienna, I’m so sorry that your H is not here to see your S’s accomplishments. That must be very difficult for you both. How did the prom go for him, or is he awake yet? :)</p>
<p>Yes, how was the prom? :)</p>
<p>Hugs to you, BBVienna!</p>
<p>Prom was a huge success, S called at 2:30 am to say he was safe and sound at a friends house and they(20 or so) were all staying up for a big breakfast together. When he called he said the highlight was when they drove the limo into Washington DC and toured around all the monuments at around 1 am, he said it was so peaceful and magical. He thanked me and said he loved me…now it is monday and senior trip to Kings Dominion, then three days of exams, graduation next weds! Then off to orientation at USC 18th and 19th</p>
<p>I’ve been in denial about the whole graduation thing for months. Graduation is Friday and my H and I just started looking at graduation presents this weekend. I just can’t get my head around the idea that come September, he’ll be 3,000 miles away. He’s helped a little by becoming scarce this year (Senioritis+EA+Girlfriend = no time at home) but it’s still hard thinking about all the things we do as a family and that we won’t be doing it anymore. Okay, now I’m fully depressed. Too bad there were no good schools in California!</p>
<p>My wife and I have been empty nesters for a year. This will sound out of place in this thread but we are enjoying it (a lot!).</p>
<p>Somebody already mentioned that lasts and the firsts. High school graduations were 4 years and 1 year ago for us. We experienced almost everything that has been written in previous posts.</p>
<p>Our daughter is back for the summer. We are enjoying it tremendously but it is different. The “firsts” are still happening. Sometime last week I woke up at my usual early bird time and there she was, happily chatting on IM and Facebook. Luckily the hamster keeps the same schedule.</p>
<p>Later this week we will be heading to California for another first/last. Our son is graduating from college. We live in New Jersey and he will come back to the East Coast for Graduate School, but I am still getting melancholic about the whole thing. I keep thinking how much <i> will miss California.</i></p><i>
<p>Something to consider is the availability of technology. E-mail, IM and cell phones are a great thing. I keep thinking about my parents 25 years ago when my wife and I moved to this country for graduate school. A 3 minute call every other week to alternating in-laws did the trick plus a lot of handwriting by my wife. By contrast I just saw my son on line and sent a “hey.” A “hey dad” came back. It feels great.</p>
<p>For me a crucial moment in the separation came a week or two after our son started classes when I realized he was happy where he was. The same thing happened with our daughter. It would have been much more difficult for us if either of them had felt home sick. Somehow the same golden rule that has guided me during the first 25 years of our marriage (“if she is happy I am happy”) applies to children as well.</p>
<p>Another first is in the works. As happy empty nesters we have already had to adjust to our daughter being here. For a few weeks latter in the summer it will be the four of us together again, except this time we are all adults. Wish us luck! I already took care of one anticipated problem by taking carefully angled pictures of their rooms before they arrived. I plan to blow them up to poster size and tape them to the doors. Hopefully my wife will not notice the doors are closed…</p>
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<p>Of course you are sad, and melancholy, and nostalgic, and all that!!! It’s hard, because our kids are usually pretty relieved to have the whole high-school thing over with and are excited at the prospect of the new adventures.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, we’re relizing that we’re going to have to figure out how to deal with the holes in our hearts that will be there when our kids are gone.</p>
<p>Talk about 2 sets of conflicting emotions!</p>
<p>I think it’s OK to tell our kids that we are feeling sad for ourselves at the same time as we are excited for them, AND that we’ll be able to deal with it (whether we believe it ourselves at the time or not). I also think it’s a good idea to find a way to grieve away from them, because this really is OUR problem.</p>
<p>–this from a mom who was in your shoes this time last year and remembers it well!</p>
<p>I am really appreciating all the support on this post. I am hoping our first will be happy and not homesick in his new life away from home (in august). There is truth in the saying “a mom can only be as happy as her most miserable child”. I’m hoping for the best…</p>
<p>We parents think back on all that has happened over the years as it is the end of an era while the children don’t even remember half of the events we do and are looking forward. Totally different perspectives on the time also. One year later I realize how different life is when it doesn’t revolve around local school events- I am starting to remember when I didn’t know and didn’t care about school calendars, etc. This past year I discovered that when this year’s seniors graduate I will no longer know the people in the sports, plays or music events; I have become an outsider once again. </p>
<p>Don’t worry about your new college freshmen being too homesick- they will have an exciting new world to explore. Our problem as parents is that we don’t have a substitute for the old life immediately- the “empty” nest. Our children still need us so we can’t just move on like they do, we still have to provide the home anchor. They can abandon us, we can’t yet abandon them. Also, we still worry that our children will do ok, they don’t have a clue about all the potential problems we can envision. Many good thoughts expressed here, but they hit home and make me feel melancholy. At this time of year I am reminded of all the excitement of last year’s graduation and all the other HS events, it feels like ancient history. Unlike other passages- to HS from middle school…, we parents are no longer part of daily the life of our child once we get them safely off to their college; it can be tough after being needed (if not always wanted) for so many things.</p>
<p>Enjoy the graduations and preparing to send your new freshmen off to college.</p>
<p>Thanks to everyone for sharing. I loved the thread that told you how to keep yourself from crying. I’ll see if it works. Two more days until graduation . . .</p>
<p>Well, graduation itself turned out not to be the emotional event I expected. I can honestly say there wasn’t a damp eye in the house. I don’t know why that was. I don’t know if it was the lack of a pull on the heart strings speech (the Sal was hysterically funny and Val was captain of the Moot Court team – not a recipe for dredging up deep emotion) or maybe it was too tight shoes in too hot weather, but for me it was not the sob-fest I’d imagined. And as I looked around, I didn’t see anyone dabbing their eyes. But it was a wonderful – if tear free – celebration.</p>
<p>BurnThis,</p>
<p>My d’s graduation was not the emotional event I expected, either! I think it may be because I cried during the year at the last (fill in the blank), so by the time graduation rolled around, I had already mourned the passing of many events/activities. </p>
<p>The party was the day after graduation, so now I am feeling at loose ends waiting for the next phase of life to begin.</p>
<p>Well, one graduation down, one to go! My son graduated from college this past Saturday and I too did not cry as much as I had anticipated. In some ways I almost felt numb. Its just too hard to believe that the little boy has grown up, graduated from college and turned into an incredible man. His school made graduation incredibly personal (if that’s possible with over 900 graduating from the College alone, not counting grad/professional schools). When I saw him following the bagpipes into the quad I just couldn’t stop smiling. The two times the tears threatened were when they called his name and he crossed the podium to receive his diploma, and when I first saw him after the ceremony at his departmental reception tent. Then it was all smiles and laughter as he and his 6 roommates made (well, ordered in!) a lovely lunch in the backyard of their apartment building for all their family and friends. It was an incredible weekend that went much too quickly. Now tomorrow is my daughter’s first HS graduation. She attends a program at our HS that has its own graduation followed a week later by the main HS graduation. All 3 of my kids have been in this program and I have been very involved for the past 7 years. Each student has an advisor in the program and that person makes a 5 minute speech about each of their advisees during the graduation. I expect that I will make up for last weekend in tear production tomorrow…But then again, who knows.</p>