Graduation ceremony and secret narcissism

[MWolf]

@Melt_down;d-2186444

I’ve been going through here awhile and finding posts on parents complaining about there kids not wanting to walk the stage, and over all many people are saying that the ceremony is not about the actual student, but the parent so they can have so kind of bragging right. Everything I’m reading makes it sound like the college isn’t at all for making the student proud of what’s a great accomplishment but making there parents who, realistically did nothing, proud of themselves for just having a kid who went through college.

Say what?

I want to be at my daughter’s graduation to demonstrate just how proud I am of all the things she has done. If I wasn’t there, she would be extremely hurt.

And it sometimes is about the parents. I paid for my parents to fly across the country so that they could be at my PhD graduation/hooding. I also had my father hood me. If not for may father, I likely would never have done my PhD, and so my graduation was also about my parents.

The fact that some parents have toxic relationships with their kids does not mean that this is the rule.

As for “did realistically nothing”? I’m truly sorry if you had such a relationship with your parents, and I mean it. It is extremely sad when parents do not do anything to forward their kids education, or to help and support them, even on college.

However, I know what I have done to help my kid get where she is, and get where she will go. From living in a locations which provided the type of education in which she could shine, to providing academic and cultural enrichment opportunities, to supporting her in academics, in her social life, and in general. We have also helped her in many small ways in college - being academic, we could give her pointers and advice in all sorts of areas. We also have, hopefully, inspired her.

Finally, we have provided unconditional love and affection and support. No matter how bad she feels, no matter how difficult her college work is, she knows that she can call us, day or night, to vent, get a sympathetic hearing, and a different perspective (that it’s not really THAT bad).

So yes, my wife and I did a lot, from when she was a fetus until she graduates. We are unbelievably proud of her, but we know that we contributed a lot to her being where she is, and to, at the end, her graduating.

Moreover, I am absolutely, unquestionably, 100% certain, that the same can be said for every one of the parents here. While I have had many arguments and even fights with other parents here, there is one thing that I never doubt, and that is that they have done everything they can to help and support their kids, and that all of their kids’ successes are, to a large extent, the result of the love, support, work, and contributions of their parents.