@lalalemma: It is good that you are asking these questions now. Over time, you should find several schools that are a good fit (and others that are not). As for Swarthmore, it is demanding, but many students are able to participate in a range of activities while keeping up with their studies. We were on campus recently and spoke with a student who serves as a resident assistant, a teaching assistant, and a tour guide, while also playing a varsity sport. We know of many others with similar schedules. Obviously, such a schedule is not for everyone; I mention it only to reinforce the point that many students can balance schoolwork and multiple extracurricular activities.
By the way, there was a short thread about misery poker earlier this year. It provides a slightly different perspective on the matter: http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/swarthmore/1754330-misery-poker-please-explain.html