<p>My son got my height and H’s N Indian brown hair/eyes/skin- once when I was in the grocery store line when he was a baby a lady asked if he was adopted. We had considered a foreign adoption and our son doesn’t share my fair skinned Nordic looks. When they were little and played outdoors all of the time the neighbor boy had browner skin with his platinum blonde hair. My son looked like my dark wavy hair/eyes/olive skinned sister when he was small (my sister and I are 5" apart in height and each takes after one parent). Interestingly both of my brown eyed siblings married blue eyed spouses and have blue eyed children. </p>
<p>The new Spanish translator for his kindergarten was there the day I volunteered and the class was in the gym- he looked around for the kids he should translate for and saw mine, both his teacher and I shook our heads- no Spanish in our household…</p>
<p>Please people- also remember the Indian subcontinent is part of Asia. I get tired of assumptions about Asian looks, foods et al being Chinese/Korean… (as do those groups get tired of being lumped together). Our district has quite a few Hmong immigrants so they had a special assembly for them in middle school- my son was upset and brought home the invitation which prompted me to call the school and remind them all Asians did not fit that cultural group (son was the only Asian Indian in the school). They had gone to their “Asian” listing for the invitations- they were nice when I told them to correct it for such things.</p>
<p>Even as a pre-teen, I grew up vowing that I wouldn’t marry a man from my own culture, and couldn’t wait to escape to the Western world where women seem to be treated with more respect and given more independence. I did just that when I escaped to a graduate school in USA. When I got on that plane to USA, I vowed I would not come back to my home country to live there (though I loved to visit).</p>
<p>As such, I was never part of my ethnic community in the States - which has even more stifling pressure for conformity for home culture - they are overcompensating, being surrounded in a foreign culture here. As a result, my kids, though they frequently visited my home country, and for that matter, all over the world, have never been around kids from my side of the ethnic background much. The older one in college told me that many Asian kids tend to self segregate, and he finds that rather unattractive, and has no particular desire to join that “exclusive” group. My second one in HS more or less tells me the same story, though in his case, his HS has a very low Asian population so it’s less pronounced.</p>
<p>A friend of mine from my home country once told me that it’s such a shame that my kids are growing up not fully identifying themselves with my side of the culture. I should be ashamed for not having inculcated it on them. Well, I have no regrets. I raised my kids to be the citizens of the world. As for my own culture, yes, there are a lot of good aspects, and those that I fully internalized as good values, I naturally instilled them in my kids. However, there are a lot of dark sides of my own culture that I did my best to escape from. I have NO desire to present a rosy picture of an idealized utopia of a home country to them. </p>
<p>They have been told both good and bad, and they seemed to have no desire to go overboard to be part of “that community”. Heck, I can’t blame them. When I was half their age (literally!) I couldn’t wait to escape to the wider world.</p>
<p>Oceanview2-My colicky baby has turned out to be very bright, but his brain appears to be in hibernation for his teen years (at least at home). He also never slept through the night until almost 4, but is really making up for that now. He is almost 16 and a very easy child to parent, so I am glad the rougher stuff was the beginning years compared to some of the stories I hear of teens.</p>
<p>wis75-I agree with you that many people don’t think of India as part of Asia, and that it can get frustrating. We have a huge Asian festival in our town (just last week), and you will be happy to know that India, Nepal, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, Kazakhstan, and more are represented. </p>
<p>One scary thing that happened to the two of us was when he was 5 and we were traveling internationally. The immigration officers separated us, and began to question him; ‘is that your mother?’, ‘where is your father?’, ‘does he know you are here?’ I was completely freaked out, and mainly worried that son’s obnoxious sense of humor would rear its head, and he would answer wrong to be funny. Luckily, he did understand the importance of answering correctly (in that instance). I still think they did it because he doesn’t resemble me and we have such different coloring.</p>
<p>High profile international child abduction cases have made immigration people suspicious of children traveling with just one parent. Could be that a combination of factors made you and your child match the profile of an international child abduction to the immigration people.</p>
<p>wrldtravlr, we’ve had similar experiences. That’s another reason I always carry S’s birth certificate with me - we also have different last names which further complicates things. An earlier poster spoke of sadness that her half-and-half relative (sorry, can’t remember the exact racial mix) didn’t have ‘100% visual inclusion’ in any culture. . I don’t see that as anything to be sad about, really. I’m of mixed race and the funny thing is how warmly I’m welcomed in countries where I actually don’t have any ties (Turkey, Spain, Lebanon, Guatemala…). Makes me feel, what was the term, ‘world citizen’?</p>
<p>I concur with hyeunjlee. Having been considered a “foreigner” (in my way of thinking) in my youth, I was also determined to escape the culture back home in Asia. With an one-way ticket in my pocket, two luggage on my hands and $200 in my name, I came to the US as a graduate student. Fast forward 25 years, I still felt that I made the best decision in my life. Although I failed to become Bill Gates or gotten my Nobel Prize, I did brought my kids to a country where they can grow up to be whatever they wanted to be. What I wanted to be engraved on my tombstone is the following: Here rests a guy who tried his best to be a successful 1st generation of immigrant. At least, he made it possible for his offsprings to realize their own dreams.</p>
<p>@ Wis75, In general, Indian is Caucasian, which is slightly different from the rest of Asians. However, I saw distinct differences in kin color as well as facial features between southerners and northerners, when I traveled through India. In fact, I have seen some eastern Asian liking people in New Delhi Area. May be they trace their ancestry to the Great Ginghis Khan? From the cultural perspective, India is the home for one of few great civilizations in human history. Among other things, India gave us the Buddhism and many great philosophical treasures for out society today.</p>
<p>beawinner,
We understood later why our son was quite rebellious in his early years and refused to learn too much Mandarin or to absorb too much of the Chinese culture – he was, according to him, having a bit of an identity crisis, and was worried that if he became fluent in Mandarin then he would be more of a Chinese boy while he wanted to be pure American. Now, as a teenager, the identity crisis has passed and he regrets that he did not take better advantage of his time in China. He feels completely American now and is proud to be one, though not the jingoistic type under the spell of sweet-sounding propaganda. He is more the Noam Chomsky/Howard Zinn type who is proud of the America that gives him the right to question everything.</p>
<p>My girls have always identified with me more (mother-daughter thing). Growing up they always told people that they were Chinese. It wasn’t until they were older that they realized they looked very different than average Chinese, and they began to say to say their father was French/Irish. They don’t know Chinese because we didn’t speak it at home, out of laziness from my part. </p>
<p>Our girls are exotic looking because of their features and their height (5’8"). D1 has a lot of girlfriends in college who are half Asians. They are very main stream. As someone mentioned, Asian students tend to segregate themselves. At D1’s school, she definitely didn’t feel welcomed to their get togethers. She had few Asians girls on her floor freshman year, and they didn’t speak to her. She was a bit taken back by that.</p>
<p>I’m glad to see this discussion continues. Obviously, there are a number of us who take interest in this topic. Oldfort, my girls are also rather exotic looking, and while my oldest one in college has made several Asian friends both boys and girls, she seems to have trouble most with the girls. Not sure why that is, and it could certainly be all about her personality, but across the board, the boys seem to accept her more than the girls do. She made the decision last year to not associate very much with new immigrant kids in general. Although she loves the Asian culture, what she really loves is the Asian American culture, not the old world one. For me, this puts a spotlight on a looming problem, and that is, that while these biracial kids are Americans, they also love Asian American parts of the culture. They do tend to self-segregate and I think most of that comes from the way they are received and perceived by non-Asian Americans. Kind of sad. We’ve taken our kids to Europe and Asia. I believe that helps to be open, and I think they are becoming that, but what’s still lacking is the openness coming from the other side, and that door needs to be pounded upon until it’s open wide. We’ve been trying the prying method for too long.</p>
<p>samuck-
My son, also, appears to be world citizen. Like you, he has been welcomed with open arms most anywhere he has been; Cuba, Indonesia, Hawaii, Mexico, even by Native Americans, because he kind of looks like someone from any number of cultures. I think children who have mixed race/culture definitely get the best of both worlds in experience (and looks), as long as they are secure in their own identity.</p>
<p>My H latched onto American/Western (the Beatles were British) culture while still in India and so never got involved with other Indians even before we met. Anyone who feels half Asians should pay more attention to their Asian culture should be reminded that these kids are first and foremost Americans. I’m a European mongrel and know those of European ancestry do not pay homage to their roots either- someone who is half German and half Italian, or any other combination, is supposed to be paying attention to the old world ways? Immigrants come to live here for a reason- if they wanted to remain immersed in their home country culture many/most would have stayed there. Those who want their children to learn what they did growing up make the effort but often find their kids don’t relate to the culture. Parents are also ignorant of many of the changes that took place in their home country since they left- today’s Indians (in all regions) have vastly different lifestyles than their parents did. Culture shock for my H on his infrequent visits (think decades apart).</p>
<p>Our S also grumbled that despite the wonderful claims that USoCal (& other schools) make about their great diversity and folks they get from all over the world) which they do in fact get, there is a lot of self-segregation. S says he got to know the international students better in the summer he worked (& did some socialization) at a lab with several of them in HI than the 4 years he was in engineering at USC. </p>
<p>When I was in college & law school, I also noticed that many of the folks from HI also self-segregated & mostly hung out with others from HI. I was a maverick & hung out with kids from other places & in other majors. Most of them have since drifted and we have lost touch, unfortunately.</p>
<p>I & S & D understand the reasons for the self-segregation of international students by ethnic groups, but feel it really limits the potential for international friendships and collaborations. I have a friend whose S was better able to bridge some of this the year ahead of S also at USC engineering–maybe there were different dynamics? According to the dad, this young man had friends from Vietnam and Japan and perhaps other places as well, after his freshman year.</p>
<p>Some people start paying homage to their roots when they discover that their ancestors’ country is willing to issue them a passport based on citizenship by descent… this may be more common with EU countries that don’t mind multiple citizenship (unlike many other countries in the world that do not want their citizens to hold other citizenships).</p>
<p>It really depends on where a person grew up (more of an ethnic enclave vs. “white suburbia”) and how often one associated w/ relatives or others who speak the language (btw, many “full” Asians also grow up nothing being able to speak anything but English based on those factors).</p>
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<p>That’s what’s so bogus about the whole college “diversity” thing.</p>
<p>Many of the Asian-Am students who attend the elite universities come from “white suburbia” and basically have the same experiences, interests, etc. as their white counterparts - hence, being commonly referred to as “bananas”, “twinkies”, “whitewashed”, etc.</p>
<p>And these are the Asians who usually are the ones who “integrate” into the (white) social structure at these universities.</p>
<p>The more “ethnic” Asian students tend to be isolated into their own ethnic sub-groups (if there are large enough nos.).</p>
<p>People talk about “diversity”, but really, it’s a one-way street. How many white students actually leave their “comfort zone” and wander into these other social groups (and I’m not talking about attending some cultural show or program).</p>
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<p>The Koreans are known to be brutal to ethnic Koreans who can’t speak the language or can’t speak it properly, no matter what the upbringing the person had (however, any non-Korean who can speak a few words, gets praise).</p>
<p>Actor Daniel Dae Kim got blasted for his “horrible” Korean on the show “Lost.”</p>
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<p>Then there’s the opposite extreme.</p>
<p>Many Asian kids don’t want to associate w/ other Asians at all (usually are too embarrassed or look down upon them).</p>
<p>And actually, every group tends to self-segregate - blacks, non-white hispanics, etc. (aside from the exceptions like Asians who are “twinkies”) - and if they have large enough nos., they self-segregate further into their various ethnicities or other sub-groups.</p>
<p>Whites also “self-segregate” (ever hear of “white-flight”), except they don’t think they are when they accept the “token” black, Asian, etc. who usually pretty much has the same experiences, interests, etc.</p>