<p>Our family (well, with younger s, as older s was already in college so I guess the TV watching he did also didn’t rot his brain too much) watched “House” together. Loved to try to anticipate the diagnosis. DS decided to pursue a biotech career as a result of this show. </p>
<p>Older s used to get up at 6 am when he was a toddler to watch reruns of the original “Mr. Wizard”, and subsequently “Bill Nye the Science Guy”. TV is not all bad.</p>
<p>In college, we gathered 'round the TV to watch “All my Children”. A true ritual. We’d also play bridge in the late afternoon until Star Trek came on, causing us to lose several of our players at the prescribed hour.</p>
<p>The original question carried an implication that location near home might confer happiness, at least the way I read it. </p>
<p>Its an interesting question, and probably not answerable. My guess is that better paying job (I assumed in the same field) is in an area where salaries and cost of living also are higher. It also means that if you make it to retirement, retirement benefits will be higher. There is no doubt that there is a “retirement arbitrage” that allows retirees from higher paying jobs in higher cost areas to move to lower cost areas after retirement and have their money go further. </p>
<p>But part of the “cost” of the extra money will be the distance from your parents and other siblings, friends, etc. There are situations where this could be desirable, but when you have children, it helps mightily if your mother or MIL are around to help out with the kids, or house sitting, or errands…or you name it.</p>
<p>Job security may enter in also, but its tough to discern correctly. One often hears about the risks of switching jobs, but there is also a set of risks that accrues to staying put. All of these decisions are quite situation specific and very tough to sort out from a distance. Heck, they’re hard to sort out for yourself!</p>
<h2>I thought the discussion about voluntary poverty was interesting. It seems to me the really holy do choose poverty but that isn’t realistic for the majority of us. I also think many luxury material goods really are less enticing and “valuable” to those who grew up with them as a given. Back in 1977 my father tried to have a serious discussion with me about how much salary he thought I would need to be “comfortable” and his estimate was $30,000. It’s possible I achieved that salary 10 years later. I felt comfortable enough, though more really became necessary to provide children piano lessons, etc. … more was necessary just because it seemed to me I needed to provide some of the things that were a given in my own childhood. But this is such a middle class attitude that paying for enrichment activities is a necessity!</h2>
<p>ps as a precaution I have now logged off all my porn sites</p>
<p>edit: post 160 - great! I am looking up the Hayes book right now. Thanks.</p>
<p>My oldest recently did a paper comparing House to Sherlock Holmes. Her thesis being that House is the contemporary Sherlock. I think it was an interesting observation. She and her dad are dedictated House watchers. He DVR’s them for when she comes home on breaks.</p>
<p>I find it fascinating to see what threads happen to be running simultaneously. I’ve been reading the thread about the sandwich generation, and find myself thinking about the responsibilites of the adult children of aging parents (I had that for over 7 years) and how difficult it is if there are not financial resources to address these responsibilites. So while I respect those who have elected to get off the rat race treadmill and simplify their lives, I hope they have squirreled away money or set up sufficient insurance policies to take care of their future needs, and not risk being a burden (for lack of a better word) on their children, who may themselves not have the financial resources to handle this responsibility. And it is way more than just saying “oh if there is no $ they will get medicaid”. There are many, many other costs aside from the direct healthcare or nursing home costs. Besides, I loved my parents. I’d never put them in a medicaid facility. Sorry if that offends anyone, but it is a reality. </p>
<p>Oh, and good plan about cleaning your porn sites, alh :)</p>
<p>Ascetics can choose poverty because 1)they don’t have anyone to worry about except themselves–no spouse or kids; and 2) often they are backed by powerful and wealthy institutions. A friend who is a nun has very few possessions but has always lived in reasonable comfort and will never be homeless or starving, despite the fact that she has no assets to her name.</p>
<h1>165^^I am reading but haven’t posted on the sandwich thread but the main difference I see between us and previous generations is that there were lots of women home to share the care giving of both children and the elderly. At least that is how it worked in my family until this generation. No one had sole responsibility and it wasn’t such a big deal. This probably could be a Radical Homemakers idea from a brief look at her blog.</h1>
<p>If any of you are seriously considering voluntary poverty and have not, as yet, decided what to do with that disgusting money that you have on hand, I am happy to supply you with an address to which to mail it. 10% will be donated to charity… oh all right, 20%, but that’s my final offer. You will receive a monthly newsletter detailing how the money is being spent, replete with pictures of travel destinations and a panoply of the latest electronic gadgets.</p>
<p>Not only were there less women in the workforce a generation or more ago, but families tended to live nearer to each other and could manage some of this with less challenge. Now, women are working, had their kids later so are tending to their own immediate family needs, and may live thousands of miles from their aging parents. </p>
<p>I have only sons, and it looks like they will not be living anywhere near us when they settle into their careers. I hope they have understanding, supportive spouses. I also hope my DH outlives me. He can handle grooming issues. That was the hardest thing to deal with when my father was critically ill.</p>
<p>My mom will be moving in with me this winter. She really cannot be by herself any longer. This also involves selling the family farm, something that is necessary but will also break her (our) heart(s).</p>
<p>jym626: no one in my family has ever been put in a “home” but after the experience of watching our generation care for the elderly, even when it has been possible to afford 24 hour home health care, I have told my kids to immediately put me in a nursing home if necessary. I do not want to be cared for by my children-- mainly though, I’m hoping to avoid that situation entirely. I will care for my husband at home if I survive him, and he needs care, and more likely than not I will outlive him.</p>
<p>imho it is a growing problem that the culture seems to expect women to do more than is humanly possible</p>
<p>Having money in retirement so as not to be a burden on our only D is a major goal of ours, even more important than paying for college, frankly. She has no one who can help her out. </p>
<p>But money is not the only thing. I want to make plans for the disposition of my home and affairs while I’m still competent to do so, thus sparing my D the burden of having to argue/force me out of my home when I start to lose it. </p>
<p>People hate to contemplate their own decay, but I am going to do it because it happens to everyone, and I don’t want my D’s life to revolve around taking care of me and H. That is not why we brought her into this world.</p>
<p>Just be sure they pick a home that will treat you with respect and provide quality care, alh. You deserve it. Maybe they’ll leave the porn on your computer for you to watch :)</p>
<p>All kidding aside, we looked at the gamut of good, the bad and the ugly of assisted living to skilled nursing facilities, first when my mother was alive and diagnosed with a deteriorative illness. There were some spectacular places that were totally out of their price range. And there were some h*ll holes that I wouldn’t take my dog to. </p>
<p>We just bought longterm care insurance. My dad misunderstood how it worked and he never accessed the benefits that my mother was entitled to, but we were able to access it for him for the last 2 years of his life. It was a godsend, as he was rapidly outliving his money and had a negative cashflow. We had to refinance his house (another unbelievable nightmare) 2 years ago in order to help him stay in his home. It was his home and his choice. I didnt agree with it but I respected and honored it. So in this case, happiness definitely equated to money.</p>
<p><strong>edit</strong> very good plan, njsue</p>
<p>cartera,
Sorry to hear you have to sell the family farm. If you have any excess of that disgusting money that is coming your way from posters here, put me on your list.</p>
<p>jym: I really don’t plan to end up in a nursing home, or if so, it will be a very short visit. There was another thread recently that got off track on euthanasia :)</p>
<p>NJSue: In my family the elders tend to go ahead and deed the house to the child who is eventually going to inherit it - sometimes retaining a legal life interest if distrustful of child’s spouse My sibs and I each had powers of attorney for our parents that we could implement at any time. I have powers of attorney made out for each of our children in my top desk drawer along with the wills and key to safety deposit box. The kid who agreed he “could pull the plug” is on the medical power of attorney. Just him. I don’t want that to be a group decision that causes delay.</p>
<p>alh-
My DH and I have a pact that if either of us becomes severely infirmed, we are to be encouraged to walk across the nearest highway for a quart of milk. Sorry if that sounds awful, but you know what I mean.</p>
<p>I have a provision in my living will that says that if I am unresponsive to stimuli, that a certain song (a long-standing, very-fast-paced favorite) is to be played, and if I’m still unresponsive, then everyone has my permission to pull the plug. </p>
<p>The thought of being a burden to my kids chills me – life is for the living, and I’d rather they enjoy their lives rather than become full-time caregivers to me.</p>
<p>^ Do you have data to support that theory, annasdad? To the contrary, isn’t it possible that people who grew up “without” may feel that they need to provide for themselves or their family the things they did without growing up, so may thereby skew their values?</p>
<p>To the contrary, isn’t it possible that people who grew up “without” may feel that they need to provide for themselves or their family the things they did without growing up, so may thereby skew their values?</p>
<p>That would be an interesting thread.
For example my mother grew up with two very frugal parents- they had a nice but normal sized house ( which they paid cash for) in one of the swankier Seattle neighborhoods. They always paid cash, didn’t take elaborate vacations & saved as much as they could. I don’t think my mother who was an only child lacked for anything, but when she came into large sums of money, such as when my father died, or when her parents died, she did her best to spend it. ( cars/homes/vacations).
I never thought her need to spend money was related to my grandmothers need to have hefty savings, but perhaps it was.</p>
My sibs and I each had powers of attorney for our parents that we could implement at any time. I have powers of attorney made out for each of our children in my top desk drawer along with the wills and key to safety deposit box. The kid who agreed he “could pull the plug” is on the medical power of attorney. Just him. I don’t want that to be a group decision that causes delay.</p>