Harvard students are invited to sign a kindness pledge

Parents Forum
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<p>I find it stunning and more than a bit depressing that people on this thread assume that ‘high achievers’ or those who have the assets to get into Harvard must already possess, or even appreciate or understand good character traits. There is no reason to assume these are positively related. </p>

<p>And the reality is, too few adults value kindness anymore. It’s apparent they can’t even weigh it as a consideration in balance with other goals such as personal self gain, defending ones interests, or intellectual debate. Interestingly, the same older adults who can’t sort out what it means to be kind also argue it should be just obvious to these 18 year olds.</p>

<p>I see nothing wrong with any school seeking to highlight or bolster a feature of their culture that they value. Ideally colleges would select on character as much as SAT scores to create such a culture but it’s near impossible.</p>

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<p>To me, it’s not so much that people who are high achievers or have the assets to get into Harvard should have / appreciate good character, but anyone who is old enough to be contemplating a 4-year university should already know this stuff. If they don’t, it’s probably because they consciously choose to be self-absorbed and cruel, and if someone is like that at age 18 they’re probably not going to change because they were coaxed or pressured into signing a pledge.</p>

<p>I value niceness, but I think it’s something that you have to work on. It’s not a matter of signing a contract and it’s not something that can be formally ‘taught’ like calculus or law. If someone seriously doesn’t value compassion, human decency, etc. they probably have more issues than any pledge can still.</p>

<p>It’s kind of like an academic integrity pledge – all it can do is describe the desired values but anyone who was going to plagiarize or perjure themselves is going to do it even if someone politely asked them not to beforehand.</p>

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<p>But where does it end? Does this pledge only apply to residential college life? Will it one day spill out into campus activity, such as political and social activism, classroom debate? Then will it be unkind to openly and publicly disagree with the actions and opinions of fellow students? Will it be unkind to editorialize against them in the student newspaper? Doing so would hurt their feelings, after all. Will professors and coaches have to take a similar pledge to always be kind to the students? Will they find it smacks of unkindness to fail a student who’s trying really hard, or to tell a hard-working athlete his skills are not up to par?</p>

<p>I don’t believe I have a misconception of kindness. Rather I strongly believe that an accusation of unkindness can easily become a weapon for the protection of incompetence and mediocrity, a weapon to stifle dissent of all types, and a tool to force the nice, easily guilt-tripped people into continuing to put up with inconsiderate behavior on the part of unkind other students because it’s the good and understanding thing to do. If you’re going to have a pledge that means anything, then one would assume students will be held to their word and unofficially, at least, called on the carpet by RA’s and other students for not keeping the pledge. And therein lies the danger.</p>

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<p>WandMParent, I pretty much agree with you, but what CAN be taught - and what I have seen work amazingly well in real life - are tools such as “active listening.” </p>

<p>Also, many people are paranoid about “PC police,” but I do think it is helpful and fair to hear the perspectives of people who are often marginalized, e.g., disabled people - there is nothing wrong with increasing our awareness of others’ experiences.</p>

<p>I suppose it is all in what the administration makes of it. Perhaps it was a mistake to label this a “kindness pledge” - that sort of makes it more about them and their stance than actual kindness…they could simply incorporate some of these tools/lessons into orientation or curriculum.</p>

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<p>I’m wondering what kind of complaints/concerns/observations have been occurring that has spurred this on? Too many unkind students? What?</p>

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<p>What’s sad is that I’ve witnessed and experienced the use of concepts such as kindness to stifle disagreement and criticism of students making poorly thought out or even flat out wrong arguments/statements. </p>

<p>One classmate was docked participation points by a prof for merely questioning the relevance of another classmate’s stock answer to any literature question: “Water, a symbol of life!” Something which I found bewildering considering the poem in question never mentioned water or made any references to it. </p>

<p>I personally was criticized once for being “mean” and “unkind” for criticizing a few Marxist-oriented classmates in and out of class for outright denying atrocities committed by some communist regimes. The more I made references to historical sources, literary references, and survivor accounts from childhood neighbors and relatives…the more I was considered “mean” and “unkind” to those classmates. Fortunately, I didn’t have an agreement that was vaguely worded and open to so much subjective interpretation they could have used against me when I forthrightly questioned their intellectual honesty and scholarly integrity.</p>

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<p>Can it be that the Harvard Administration is just being cognizant of the fact that a large part of its student body has a tendency to be self-absorbed sociopaths? </p>

<p>And the obvious conundrum being: That is what they fish for.</p>

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<p>Well of course not. I don’t believe for a minute they think this somehow converts students to being decent human beings. I also don’t believe that people are either ‘kind’ or sociopathic. </p>

<p>As you point out, it takes work. Most of us fall on the side of wanting to be the values we espouse, but often falling short when they conflict with other immediate demands (be it efficiency, fear, self-interest, anger, passion). But like any sort of cultural value, there are many ways to build, foster, encourage, remind, highlight and reinforce the positive value to shine out over the negative demands. This pledge is just one such way. </p>

<p>Look for example at the dialogue generated on this thread alone which was created because of this pledge. Imagine now a similar dialogue or debate on campus…but it brings forth the question of what does it mean to be kind, are we all kind, should we be, and why are we not and how in the heck can something like a pledge matter? </p>

<p>This, and many other things get people thinking, and maybe rethinking, and maybe over four years, students come to think twice in the moment or when faced with choices and competing needs: about whether they should choose route A to make their point or route B, or whether they decide to engage in behavior X instead of behavior Y.</p>

<p>As for all the fear-mongering about Big Brother, stifling free speech or whatever…it’s a private university. No one has to go there. If someone is uncomfortable with (gasp!) having pressure put upon them to be kind, well maybe they won’t fit there. </p>

<p>Gosh so much hoopla over ‘pressure to be kind’ yet who balks at the pressure Harvard - by way of their selection process- puts on students to be high achieving, hard working, smart, or perfectionistic (fill in the blank). Some values are okay to reinforce…others, not so much.</p>

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<p>Just take this discussion for example. Simply by disagreeing with the Kindness Pledge, I daresay the few dissenters would probably be attacked for unkindness. Then, if we persisted, we would be outlaws, ostracized from normal university life. Eventually a caste system may develop encouraging the bullying of unkind people. The irony, oh the irony!!!</p>

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<h1>47 --Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!</h1>

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<p>I certainly don’t believe there is absolutely any correlation between academic achievement and kindness, but Harvard’s selection process, in addition to the values you mention, attempts to reward things like kindness and respect for others, as discerned from essays and, especially, letters of recommendation. So while I’m sure the school has its fair share of selfish jerks, I think it is well understood by most there that those are not characteristics Harvard condones.</p>

<p>I also believe there are many ways to stress those good values in any organization, both verbally and through actions, but it seems to me asking people to sign a pledge is inappropriate. I would feel the same way about encouraging employees to sign this in a place of business. It is patronizing and useless.</p>

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<p>I think the pledge is silly. As toblin suggests, if Harvard wants to enroll kinder students, it can adjust its admissions criteria to look for more students who are likely to be kind.</p>

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<p>I heard back from the freshman at Harvard I know. He thought it benign; wasn’t offended, wasn’t compelled. Said the kids he knew rolled their eyes but didn’t dwell on it either. That it seemed to be more a matter of debate with the faculty and administration and onlookers than the students. </p>

<p>I wonder if by onlookers he meant parents? ;-0</p>

<p>So that’s just one students reaction, for what its worth.</p>

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<p>The irony is that the people who are actually unkind will all sign it with no qualms.</p>

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<p>Technically, Harvard or any other private university has a “right” to force others to subscribe to values pledges of their design, however ill-conceived. Bob Jones is one examples of such. Then again, most wouldn’t consider schools like Bob Jones to be institutions fulfilling the core mission of providing an intellectually rigorous education precisely for that reason. </p>

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<p>Having students be “high achieving, hard working, smart, or perfectionistic” is consistent and critical for a university/college to fulfill its core mission of providing an intellectually rigorous education to students. </p>

<p>My issue with kindness pledges is related to the law of unintended consequences potential created by the vagueness of that document and the high degree of subjectivity of the word “kindness”. I’ve witnessed/experienced some of those unintended consequences even in the absence of such a pledge and let me tell you…it does have a chilling effect on students who are inclined to challenge conventional wisdom of the majority of their classmates/Profs in and out of class. Ironic considering it is precisely these students who best facilitate the provision of an intellectually rigorous education that IMHO is the core mission of colleges/universities. In that context, having a kindness pledge may actually detract from that very core mission. </p>

<p>Moreover, “kindness” is and IMHO should be the responsibility of the ostensibly young adult students themselves or if minors, their parents. Not the universities/colleges. One reason other than societal neglect why US K-12 has had so many problems is the disturbing trend of US society, especially the parents in trying to effectively dump all their responsibilities onto schools and schoolteachers.</p>

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<p>And will promising to be kind entail any obligation to participate in charitable activities planned by the residence hall? On the surface, it would seem very nice if all the students in a dorm were to participate. Surely students at elite colleges have a lot to offer, and to whom much is given, much is required. But let’s remember that these kids are among the brightest and most accomplished people in the country. Should anyone pressure the genius in X to take time away from researching X to serve lunch at a soup kitchen? The responsibility for that decision belongs to the student and no one else. At my D’s school, there was a freshman in her dorm who serves as an advisor to Congress. Should he be urged to take time away from his studies and congressional duties to tutor a student in the local high school? Maybe, but maybe not. </p>

<p>I agree with cobrat that these sorts of things can get complicated and will have unintended consquences.</p>

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<p>“I value niceness, but I think it’s something that you have to work on.”</p>

<p>Exactly. I don’t know about you, but sometimes I could use a reminder that I should be working on it. That’s all I think this is intended to be.</p>

<p>'I’ve witnessed/experienced some of those unintended consequences even in the absence of such a pledge and let me tell you…it does have a chilling effect on students who are inclined to challenge conventional wisdom of the majority of their classmates/Profs in and out of class."</p>

<p>I don’t question your observation in another context. It’s just going to be a boiling hot January day in Cambridge when Harvard students don’t challenge one another over academic/political issues. That’s what they came there for. Anyone who tries to shut down civil criticism of a weak argument with an accusation of unkindness is going to be viewed as a fool. It won’t work.</p>

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<p>I’m not so sure about that. Many high school classmates who attended Harvard witnessed/experienced a toned down version of what I witnessed/experienced because Harvard is far less PC than my LAC in the mid-late '90s. Like myself, they not only shrugged off such accusations, but made many spirited rebuttals against those who tried using “kindness” as a way to stifle disagreement/questioning. Was easier for them not only because of the lesser PC environment, but their greater sense of confidence in themselves and perceiving those who made such arguments as naive intellectual mediocrities in denial. </p>

<p>More importantly, while accusations of “unkindness” may not work on personalities such as my Harvard friends’ “suffer no fools” mentality or my relishing the role of the classroom/campus gadfly/“meanie” at my LAC, there are many other otherwise intelligent students on whom it would work. </p>

<p>This is especially the case with students who were heavily socialized from childhood to believe it is “unkind”/“impolite” to argue, disagree, or even merely question others…even in a classroom setting. Thank goodness I wasn’t one of them…despite the best efforts of mother and some older aunts. :D</p>

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<p>There was intense pressure put on that Dartmouth student who was the only one in her class to not contribute $5 to the endowment fund, thereby preventing them from obtaining an offer of matching funds for 100% class participation. She had definite reasons for not wanting to contribute, yet she was accused of all manner of meanness. And she didn’t even sign a kindness pledge! </p>

<p>A university community has no business prescribing any behavior that doesn’t directly relate to its academic mission. If Harvard and other elites want conformity of personality traits, then why all the emphasis on diversity? Some foreign countries, from which students hail, lack an appreciation for volunteerism, or a belief in the equality of all people regardless of gender/race/ethnicity/social class, or in other democratic social ideals–all of which we consider part of kindness here. And, as pointed out by another poster, Harvard definitely selects for the alpha dog traits which lead to success in business and politics, but which aren’t always nice.</p>

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<p>That was Laura DiLorenzo ('10), and in true Ivy League fashion she stuck to her protest guns and refused to buckle under the pressure and donate. It did not prevent the school from obtaining the matching funds though. The donating class (the Class of 1960) declared “close enough” and agreed to give the money anyway. So all ended well. She made her point, and the school got the money.</p>