Have you ever been depressed after going on CC?

Parent Cafe
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<p>At first I was a little surprised, and then a little distressed, by the number and kinds of ECs that a lot of students have. I was sure my daughter would not be competitive at the more elite schools. But I quickly realized that if she had gotten involved in 4 more things, and become obsessed with that sort of stuff, she would not be the young woman that I love so dearly. (And it turned out not to matter anyway, as you might guess from my avatar.)</p>

<p>What does depress me a little is the number of threads that generate so many ignorant and abusive comments, from parents even more than from students. I had originally assumed that a site devoted to higher education would rise above that. Sometimes it does, but more often I feel like I’m reading the kind of comments I see at Yahoo! News. The small but determined coterie of racists is especially disheartening.</p>

<p>I am certainly not innocent in this regard, but I find myself posting less and less on the more controversial threads. (I can’t stop reading them, though, anymore than I can turn away from an accident on the highway.)</p>

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<p>No, but it’s been a serious reality check. I had no idea of the cost of college or how hard it would be to get merit aid. I’m just glad I didn’t know about this 13 years ago or we might not have had our third child :wink: </p>

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<p>It depresses me to see how many parents can afford to pay most or all of their child’s education without any debt whatsoever. My kids have/will have debt - manageable debt because they kept their expectations realistic, but debt just the same. </p>

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<p>@intparent‌ Please explain. The odds a child gets into IB are about as narrow as the millions of naive 17 y.o. who claim they want to attend medical school. Both the wanna-be banker and physician are far more likely to end up as a “consultant” of some sort.</p>

<p>“Or that they want to go into investment banking. On principal I don’t give advice to those students, have no interest in helping them further their aims.”</p>

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<p>The HYPS contempt I read here is interesting to me because I use to be the same way. But then I witnessed parents cultivating HYPS bound students and saw that it was not luck, it was a very deliberate effort. It’s certainly a lot of work, but I feel like people misunderstand what goes into it and try to discredit the achievement with “luck”. Many HYPS kids are well adjusted and just had parents who knew the process and kids that bought in. I know a few who were really savvy and didn’t turn on the HYPS jets until junior year of high school.</p>

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<p>It is an entertainment site. If “certain posters just raise your blood pressure”, then add them to “ignore” list. Maybe you already done it, then you have eliminated the reason. But I would not call this depression, it is a bit more attention than you would want to spend on anything. Actually, the other means of entertainment are getting more and more boring. Try to find a movie to watch, impossible, the only good thing happen - they work like sleeping pills without side effects. So, if somebody is getting adrenaline going from being on CC, isn’t it a good thing? Then you do not need to spend time searching for a movie, and this is getting really annoying. </p>

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<p>I have never been made depressed with what is on here, either in the general boards or over on the music boards. I have gotten angry at times, at some posters who were basically spreading BS as gospel, or have at times gotten a bit sad at what an obsession getting into an HYP school is with many people, as if that is the only road to success and if you don’t do that, you are doomed. Getting into an HYP school does depend on serendipity, in some ways it is like music school admissions in that sense. Even parents who are savvy, who know all the great EC’s to have, who spend a lot on kids with SAT prep, who make sure they load up on AP’s, all the things now “required”, see their kids not get in, despite the 2400 SAT, the 8 AP’s, 4.0 GPA, because there are a ton of kids applying who basically do exactly the same thing. It is like that with high level music school auditions, you might have 20 really talented flutists (or is it flautists? I prefer flutists, sounds less rude! <em>lol</em>), auditioning for 1 slot between UG and Grad school, or 300 kids applying for 15 slots on violin, and almost all the kids applying are playing at an incredible level, so it simply comes down to how the panel views them. With HYP schools, if you are an Asian kid applying from a certain area of Southern California, you might not get in because of the area you are from and your background, if you are a white prep school kid coming from one of the northeast schools, that could work against you. One kid could have a 2400 SAT and so forth, and not get in, another kid, who has ‘slightly’ less significant stats (like <em>omg</em> a 2200 SAT) might get in because he/she is a talented musician. Could be one year they don’t have enough kids from the midwest, so a kid who has done merely great might get in, and the kid bred to get into an HYP by his family doesn’t… Perspective is needed, there is an old joke that rings true, that the kid who goes to the HYP school often ends up working for the guy who was an ordinary student at a state school but ended up achieving, the guy who founded my company, that is now a major force in our sector of the economy, didn’t go to an Ivy, was an average student, got their master’s from a cal state school…happens all the time (on top of everything else, some kids coming out from HYP schools have a major attitude problem, expecting that degree alone to pave their way…)</p>

<p>The biggest piece of advice I always give is take anything anyone says on here with a pound of salt, the person bragging their kid got full ride scholarships to X schools because he is just so brilliant, the kid auditioning on violin who supposedly was told he was the next heifetz, I would be kind of like “uh huh”, especially if it goes against what you have been hearing from others. A lot of this is bragging, and you kind of have to sift the facts from the fancy, as George Bernard Shaw said about Winston Churchill’s accounts of being captured during the Boer war “Yes, Winston was there, and yes, he was captured; after that, we only have Winston”</p>

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<p>I only follow a few of these forums at CC, so I haven’t witnessed much of that contempt. However, I have often found “HYPS contempt” attributed to posts which are nothing of the kind. My position on HYPS is that they are amazing schools and the kids who are admitted are amazing, accomplished young people who have every right to be thrilled with admittance. If my kids had wanted to apply to an Ivy, I would have been happy to allow it, and if they were admitted, it would be my pleasure to fund it. However, I believe firmly that admission to one of those schools is absolutely, positively not a requirement for success; rejection from those schools is in no way any kind of roadblock to life success. That position has occasionally been labeled as “anti-Ivy” when it is nothing of the sort.</p>

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<p>It should be noted that the opposite of “worship” is not “contempt.” IRL, I’ve met a lot of Ivy-worshipers who are over-impressed with “prestigiousity” and poorly-informed about anything beyond a few big name schools. I think most posters take a realistic perspective on HYPMS—fantastic schools, but not necessarily the “best schools” for all students. And, contrary to some commonly-held opinions, those most prestigious universities may not even be the best schools for every student who could conceivably have a shot at attending them. That’s something that I’ve learned to appreciate on CC, and it’s shaped my own thoughts on D’s college search. </p>

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<p>Well over ten years ago, D1 went to her financial safety and she was not happy about it, I felt especially sad about ti all when reading all the fantastic, amazing, incredible experiences being had by other first term freshman whose parents were posting on CC. Back then you rarely saw anything negative. Along came Curmudgeon’s big thread about choosing small private vs. famous Ivy based on cash and a certain poster whose son gave her fits and she posted so many gory details it inspired others to admit that life was not perfect in all cases.</p>

<p>I also came to realize that even if you could write a “Christmas Letter” perfect story about your kid it does not mean they are happy. Also, being happy is not necessarily critical at all times. I have a kid who settled for a safety and did not really enjoy it, I also have a kid who went to a dream school and just did not enjoy it all that much, it was fine and it was better than the other kid, but it was not an amazing dream experience. Reality can bite.</p>

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<p>I would say, yes. But that type of feeling isn’t new. My kid’s disabilities showed up at a young age, so I’ve had years of experience of parenting a kid in an “off the grid” kind of way. The different drummer can feel like a forced march some day. It’s all good, though. </p>

<p>Oh, also momentarily depressed that I didn’t know I needed to save the EFC. No one, even our financial planner, strongly advised us to do so. I bought the “save for your retirement, not your kid’s education” line. This reality, which I’m glad to be facing clear-eyed now rather than later, has dramatically changed our kid’s option to attend as a residential student. Oh, well. </p>

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<p>Never met a kid out here yet who wanted anything from IB but to get rich.</p>

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<p>Is there something wrong with that? I have to note that more than a few kids I’ve run into who’ve aged into their 30s have modified their values a bit.</p>

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<p>@intparent‌ - that’s a broad stroke. No one in our family has ever thought about IB and our S just started his summer internship at an IB. He’s worked very hard and loves the challenge and the work. He plans on banking most of his earnings (for grad school) and fully appreciates the opportunity. Being compensated well is certainly a factor but having a variety options in his late twenties is the real draw. </p>

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<p>@intparent, I can see it’s a 4-letter word, but I don’t see anything wrong with wanting to get rich. </p>

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This describes the situation the top students are facing very well. I always thought that, the top 20% of the students at, say, top 30 colleges are just as qualified as those students at HYPS in both their academic capabilities and the caliber of their ECs.
Re: “number of threads that generate so many ignorant and abusive comments, from parents even more than from students.”
DS actually received quite a few abusive comments from his peers also. When he applied to college, he met an old “friend” by a chance encounter. He was asked which college he was planning to apply to, one school he mentioned was Rice. His friend immediately made a comment like this: The students there are very pretentious. He had not even got in yet!</p>

<p>Another incident was that when he was in grad school, a friend of my wife had a son who was going to apply to college (not grad school) and would like to have our S to give him some “advices”. In the coffee shop where they met, without any provocation, the S of her friend made a comment that is totally inappropriate for his age: Do you know that, the major your are in now at your college is not necessarily the best in US?</p>

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<p>Been reading CC forever. Depressed? Occasionally - also angry, frustrated, annoyed, flabbergasted. But more often moved, entertained, enlightened, and educated. The kids with higher stats and brilliant ECs did not depress me. As other have said, that was a wake-up call, perhaps the single most helpful element in identifying safety/ballpark/reach schools when my kids were applying.</p>

<p>I have been depressed when I see all the petty meanness, the vendettas, the enthusiasm for interpreting others in the worst possible light. As internet groups go, CC is far better than most. It’s scary, when I read the “Comments” sections of most sites, to realize that some folks are out there making decisions every day. I rarely feel scared about our future here on CC.</p>

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<p>Sorry for the delayed response but here is how I feel: sometimes I feel depressed seeing how intense the competition is for “reach-for-anyone” schools. There are times when I do my best not to unduly depress a chancee, with mixed results. But it has been a wake-up call to some.</p>

<p>I am willing to chance for most schools that are not selective enough to qualify for “reach-for-anyone” status, with varying results. Because so many want to be chanced for “reach-for-anyone” schools, I try to chance for them either if no one else did it first or if these schools are packaged with some less selective institutions.</p>

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I’m saddened by the strong obsession for HYP. It’s come to the point that some users believe it’s HYP or community college. This mindset does a great disservice to the multitude of other great colleges that CCers often ignore. Beyond that, there’s also the snarky comments that happen. “Because I didn’t get in, you have no chance” It bothers me when competitive applicants are discouraged to apply by other student applicants.

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What really depresses me is that there are people (both here and IRL) who think the humanities are dead, and that college should be just a white collar trade school for STEM people, where “value” is everything.