I recognized about a dozen years ago that neither kid would return to hometown, so began mentally preparing to move to Nashville, which is where D’s family lives(she is the one who will push my wheelchair - ha!). With a higher cost of living, I didn’t imagine I would be able to buy in this market, but I was able to buy a condo in a great location by rethinking the idea of using excellent sale proceeds from hometown house and taking on a mortgage. My mentality had to evaluate rent the space v. rent the money and evaluating with 2 financial advisors & my brother, a banker, I realized having the home I wanted was possible if I recognized it was okay to have a mortgage and rent the money.
I had planned to teach online as an adjunct for a few years after full-time retirement and have done that. Planning to give that up in 2025. D tipped me off about a part-time, remote job that I have been doing the last 18 months and love. I will continue it for a few more years. It has occasional on-site training and events and it has helped me meet new people, a big plus. I love being near D’s family and being able to fly to visit S’s family without having a 2+ hour drive from hometown to Nashville airport.
All in all, I seem to have it made. Hardest thing is missing friends and making new friends. I have acquired a few good friends since moving, but the make new friends song is true - one is silver and the other’s gold. Fortunately, just two hours from hometown, so travel “home” is practical.
It’s amazing what takes up all my time. It’s just … poof! Let’s see, this morning, dh made almond blueberry pancakes for breakfast. After finishing that, we watched the end of the morning news shows, then we squeezed in an episode of Only Murders in the Building now that we’ve gotten DIL’s password. We could only watch one episode because it was time for my online workout class. While I did that, dh worked in the yard. That took me until noonish. After I was done, I started sorting clothes and have a load in the wash and another prepped and ready to go. Now, I’m doing some financial stuff and scrolling, but in less than an hour we will start prepping for our cookout with neighbors. I’ll also need to pack, because tomorrow early we are driving 3+ hours to care for my 91yo mom with dementia for the week. The time I am there each month, NOTHING gets done. She’s a full-time job. This evening I’ll need to decide whether I would rather watch the Oscars (I like to stay current) or finish season three of OMITB.
Not happening today, but I also volunteer and watch a LOT of sports as well as occasionally attend games. I eat out with a friend/friends at least once a week. LONG, chatty lunches. I exercise every day and listen to podcasts while doing that so I get more from that exercise time.
You know what’s been great? Not having to do anything I don’t want to do. I think until you’ve retired, you don’t realize how stressed/stretched you were before. It’s like someone getting glasses for the first time – you didn’t know that you weren’t seeing clearly.
And that’s why you are not a good candidate for retirement–nothing you can think of would give you as much satisfaction as what you are currently doing. So keep going. What any retiree does to “fill their time” is irrelevant to you, and that’s great. You already have what fulfills you.
On another thread, I replied to the “What do you do to fill your time?” by saying that the first thing I did was SLEEP. I think I slept most of the first three months. Just turning off the alarm (and never turning it on again) was liberating. I vowed to do absolutely nothing for the first six months, just luxuriate in the absence of a schedule. It delighted me to get up when I wanted, shower when I wanted (or not), shop in the middle of the day, stay up late with no concern for the morrow, read to my heart’s content, take naps, lunch with my mom/friends whenever I felt like it and, best, lose the sense of days (every day is Friday). I was giddy with freedom.
Seven years later and my life is exactly what I was longing for in my twenties – permanently unscheduled time to do whatever I please, and whatever I please happily fills my days.
On yet another related thread, we talked about concerns for establishing routines and feeling productive in retirement. I think “productive” and “routine” are work/job words. I left those behind, too. For me, retirement was not about replacing one routine with another or feeling any pressure to be “productive,” whatever that means. I think these concepts put unnecessary stress on what should be your glorious freedom. And that means freedom to do whatever you want whenever you want, even if that is absolutely nothing–or what looks like nothing to someone else. I think retirement is a time to ask yourself that classic question: What would you do if you knew you could not fail? Rephrased: What would you do if a paycheck no longer mattered? The people I know who are truly embracing retirement for all its worth can’t tell you what they do with their days but are astonished by how time flies. They joke, “I’m not sure how I ever found time for my job.” They are fully engaged with family, friends, and community, and they do some wonderful things, but retirement looks very different for each of them. There is no “right” way to enjoy this phase of life, so don’t burden yourself trying to justify what you do with your time. It’s yours at last. In the early months especially, I would advise that you simply enjoy that extra sleep, linger over those cups of coffee, turn off the clocks, reconnect with old friends, pick up a book…feel that freedom. And don’t worry, retired life has a gentle way of drawing you toward where you need to be and what you should be doing, but you have to slow down and let it.
Your post is beautiful and I’m thrilled that you’ve reached this phase of your life and it’s everything you dreamed of.
But this is not the reality for many retired people… and all the happy talk doesn’t change the facts on the ground. There are statistics around depression and self-medicating and a bunch of unhealthy lifestyle issues which are triggered by (or exacerbated by) no longer having a routine, “meaning” however someone defines that, a built in social network of colleagues or clients or patients or customers, etc.
It is not a trivial concern for the “still working” to wonder how they will fill their days. You’ve made it work which is terrific-- but not everyone does. And assuming that the unscheduled time will just “happen” doesn’t work for a lot of people.
Having money? Helps. More money even better. Having a spouse you still love/enjoy/respect? Helps. But someone who was trapped in a bad or unsatisfying or abusive relationship doesn’t get to enjoy that. Divorce? Rising in the over-60 population. Usually works out ok for men, often works out terribly for women. Good health? Fantastic. Not so good health? Yikes.
You are very lucky and I’m delighted that this has all come to you at the right time in your life… but I don’t think you are the norm.
Totally agree, @blossom, which is why thinking about what you want your retirement to look like is a critical part of pre-retirement planning. As I posted above about detaching your identity from your job well before stepping off, it’s not just about financials. There is a significant emotional and psychological component that needs to be addressed as well, but sometimes retirement is forced rather than optional so some don’t get the opportunity to adequately do all of the pre-work. I don’t recommend that anyone leave their job with unanswered questions “hoping” it will work out. That’s just magical thinking which I don’t think anyone here is doing. I didn’t step off blindly hoping to be happy. I started planning for retirement financially and emotionally from the first day of my first job out of college; I never wanted to work. I’m definitely not the norm.
I don’t see those as the same question. I think a motivation to retire would be if I felt I was failing to be the best at what I do (eg losing my memory or not understanding the “youngsters” or the new technology). Many people tell me I’m the most competitive person they know, and the things I like doing outside work are definitely things I could “fail” at (eg if I had 6 months off I’d probably go and try to walk the Pacific Crest Trail or something equally ambitious, I’m still annoyed I haven’t yet visited all the national parks and climbed all ~300 of the highest mountains in Scotland).
But if you told me tomorrow that I had enough money that I didn’t need a paycheck, then I don’t think I’d change anything. I guess I’m one of those people who would carry on doing their job even if they won the lottery.
I’m fortunate to know mostly folks who could afford to retire without major financial pain… now enjoying their freedom and filling their time with productive activities (or no worse lifestyle than the desk job). To be honest, their major challenges as they age are health problems that they would have had with or without a job. And family burdens, usually responsibilities for aging parents that would have been oh so tough when working.
My brother is a year younger than I, and he has to continue working for as long as he can. Fortunately, he’s okay with that. He has a business with our other brother & a nephew, so he is able to get time away to do the things he enjoys (he’s an avid birder who will drop everything & drive or fly for a rare bird sighting). He lives simply, has a paid-off house in a LCOL area, and while he is an introvert (runs in my family!), he is intentional about being around people and talking with them in situations that are comfortable for him. My extended family actually has a bumper crop of guys like him (there are very few females among my cousins and aunts/uncles). They work as hard as they need to, for as long as they need to, and they find happiness in the lives they have.
My wife and I have moved the needle on “making it”. We’ll be empty nesters in September and we joked that we should hire a personal assistant to come in, feed the cat, and walk the dog…so we can sleep in…
Have to talk to the financial planner and add that to the budget.
Yes, we have made it probably since 2018.
Strangely our dog has adapted to seeing us sleep in and waits for us to get out of bed to start bugging us to go out. Our cat got fed on a timer feed and complained to that.
Me too. My work as a psychotherapist/social worker was extremely satisfying. Due to post-Covid health issues, I had to stop for now, but I hope to work again soon.
I do not often post in the more personal threads, but this one feels different.
Grew up in a low-income city, but we were considered rich since I had food and 2 parents who spoiled me. Father died early, so I starting helping financially with my mother and a younger sibling in my 20’s. Founded my first company around then… a college-oriented business - imagine? Since that time I have started and sold others and they have all gone well. When you do what I do, you never feel like you made it though. You go from being a struggler to a success and the success part does not last long enough for you to feel “made” because money does not offer me that feeling for some reason. Sure, I could retire, but I am still playing for my mother and brother who I support and my family with 2 almost grown children. I do not worry about my own retirement as much as I worry about being able to give everyone else enough.
