Here is the situation, which others have already addressed: the two schools involved here do not guarantee to meet full need. Even schools that do so do not meet full need as defined by FAFSA EFC, and its always a throw of the dice when it comes to professional judgement due to a job loss. Though you may not think it the case, most folks in this country would think the $90k you lived on after job loss as a mighty rich salary. In financial aid offices, there would be many professional judgement appeals where job loss and other financial hits truly brought catastrophic financial results.
The fact of the matter is that you somehow CAN afford to pay the $50k+ bill for these schools this upcoming year. So these schools are not off in their reckoning. There is also a decent chance you’ll cough up the difference each subsequent year somehow if DD is happy and doing well. This is an old story and the colleges know it well.
It’s up to you to decide whether you are going to make that leap into paying those amounts that are going to involve loans and other stretches, or go with what’s more affordable. You are lucky to be living in a state where most of the tuition is waived in state schools under your circumstances. You want to go the private route, you pay.