<p>Everything was going so well, I thought. She seemed so happy and has been having a lot of fun. Maybe too much - I think she’s exhausted. Today she called and cried. She’s homesick and lonely. She feels like she’s at a party and can’t go home. She’s always had so much fun and has always been taken care of, both by her family and boyfriend. She just feels alone, even though she’s meeting lots of people. She says she has fun when she’s with people, but during this long week of orientation there are several long gaps. She has a single which will be great later on (I hope), but it can certainly create isolation right now. Her RA had two floor meetings and that’s it. Her floor bonding is over. She has met girls that are too wild and girls that are not outgoing enough. This was my nightmare. It was hard enough leaving her, but now hearing her unhappy has broken my heart. I could hardly focus on getting my other kids ready for school on Wednesday. I know it will get better - I remember from my college experience. It takes about three weeks I think? She’s in a really academic environment and is finding it hard to connect. She’s used to being the academic one in a group of friends who liked to have fun. This is so hard. I’m sending a care package tomorrow, but that’s all I know to do. I guess she is lucky to have had so much love in her past, and I think it’s just hard to be alone.</p>
<p>She will find friends soon, going to class will help. Hang in there and just encourage her that it will get better. We are soo connected with our kids that I know how hard it is when they are struggling. Before you know it she will be busy, in study groups, meeting friends in the caf and will give you the quick, “I’m fine” phone calls.
Remind her there is a dorm full of kids feling like her, they will connect eventually!
Keep touching bases with her, sharing your daily life and getting updates on hers. Focus on the positives!</p>
<p>I’ve been reading this thread for the past week and have been dreading the day when we had to send off our D1. Well the day came yesterday and it was every bit as horrible as I thought it would be. I held it together until she got on the plane and then I let it all out. The physical pain of separation was, and is still awful. 24 hours later and after hearing her voice three time zones away, I am doing a little better. D1 connects with me on a different level than my sophomore daughter. We “get” each other without having to explain ourselves. I do think I can find joy eventually but I don’t think I will ever be fully healed. She leaves on a pre-orientation backpacking trip tomorrow and I will have no contact with her until we see her on move-in day (Friday). I’m hoping her excitement and happiness will ease the pain. BusyMomof4, that would be my worst nightmare too. When your baby is far away, the least you can hope for is her happiness. Goodluck and I’m going to pack the stuffed animals that D1 insisted she didn’t need. She’s had it since she was 2 and I’m sure there will be nights when she will be thankful she has it.</p>
<p>Hang on busymom. It will get better. You, being the mom, get to hear the worst of it. My daughter told me everybody cries in the shower the first few weeks. You’re right about the single, it’s good for later, but not so good right now. It’s a hard adjustment, at some point this first semester, for most freshmen. Maybe not right away, but eventually. Some kids over do the “I’m finally free and can do what I want”, some kids shy away from the parties. But most of them settle somewhere in between. She just needs one person she feels she can connect with, and she’ll be ok. I think three weeks is about right, although it was a roller coaster that first semester for us. But they’ll be ok. It’s harder for us, because we have to go from phone call to phone call. Keep busy, send the care package with extra love (I’m baking banana bread this morning to send with my first package of things she forgot). Good luck to you and your daughter, and every one on this thread. Can’t wait til all the happy stories start!</p>
<p><em>sigh</em> Just wanted y’all to know I appreciate the post-dropoff stories. My oldest leaves tomorrow but I can’t go along. The tears have come at such odd times, like this morning when I took a sweatshirt out of the dryer that he’s leaving behind for one of his brothers. I’d like to continue to hear how kids and parents are doing in the first few days/weeks of separation.</p>
<p>Also, remember that in most cases (especially with daughters, I think) no news is good news. If your D calls you sniffling with sadness one day, then you don’t hear for 2 or 3 days, odds are things got better and she doesn’t need that shoulder to cry on any more. </p>
<p>It’s a standard gone-to-college tale: kid calls mom in a panic or upset over something. Mom stays up all night and worries about it all the next day. When mom finally hears from kid again, they barely remember the call - the issue got resolved and they have moved on.</p>
<p>We left S at college for soph year on Saturday. He was thrilled to be back on campus, which made leaving easier. I do miss him, but it’s not as bad as last year. I went grocery shopping yesterday and was able to skip the cereal aisle (S is the big cereal eater in our house) without tearing up, which means I’m doing better than last year.</p>
<p>BusyMom, does your daughter have interests/hobbies that she can pursue through school clubs? This may help her meet friends of “like minds”. Also, I wonder if she should hang out in the dorm lounge or in other public parts of the dorm so she can meet more people. I’m betting she’ll be much happier after classes start. So painful for us parents… Hang in there.</p>
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<p>I flew home on Wednesday and this morning (Friday) I started crying while I was packing a box with a few things my daughter forgot or decided she needed and a few little treats. She is doing great. She’s brave and bold and adventurous. She’s friendly. She’s smart and a hard worker. She’ll be fine!</p>
<p>I am the melancholy one here. I miss her! She’s so far away. I’ll be fine… eventually… </p>
<p>Maybe when she is home for Christmas? 
</p>
<p>Her school has no fall break and only Friday off for Thanksgiving - she feels it will be too hard to fly home after classes Wednesday, and the risk of problems with one of the flights is high given November weather… I have to agree with her logic, so I guess she won’t be home for Thanksgiving…</p>
<p>“I am the melancholy one here. I miss her! She’s so far away. I’ll be fine… eventually…”</p>
<p>That’s how I was last year MidwestMom-- it gets better!
We just got back from dropping son off at school for the start of sophmore year. He couldn’t wait to get back. The only hard part was watching his 10-year-old sister go back for a second goodbye hug. With the bickering that often goes on here we don’t always get to see how much they mean to each other-</p>
<p>It’s a year later…and I see lots of new posts from moms (and dads?) who felt the way I felt last year.</p>
<p>It does get better. The first few months were AWFUL (for me). D had moments of being homesick, called me right away, and then minutes later ran off and had fun - while I suffered at home! D’s first visit home was wonderful, as were all of her other visits. We may have had a day or two of adjustment, but we fell right back into our old patterns. I am still her best friend, although she has tons of new wonderful friends. We still find the same things funny and connect just like we always have. She shows me all of her pictures and I feel like, in a way, she is really not that far away. What I have now is a slightly older, slightly more mature D who is even more enjoyable. She appreciates me a little more. She is so thankful for her family. All of the learning experiences over the last year have led her to appreicate her life that much more. </p>
<p>I dropped her off a few days ago and she just called to say she is a little homesick. She is helping the new freshman move in and she remembers what it was like for her. Sure, she was homesick from time to time - but it is an adjustment and she had (and has) to allow herself that. She needs me to be her cheerleader and as hard as it is not to wallow in my own self pity (which I love to do based upon this thread), I need to be there for her and be strong as much as I can. Best of luck.</p>
<p>I was glad to see your update on your daugher and college. I am NOW going through the same thing. A is my best friend…best in the whole world. She will be leaving on Sept. 4th for college and I tear up just thinking about it. I feel like I’m losing her…and while I know that’s not the case, I feel like it is. We watch movies in her room now, and just do everything together. I am lucky though…she is only going 45 minutes away. I will give her the space she needs - and encouragement…but it is eating my insides away. The update was nice to see that you made it through the transition…and maybe I will too. Any words of widsom are very welcomed… oh, and please, email me if you wish as I can’t always log onto this page at <a href="mailto:Sharonmvb@Yahoo.com">Sharonmvb@Yahoo.com</a>…I could use a friend who has been through this before.</p>
<p>I just became a registered member so I could post on this topic. Not that I won’t become hooked on this site, which I just now discovered while googling “college, empty, nest, grief,”.
I just got back from taking my freshman D to a college 1000 miles away and I am heartbroken. I don’t know if anyone is still checking this topic but I find that I must write something. We are/were a homeschool family and she is my youngest. I didn’t realize what a sense of loss I would feel until I came home to the empty house which will never again be where my heart is. I just can’t imagine ever feeling happy again. Sorry that my first post is such a downer but I am having a real fine pity party at the moment. Hope to feel better tomorrow. Thank you so much to everyone who posted such heartfelt responses. I’ve read the entire thread twice now and I think I will be coming back for more. Before I found this thread, I thought I must be the only mom in the world to be such a chicken. Every parent has had to let their kids go, why do I feel like such a baby?</p>
<p>Homeschoolmom, you will find plenty of company for those kind of feelings here! But you will also read stories of people who “survived” the adjustment. Things may be “different” but they can still be good!</p>
<p>I may have posted on this thread a few years ago - but I can’t remember, so I’ll weigh in again. Let yourself grieve, but realize that the grief WILL subside, and you will also find much to enjoy in your empty nest. I have a DD, college graduate '08, who lives half way around the world from me. I miss her, but we SKYPE once a week, and when I get to work and log into my computer (before work hours start), she is at work in the afternoon, and we often exchange little skype text messages. DS is a rising college senior, and has lived in his college town for the last two summers. Do I miss him, He** yes, but we also text and chat on the phone, and he comes home at least 4 or 5 times a year for a short visit. H and I enjoy not having to prepare meals, and the flexibility of our nest. The house stays clean; we can come and go at will, and we have time and energy to branch out socially with friends and pursue other interests. The other life things gradually fill in the void left by missing children - and then you get to switch your focus to eagerly hoping for grandkids! 
I do wish I could jump back in time for a few hours or so, and hug my toddler kids, or chat with my grade-school kids, or hang out with my teenage kids, but time does not move backwards. Hugs and peace to you new empty-nesters, and have faith…</p>
<p>Thank you Anxiousmom and Abasket. I know in my head you are all right, it just seems like the tears will never end. My husband could not go with us to move DD in and he is still away. The dogs think I have gone nuts cuz with the empty house, I have no reason to muffle my very loud sobbing! I’m hoping in 24 hours I can put some of the open grieving behind me and try to move on. Wish me luck!
Thanks again</p>
<p>HomeschoolMom2,</p>
<p>As an 8-year empty nester, I can tell you it never will be the same, very different, and it will take time.</p>
<p>My now 29-yo told us at the age of 16 that when he finished w/college (UG) he was moving to Europe. We said “yeah, right”. He did, and has been there now for 7+years, getting married next July.</p>
<p>Ten days after he left, his younger sister went away to bs for high school, so we were empty nesters 4 years sooner than we expected. Both kids gone within 10 days.</p>
<p>After bs, daughter went away to college 1200 miles away where she just began her last year. We drove the 1200 miles earlier this month to move her into her apartment. I spent 5 days with her, then flew home. We both cried at the airport. Every time I have had to say good-bye to either of my children, I cry, but I get it. </p>
<p>During her study abroad last year, my daughter decided she, too, was going to live in the same country as her brother. She already has a job offer, if she wants it, for when she graduates. </p>
<p>This country is where my husband was born and raised. We met when I was studying there, but have lived in the USA for 34 years. In 4 years we retire, then plan to go there.</p>
<p>Skype is your friend, as anxiousmom said. It hasn’t been easy, it is what it is. You don’t even have to post to feel the support from the CC community. I’ve been coming here for a long time.</p>
<p>I have a confession to make - I have been lurking on this thread and also on the ‘class of 2014 thread’. </p>
<p>In two weeks, DH and I will drive DD to college - and we will leave her there. Just like that, girl gone. Although I’ve had teary moments over this past summer I’ve always reminded myself that D is so happy and excited to be going. She is mature, prepared, capable and strong. So, up until yesterday I was holding it together pretty well. </p>
<p>DH has been out of town all week and DS, our 15 year old, is spending the weekend with friends. So, D and I spent yesterday going to the movies, having coffee and enjoying a take and bake pizza at home while critiquing ‘Project Runway’. I looked over at her on the couch and just started crying. I haven’t had much luck stopping.</p>
<p>My thoughts are all over the place. First and foremost I need to make sure that my feelings do not cause guilt or self doubt on D side. She is a very empathetic and gentle soul. She needs to know she is not responsible for care taking DH or I. This is hard to do when my eyes look red all the time!</p>
<p>I will miss her so very much. Although I’ve always remained ‘mom’ first, we are friends, confidants and buddies. I love DS with all my heart but in many ways his world is so different than D and mine. I came into the TV room the other night and ‘Black Hawk Down’ was blasting away. It broke my heart to know the nights of exchanging foot rubs while enjoying a chick flick were coming to an end. The house will be so empty without her. </p>
<p>She is an astute person. Over coffee she mentioned that during the 4 years at college she really won’t have a ‘home’. Here, this house, will no longer be where her life is centered. She will be traveling these last few years into adulthood primarily on her own, in a place where she needs to move at the end of each year. It became clear that this is the first step in a drawn out, but very necessary, good-bye.</p>
<p>This is what everyone here has prepared their child for. We have supported, encouraged, disciplined, laughed, cried, spent sleepless nights and given so much of ourselves to their lives. Sometimes individual days seemed terminally long, yet somehow the years flew by. I know the intensity of these feelings will fade - they must. I have faith that there is joy waiting to be experienced. But, right now it feels awful.</p>
<p>Survivor here! Our son (only child) graduated in May and started his job in June. He has not lived closer than a 9 hour drive since 2006.</p>
<p>It hurts to let them go. No getting around it. It is hard to believe that it will ever get easier. It does. Really. But it takes time and does not happen in a straight line.</p>
<p>Also, be prepared to hear about problems and sadness when they occur and know that you may not hear about solutions and happiness! That was hard for me. He would call about a problem; I was the sounding board for solutions and a safe place to vent. Then I wouldn’t hear from him for days. Meanwhile I worried. When I did ask, the answer was something like, “Oh! I took care of it last Wednesday. Turns out it wasn’t a big deal after all.” Grrrr. :)</p>
<p>Hugs to all the newly bereft parents. And to the old-timers like me. (I still cry after I say goodbye, every time.)</p>
<p>~mafool</p>
<p>dietz199: You stated my thoughts and experiences perfectly. I got up this morning hoping the waterworks would not make an appearance this soon but your post turned the spigot on. One thing I just don’t get is why we don’t hear more about this. The rest of the world seem to be doing just fine. Older people walking down the street, probably raised a family, not crying every time they look at a toddler going past. “Empty Nest” articles on the front page of grocery store magazines, make it sound like it is such a free and wonderful time of life. Are we on this board that much different? Did we give too much of our lives and hearts to our children? No one told me it would hurt this much.</p>
<p>Isn’t it puzzling that we shed so many tears when our children do exactly what we’ve raised them to do? Our son (age 23) got married last week and our daughter leaves on Wednesday to study abroad in Switzerland–I’m feeling weepy! But at times like these, I do try to remind myself that it would be infinitely sadder if they couldn’t/weren’t able to do achieve these milestones. The tears I shed are also tears of joy.</p>