Positives: Surprisingly got admitted to a high reach school despite dismal HS GPA with a near-full ride scholarship which meant I didn’t have to worry about parents’ inability to pay for college so long as I maintained a reasonably respectable college GPA (Somewhere in the 3.25-3.3 range).
Negatives: I had a crappy first 2 years in HS and it was mainly from hitting the academic wall and rebelling against teachers/parents/authority figures. Didn’t want to repeat that for college as losing that scholarship would mean no college for several years/ever as there was no safety net in case of failure*. Fortunately, the requirements turned out to be reasonably easy to maintain.
Knew a few colleagues who in their own words "partied/drank away their scholarship" and ended up being "strongly encouraged" by parents/older relatives to enlist in the armed forces or find a job with a HS diploma. One colleague who went through that with his father participated in OIF I, served as a drill sergeant, and selected to attend OCS before he decided he had enough of the Army after 8 years and went back to college/grad school on the GI Bill.
The guys at Freakonomics tend to think monetary rewards (combined with cognitive behavioral therapy) work, but my issue with the article is that the rewards are not commensurate with the achievements.
I think that disparity is going to kick them in the butt in the real world just as much as never commending a kid for their achievements. I have one kid that likes to use a carrot to motivate her, and one kid that does better with the stick. For the carrot kid (16), I ask her what does she want for her motivation to her goal (she sets both, our job is to say “no, sorry, you can’t go to xyz” if she doesn’t make her goal).
For the stick kid (15), I ask her what contract she’s going to create if she doesn’t maintain the grades she wants to maintain. For instance, her latest contract (that we all signed) is that we’ll take her phone away from her if she gets any C’s on her 1st semester report card, and she doesn’t get it back until the 9 week progress report showing no C’s.
I think anything that’s sustainable and reasonably healthy as a motivator is probably ok. I do it to myself all the time-no gatorade unless I won the first match at tennis yesterday (only water). I won. It’s stupid, but it works for me.
Agreed. We were not one for rewards for grades, but I can understand that some kids may need a little more incentive. I could see how some parents might feel this is necessary. But the rewards being offered in the article are way above and beyond appropriate for the achievements. I also had a problem with the incentive for a college student. The only incentive she should be getting is “We will continue to pay tuition”. THAT should be incentive enough.
We did not reward for grades. In fact, there were no allowances. But we bought them everything their heart desired.
The clear rule that was given when D. was 5 y o - she could not go to sport practice if the school work is not done 100% for the next day and done correctly. She never had missed her sport practice for that and we never had to repeat the rule. Whenever they like something and looking forward to that every day, they will do what is required to reach this desired destination. The perfection become a bit of obsession though, so sometime I demanded from her to put the books and papers down and stop continually re-writing the English papers. Frankly, I even called her principal in middle school to discuss this obsession. The principal had no suggestion as I was the first parent in her long career to complain about the obsession with the homework. To make sure that D. does not do her homework all the time, we involved her in many un-related activities and thank goodness that she also had tons of friends. We also spoiled her a lot, nope, she was NOT driving an old car. It is old now, 10 years later, but we bought her a pretty new car and a brand new piano when her piano teacher mentioned that the keyboard is not enough for her any more. She continued being spoiled all thru college and Med. School. But she seems to be OK on her own now.
My S. also spoil rotten his kids, both straight A students in very selective test-in HS in NYC I believe spoiling kids is a very good idea. And having them in all kind of unrelated after school activities of their choice has also worked very well in our family.
Ok, @MiamiDAP , I’m in one of those moods where I’m willing to throw down. When you say “she could not go to sport practice if the school work is not done 100% for the next day and done correctly.” I gotta ask, because I’ve been in that position and it was untenable.
Did you really correct and monitor the homework every night? Because I tried that in 8th grade for younger D, and it immediately became apparent to me that such immense external pressure on her to do everything perfectly was going to lead to heartbreak and misery for her as an adult, and me as a parent because dang, that was a lot of work to correct and monitor every night. Perfection is exhausting.
Did you link the new car and new piano to their abilities and achievements, or was it not a big deal for you because you can afford new cars and new pianos, and it’s just assumed in your family?
I’m a little confused by your two statements. One; you required her to do all her homework correctly 100% of the time. Two, “make sure D does not do her homework all the time”. That’s sorta, um, let’s go with bull****.