Oldest son has adhd and learning disabilities. I learned early on that effort might not result in an A and that was okay.
Second kid, school pushed him to be advanced. But by 9th grade he hated being pushed. Thle whole “not working up to his potential” comments have been made. I know I am guilty of the “you can do better” comments too. But I stepped back and looked at all my kid was doing and I realized, my kid is doing what he can. I know that I as a fully mature adult can only do so much. When I spread myself too thin, I can’t give 100% to everything. I am working full time, plus I am taking grad school classes, plus trying to run a household, and I was doing a part time job as well. I recently realized my limit and droppped the part time job because I was truly failing at other parts of my life and it wasnt mentally or emotionally healthy.
So my kid is doing school which is basically a full time job. On top of that hes doing football 5 plus nights a week. And voice lessons. And 3 choirs. And working a part time job. And trying to do homework. Sure theres kids who can do all those things and still pull all A’s. But I decided that my kid is a good kid and its ridiculous to think that doing ALL that AND still pulling A’s and B’s is somehow showing that my kid is failing? What the heck?!
My kid is learning and growing. He is happy. He likes having a variety of things to do. I have zero concerns about him being successful as an adult because I know that he is a hard worker when its something that he is passionate about. Most important to me is that my kid is a kind person who will be a contributing member of society and he is mentally stable.
I HATE folding socks. I will push it off until the last load and leave it sitting there for a day before I dive in and get to matching them. I would consider myself pretty successful. I as an adult still find it hard to find the motivation to do things Im not interested in. Am I failure because I dont put 100% effort into folding socks?
My kid is doing what is expected. No he is not going above and beyond to get As in subjects he doesnt love. It doesnt mean my kid is lazy. It doesnt mean he will be a failure in life. He has stepped back and evalauted what is important to him and divides his time to ensure he is successful in everything he does. Getting a B is not a failure.
eta: I am not naive and that I know grades are money. College admissions is crazy competitive. But there are MANY colleges out there. I know way too many parents who are constantly telling their kids they arent good enough. An A- is not good enough. A “B” is not good enough. Heaven forbid they get a C.
Step back and think about that. The person who is supposed to love you the most in this world doesnt think you are good enough. Being reminded almost every day or every week that you are a failure in their eyes and not worthy.
Teen and young adult suicide is at all time high. I dont understand how some parents cant see they are part of the problem.