I think parents shouldn’t beat themselves up too much about this kind of thing in terms of kids and activities. My incoming high school senior son has always been a confident performer and musician. He used to have the word prodigy thrown around when he was playing sonatas on the piano at 8. (He’s not ) Academics are just super easy for him too. He started piano at 5. When he said he wanted to major in music I was kind of surprised. He’s a techie and academic too. But his music teachers were like “duh mom - of course that was going to happen”.
So my 2nd born started violin at 4. We homeschool (long story - my oldest went to school for a couple years and that was a bit of a disaster for him. ) and I just considered some form of music part of their education. In fact they always had to have some music and something active going. She started dancing at 5 and LOVED that so much all through elementary school. Dancing many days a week. She begged to quit violin many times but not enough for me to think she really hated it. Meanwhile her sibling was getting a ton of attention for music. When she brought it up I said ok, but then pick another instrument or choir and we’ll talk again when you’re 12. She never chose to switch. Well, she just turned 14. She hasn’t mentioned quitting in a LONG time. She LOVES orchestra. She’s practicing for a overseas tour with her orchestra next summer. And now she loves singing/voice/theater. She takes voice lessons too and she is set up so well for voice from her many years of string training. She is 100% different kid than she was 2 years ago. She is dancing, but much less and more socially while many of her peers focused on dance headed to dance intensives this summer. She just auditioned into a competitive singing group my son has been doing and I’m pretty stunned by the turnaround. She will likely never want to pursue violin as an adult and is not a superstar but she really enjoys it now and has a great relationship with that teacher. I could definitely now see her looking at VP. And she’s just an incoming freshman. Maybe next year she’ll switch gears again, which I’d be totally fine with. When she was younger, she really didn’t want to show interest in anything big brother was doing. And now she’s just infinitely more confident about blazing her own path without minding that it overlaps a bit with the older kid now. And don’t get me wrong - oldest has his own weaknesses. But he eats music for breakfast. I can take him to a professional orchestra or a Broadway show and he will point out mistakes and name the keys the music is in.
Anyway - at this point I feel like you just never know how kids are going to evolve and change over time. I don’t consider myself a tiger mom at all, but I don’t think wanting your child to have a well rounded education that includes music (or sports or engineering camps or whatever) for a certain number of years is awful at all. There’s some pretty solid data about the merits of ALL kids having some music training. And I didn’t start my kids in music with the idea they’d become musicians. I thought about the lessons of patience, focus, fighting perfectionism, working with a mentor, building a practice habit, collaborating, etc that can be applied to so many areas. Sometimes kids real passions take a while to come out. Maybe a kid that was pushed into something in an intense way at 8 but found it at 12 full of self motiviation would have burnt out sooner. Who knows.
Obviously, know your kid and YMMV of course. There’s just no handbook for this stuff!