You NEED to be involved. It IS different. Do yourself a favor and just get over that hump. Here are some words of advice however.
Have a “balanced” approach with your kid. You shouldn’t be leading, only supporting his/her efforts. You WILL need to be the master scheduler, travel agent and possibly task-master to a reasonable degree (doing reminders of deadlines for example). Other kids do not have pre-screens, travel arrangements, auditions all with list of repertoire etc.
Still, you do need to position yourself behind your kid (not leading). This can be tough for parents of musician bc you are SOOO involved in the process (financially and emotionally). This is where the concern comes in. But if you draw boundaries and stay out of the lead…you should be fine. If your kid is leading the charge and you are supporting that’s fine. Even if your kid is a little less focused but getting stuff done (even last minute with a few reminders…even a few warnings) that fine. If your kid is really dragging his/her feet and not hitting deadlines…than the school comes off the list. It’s not your job to hit deadlines. You can mention them. But if your kid doesn’t get it done, the opportunity is gone and that’s on them. At some point, your kid may “cry Uncle” due to a heavy audition schedule and you need to be respectful of that (even if a super cool school is hanging out there…you have to let it go). If you position yourself correctly, you’ll be fine.
The best results may come by simply thinking of yourself as a “mule”. You don’t have an opinion on the trail (assuming a reasonable list is complete). You just do the heavy lifting, follow along and nudge with your nose on occasion. If your master falls on his/her face, you just stand there and wait to see when he/she gets up again.
And yes, a research assistant is appropriate. But give them the basic and why…and then move on. You can spend hours thinking about each school (we all have!) but notice they spend less time…and balance your discussions to where they are at. In other words, keep some of your thoughts to yourself…at least for now. You want them to have space to form their own opinion.