<p>Tega, I’m not familiar with any HIV organizations in New York, but I’ll do a search later and let you know. Thank you for your interest, and I wish I could be of more help.</p>
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<p>I’m a feminist, so I’m very cognizant of power dynamics in relationships. I’m also fiercely independent, meaning I don’t get involved in relationships just for the sake of having one. I trust that I’m making the right choice in being with him. If I sense anything oppressive going on, I will be the first to break up.</p>
<p>Hanna, good that you pointed out Howard Brown because it actually works closely with another youth organization I’m familiar with. In fact, I was considering it as one of the options where I could get tested (testing is free on select days).</p>
<p>San, in my relationship which I have spoken about, I was with him for four years… I am talking of my own experience and I did not mean to imply anything about yours…mine was done over a very long time and it’s hard to actually see it coming, it is benign in the eginning, 1st its done lovingly and in a joking manner, then slowly (abt 1 yr later) you are only hanging with his friends and they become yours, next it is just the two of you going out (when you do it you think it’s normal only the two of you go out together…afterall that’s dating right?) By year 3 he’s the only person left besides your family. I am a jersey girl and I never would have thought that would be the person I became. People do not understand emotional abused is very slow (again not saying that will happen to you, but this might be helpful to other people,people you might even know)… I would never wish anyone to be physically abused, but mental and emotoinal is very damaging also</p>
<p>In my first few posts, I realized I confused “giver” and “receiver” because I was thinking in terms of giver and receiver of sperm, so just keep that in mind. As you know, “giver” is usually referred to as the person giving oral sex and “receiver” the person receiving it (obviously), so studies will use those definitions.</p>
<p>I guess in some ways it’s good that my relationship is with someone who goes to a different school and lives on the opposite end of the city. We respect each other’s commitment to our studies and see each other only on weekends. This arrangement also prevents us from being totally dependent on each other. Contrast this with my previous relationship… roommate who turned into a boyfriend…oh boy.</p>
<p>san,
first congrats on your decision to attend NU.</p>
<p>second, i can understand your fear about hiv.
you let your guard down on a first date, so of course you worry–just because all of your inner voices are telling you that you messed up.</p>
<p>i have no doubt you’re safe though.
(my husband’s an ID doc, so i’m knowledgeable by association versus formal education).
i do have one word of caution: when it comes to matters of sex, believe no one.</p>
<p>i’ve found that even the most honest women will lie about their weight.
and for different, but in some ways similar reasons, the most candid person can mislead about sexual history.</p>
<p>some people want to come across as more wordly or experienced than they are; others want to proclaim an innocence they wish they had.
when it comes to issues of sex, the motivations people have could require 3 years on a therapist’s couch to untangle . . . . </p>
<p>oh, and i was curious: where did you transfer from?</p>
<p>Good news! He tested negative 3 months after his last sexual encounter with his ex. I AM SO RELIEVED (I made it a point to see his medical report). He was upset that I didn’t trust him but not so upset that he wouldn’t have sex.</p>
<p>To SherBear, thanks, I’m really enjoying it here. I transferred from Loyola U. Chicago.</p>