Home Schoolers DO go to College (Sometimes)

Parent Cafe
21

This is my 17th year homeschooling. I’ve seen the evolution from an “out there” way of educating to much more mainstream. It used to be that the most frequent comment/question was about the lack of socialization/development of social skills. And to be honest, back in the day I did have to work harder at finding friends and social experiences than I do now, but my kids never lacked opportunities for socialization.

No one ever mentions socialization now when they find out my kids are homeschooled. What I hear most is people saying they either admire me for having the patience to homeschool (hah) or they wish they had homeschooled their own kids, but couldn’t afford to, didn’t have the resources, etc.

I think times have really changed, and only the older people who never knew any homeschoolers still think it’s strange. Most people are aware that, just like in any other school setting, some kids are going to excel and some aren’t. My opinion is that the kids that excel in one venue would probably excel in any.

We always called other schooling options “away school” because we didn’t want to speak disparagingly about our relatives, friends, and neighbors. My grown kids still say “away school” and don’t even realize it.

22

“I hope it has given you more respect for the public school system.”

Hmmmm… I do have quite a lot of respect for the educators at the high school my daughter attended. I think their contribution to her education was extremely valuable and was, without question, the best fit for her high school needs. Absolutely. And we are tremendously grateful.

I equally think unstructured home school was extremely valuable and the best fit for her elementary needs. it’s hard to argue that our approach didn’t foster the exploration and indomitable love of learning that contributed to her later success.

Frankly, I don’t respect how we publicly educate little people. Which is probably why I chose to homeschool my own.

I DO respect the educators, and wish we could give them the tools and support to be more effective and meet the needs of our kids better. I think their efforts are admirable and in many cases deserving of highest praise.

One teacher can triage their attention in a room of 30 young adults and maintain effective priorities.

I don’t think the same can be said of one teacher in a room of 30 small children. For me, that’s the bottom line, and it’s just my opinion. I don’t think shackling small kids to seat work is effective long term. I think the hours of mentally dead time kids expend while waiting for group order to be maintained…is exhausting and counterproductive. I think people are too diverse to smash into a one-size-fits-all mold, and I think this is particularly harmful to our most vulnerable voiceless citizens. I think we’ve lost the plot by largely eliminating play-based learning and have cut too many recess periods that benefit learning. I think our small people are more stressed than ever, more pressured than ever to “score well” and are listened to far too seldom.

23

It isn’t that all public schools are bad, there are bad schools and good ones, but I kind of agree with @Marygj that the approach in schools may need rethinking (and this is something a lot of teachers and education experts have been saying for a long time), that the teaching in many ways hasn’t changed and in some ways, thanks to standardized testing, has leaned more towards teaching to the test and rigid, rote guidelines, rather than helping kids explore a lot of different things. Especially these days, where schools have curtailed “frills” like art and music programs, and where so much is in doing well on standardized testing, it probably has become a lot more rigid and unyielding than even the schools of my day (and obviously, every school again is different). On the other hand, I have seen homeschool parents who basically replicate the school experience at home (yes, folks, it isn’t just the public schools, I say schools cause a lot of private schools are just as rigid, if not more so, than public ones), rote learning and so forth. I don’t expect that to change, when so much of talk is about schools turning out a ‘good product’ and the like, I suspect it will be more of the same for many schools.

24

“I don’t think shackling small kids to seat work is effective long term. I think the hours of mentally dead time kids expend while waiting for group order to be maintained…is exhausting and counterproductive.”

Comments like this can really easily be taken as a knock on traditional school based education! Shackling? Mental dead time? That’s rough!

25

Yes, I was knocking traditional elementary school. Absolutely. You are correct. LOL :slight_smile:

And Yes, the average elementary class expends an obscene amount of class time on discipline and maintaining order. It’s tedious. Kids who would like to be stimulated and learning something are pretty much forced to space out and wait until the ride gets moving again…over and over and over. Kinda makes you want to chew your leg off.

And Yes, I think extended seat work is crazy for small kids. They’re building and refining neurological motor function pathways faster than any other time in life. They are biologically engineered to wiggle and giggle. They physiologically need to move around…and we keep adding more seat work and taking away recess.

Yep, my criticisms of contemporary traditional elementary education are pretty harsh. I think they need to be. You might not agree, and that’s absolutely cool.

26

@MaryGJ , I’ve heard a few negative stereotypes about homeschooling, but never that home schooled kids don’t go to college. I’ve known many homeschooling families, and every single one, with one exception, has sent their kids to college. I just assumed that homeschooling was one of many options for getting there.

27

I agree with @austinmshauri. Your description of is full of stereotypes that I haven’t encountered in way over a decade. I have been homeschooling since the early 90s and homeschooling shifted to being pretty mainstream yrs ago.

Fwiw, you are entitled to your “bridge” opinion, but it is just another stereotype. Plenty of homeschoolers are high achieving, successful kids who walk into their first “school” classroom as college freshman.

So far, 3 of my homeschooling grads pursued (pursuing) STEM. Our oldest graduated from high school in 2007 and is a chemE. He never encountered any bias or difficulty. My currrent college student is attending college on full scholarship and is doubling in math and physics and as a jr has a 4.0.

We know several of homeschoolers who have attended Stanford and MIT. I know several who have struggled at their local CC. Just like students from multiple educational backgrounds.

28

Sometimes I feel like a bisexual person in a room full of straight and gay friends trying to tell me what my sexuality REALLY is. LOL:)

“You can’t be a REAL home schooler and see traditional high school as the best option. That’s ridiculous!”

“You can’t see the value of public high school and be horrified by public elementary. That’s unfair stereotyping!”

One or the other. You MUST express allegiance to one if you wish to belong to either.

How the world dearly loves a cage.

29

No, you chose to state your opinions in terms of homeschoolers need a bridge.

I do not agree with you. By stating your opinion in the terms you did, you sound like you know what all homeschoolers need. I personally do not care if your child went to school or DEed or had an apprenticeship. Good for your family if that is worked for you. But, I know those exact same skills can be mastered in a homeschool environment without any of the paths you listed.

Fwiw, I think you threw homeschoolers into a cage you created.

30

Wow. As an early childhood and parenting professional for 35 years with serious study in brain development and developmental milestones both typical and non-typical - and as the mother of three “jail schooled” kids who managed to unshackle themselves and learned patience and how to be a good friend by helping those students who have trouble staying in line both physically and with behavior , I have to walk away from this thread now before I find MYSELF with jail bars!

31

For a post that supposedly was just to tell us how things worked for your kid, you sure are critical of the choices others have made. And to what appears to be your surprise, your kid apparently thrived, both in “jail school” and what I assume you would consider “jail college”, since she is at a state flagship. Maybe… just maybe… “jail school” can work well.

Also, although you may think that term is “cute” because you use it in your family, it is pretty clearly meant as a slur. Like other types of slurs, just because it is used in your home doesn’t make it right to trot out in public.

32

My oldest (19) homeschooled/unschooled all the way through, and it looks like my others will also. I sign assessments that are required for homeschoolers in our state, and I’ve been in charge of 2 different co-ops, so, besides homeschooling for a long time, I’ve been in touch with the homeschool scene at large in my state. While I’ve seen the increase of homeschoolers, I’ve unfortunately not seen the decrease that others here have of people still questioning my kids’ social lives. In fact, just a few weeks ago, a man expressed awe that we homeschool (a common reaction) and immediately stated, “We could never do that. Our kids are way too social.” He walked away before I could utter that he obviously doesn’t know my extroverted, involved kids. (It didn’t help that I lost response time due to my mouth hanging open in disbelief for a number of seconds. I’m not sure why I continue to be shocked by statements like this. I also don’t know why I continue to be surprised that a few people, even strangers, feel they can quiz my kids. One day, I’ll have the gumption to ask those people if they would test random private or public schooled students like that. It’s incredibly annoying.)

Even though we have chosen homeschool/unschool and I like the individualized education associated with it and disagree with the emphasis on testing and common core in schools, I try to make other schooling choices seem positive to my kids. After all, I was a teacher in a public school, and H and I both thrived in the public/private school setting. So, I can see where people are offended by the “jail school” term. Perhaps that is something that would’ve been best kept as a family joke. I don’t think homeschool families would appreciate a similar derogatory term.

Also, my kids know that, if they choose to homeschool/unschool through high school, they must take at least one dual enrollment course so that they gain confidence in their abilities to learn in that environment, so colleges can see they can handle structured rigor, and so they can hopefully obtain letters of recommendation from the professor(s). However, I don’t think that all homeschoolers need to do this or any other traditional form of education to successfully transition into college (or traditional high school); I’ve seen others do just that.

But, yes, OP, I agree with a lot of what your post said. Good for you for being open to and supportive of what your D said she wanted to do!

My own oldest D’s homeschool/unschool success story (and, yup, a bit of a brag, admittedly :wink: ): She unschooled K through 12 (totally untraditional and interest-based with the exception of the math she needed to do to succeed at the ACT and cover the bases–despite loving science, she does not like math at all), took 2 dual enrollment classes, and obtained a solid ACT score (which was only not super high because of that math, which she was fine with), and did no other testing. She’s now a thriving sophomore in college on a tremendous scholarship with a high GPA and is one of only two Peer Resident Tutors, a position that gives her free R&B+. Yes, I’m a proud mom! I’d be proud no matter what, though; she’s a curious person who has always had and has kept a love of learning for learning’s sake. (And, I’m not saying that this cannot happen without homeschooling/unschooling. It can and does. It’s just her story, and homeschooling was just the way we tried to foster and preserve this in her and our other kids.)

I’ve always said it’s the parents and the environment the family has and not the schooling choice that makes all the difference (at least in most/many cases)…

33

Unschool?

34

Unschool simply means interest-based, child/teen-led education: allowing them the freedom to come up with their own projects, read the books they like; follow their own rabbit trails; have a lot of unstructured time; etc. This can mean supporting the student in an enriched environment doing projects, joining teams or productions or whatever, using a curriculum–whatever it is (within reason, of course) that interests the student and is done without a lot of coercion. This also incorporates goals. For example, unschoolers who want to go to college look at the colleges which interest them and determine what they need to do to get there. For my D, it was concentrate on her “dreaded subject,” math; she focused on it for a bit so she could make sure her math ACT score was fine. Was she interested in the math? No. But, she was interested in achieving her goal of college admissions with scholarships.

35

How do you reduce the interest in online gaming without coercion if it’s on one of those interest-based student-led rabbit trails?

36

Fortunately for this discussion, one of my 4 kids did fixate on video games much more than I wanted him to for a while. I’m not nor ever have been a gamer, and I didn’t really appreciate them, so this was difficult for me. However, I’m glad I trusted the process because he eventually realized himself that he didn’t like how he felt emotionally or physically when he played that intensely. Did we have discussions about it during this time, and did his Dad and I question him about it? Of course. And, did we allow him to stay up all hours, thereby affecting the whole family with his moods? No. (Others may allow this. We didn’t. To each his/her own.) Unschooling is definitely not hands-off, even if it’s not coercive. However, he reached a point where he agreed with much of what we gently but honestly discussed with him because he saw it himself. His self-awareness has led to him valuing a more balanced life, and he can self-regulate. That’s an extremely valuable, mature skill. I’ve seen this happen with other children, as well, so it’s not just my son.

Plus, it’s not like gaming is all he did. We frequently go to interesting museums, co-ops, events, and other places, and he only chose to miss these a few times during that time. Sometimes he grumbled, but he ended up going, knowing he’d miss things like eating out or getting dessert and seeing friends. Those were big motivations to get off and out, too, even if he wasn’t interested in where we went. Sometimes, I had to do those things just to entice him away from video games. Again, unschooling does not mean hands off.

He wasn’t the only one who learned from this. I learned that gaming does have several benefits, including educational ones, and I also learned–once again–to trust the process. That’s much more difficult than it might seem.

37

Unschooling has parameters, @Madison85. When done properly, unschooling opens up traditional subjects so students can explore them without a road map. In NYS, grade school children are required to take art, music, reading, US history, math, science, English grammar, spelling, writing, and PE/health. We file a plan with our district that tells them what subjects we’re teaching and what books we’re using. Parents can follow the curriculum as written or use it as a jumping off point.

So a family with a 4th grader might enter the Native American unit listed in the [scope and sequence](http://schools.nyc.gov/NR/rdonlyres/82AC428B-068D-4DE1-95C2-8F7192B6D563/0/scopeandsequenceK8topbindingweb.pdf) of NYS history and discover that their kid has a huge interest in Native Americans. Instead of just doing the history assignment then moving on to another topic for the other subjects, an unschooler will use those interests to drive the other subjects. They could study Native American [art[/url] and create some projects, learn about their [url=<a href=“https://www.teachervision.com/native-americans/resource/7462.html%5Dmusic%5B/url”>https://www.teachervision.com/native-americans/resource/7462.html]music[/url] and make an instrument, [url=<a href=“http://www.biography.com/people/groups/native-americans%5Dread”>http://www.biography.com/people/groups/native-americans]read biographies](Native American Art (First Nations, Inuit, and American Indian artists)), read their [folktales[/url], make their [url=<a href=“http://www.nativetech.org/recipes/index.php%5Dfood%5B/url”>http://www.nativetech.org/recipes/index.php]food[/url], play their [url=<a href=“http://moa.wfu.edu/files/2012/04/Fun-and-Games-Teachers-Guide.pdf%5Dgames%5B/url”>http://moa.wfu.edu/files/2012/04/Fun-and-Games-Teachers-Guide.pdf]games[/url], learn about their [url=<a href=“https://digital.libraries.ou.edu/whc/duke/%5Doral”>https://digital.libraries.ou.edu/whc/duke/]oral histories](http://www.educationworld.com/a_special/native_americans.shtml), read about the [Navajo Code Talkers](Native Words, Native Warriors - National Museum of the American Indian), study the [Trail of Tears](https://www.nps.gov/Nr/twhp/wwwlps/lessons/118trail/118trail.htm), or visit a Native American [url=<a href=“https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Native_American_museums_in_the_United_States_by_state%5Dmuseum%5B/url”>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Native_American_museums_in_the_United_States_by_state]museum[/url].

Children don’t just get to decide they’re playing video games and call it a day.

38

@madison85:
Unschooling is not anything goes, parents still play a strong role in it. The difference with unschooling is that it rejects the rigid, this is what you will do now kind of thing that is the hallmark of traditional schooling for example you learn to read in kindergarten or 1st grade, this time of the year we will study the structures of a cell, now is time to study penmenship. A lot of homeschoolers follow relatively standard practices, with regular ‘class time’, with a set order of doing things and so forth. The idea of homeschooling is in the process of following their passions, kids will end up finding much of the things they are ‘supposed to learn’, only it becomes in the course of learning bigger things, rather than being fed it as a series of steps.How it works in practical reality maybe some parents who have done it can talk about, and it does take parents aware of where they think the kid needs to go to make sure things do get done, while letting their own interests soar, too.

39

We unschooled K - 12 also. Public/private schools were referred to as “institutional schools” or “brick and mortar schools” the few times we talked about them. (That wasn’t meant to be negative, just descriptive.) Our kids were asked each January if they wanted to continue unschooling or go to one of the local schools the next fall. Private schools held open houses in February, so we needed to make that decision early in the year. The kids attended various summer camps and workshops at private schools and each had a preference should we ever have to stop unschooling, but none opted to attend during the school year.

We used very few textbooks, with the exception of math textbooks and even those weren’t used much until our kids were teens. There were lots of “edutainment” type computer programs and I spent a small fortune on them. We made good use of our libraries and spent as much on books as on software.

About age 12 or 13, I showed my kids the requirements for them to get into various colleges. Over time they decided that an undergrad degree would be the minimum required for their career goals and they did what was needed for admission.

Our kids were self-regulating when it came to gaming time. Maybe we were just lucky. I talked a bit about personal finance, life in the “real world” and how they’d have to be self-supporting as adults. The standard of living they achieved was up to them. Yes, that’s simplistic and not entirely accurate, but it worked.

40

Another former homeschooling mom:

In the best unschooling situations of which I’ve been aware, parents create learning conducive home environments and model intellectual exploration themselves. Of course, this is easiest for families when this is just how they live anyways. It’s natural, not forced.

I’m definitely an unschooling fan.

I dealt with video games and x-box and so on, by not having them in the house for as long as possible, until someone feeling sorry for my boys gifted them a few games. Then we started discussing obsessive activities and best uses of time. They got beyond that interest pretty quickly. However, they did role playing games, old school, seated around a table with dice, for years. Mine are long done with college. Sometimes when they discuss their work teams and projects, it reminds me of those games and their gaming friends.

So much of this has to do with teaching kids to be responsible for educating themselves. This is a really good thing. imho.

adding: 95% of kids in our homeschool group completed PhD. Some are scientists.