Home with your spouse/family/SO for 8 mos- what did you learn about them that you didn’t know?

Parent Cafe
21

I learned he needs to get out of the freaking kitchen!

He eats ALL Freaking day long!!!
Goes to his office upstairs, has a conference call, then when finished, eats like he’s never had a meal! He’s easily gained about sixty pounds! I’ve had to order several dress pants and shirts for his return to work.
Worse, when I’m in the kitchen, he bugs me- what are you making? When will it be done? What did you put in it? Why did you put THAT in? Won’t that taste funny? You never put that in before. (He had never seen me make a pot roast because it starts early in the crock pot)
I’m in the kitchen, cleaning off counters and his grazing dishes, and the minute he hears me clanging dishes, he’s downstairs wondering what I’m going to make. I’ve told him: “I’m cleaning up after you.” Which disappoints him and he gets into our son’s junk food!
Our son recently had his wisdom teeth removed. Soft, cold creamy foods were recommended. None of our three children did very well with food after the surgery, so I had to make jello, soft plain pastas that needed to be chilled, smoothies, etc. yep, you guessed it-gone! This was after I labeled all of the ziploc containers with son’s name and after I repeatedly mentioned that our son’s dietary instructions were specific!

I had to keep telling husband that he needed to stop eating and get the hell out of my kitchen!

I told him that he had a problem with food and he became very angry saying that he didn’t. I told him that he eats about 20 times a day and he didn’t believe me, claiming that he had to eat multiple meals to “lose weight”. I stood guard in the kitchen one day baking and I counted. The excuse was he needed to get something with his coffee. I think he realized that I was counting.
He’s finally back to work!
His elder sister told me that the mother didn’t want the kids to have weight problems, so she locked up the foods. The refrigerator had a padlock on it. They had dietary meals every night. Chicken every night. So, I’ve kept that in mind, and COVID anxiety, given that every one of them has had weight issues.
I have my kitchen back! I was joking that we needed a trough. He didn’t get it!

22

I’ve worked from home for the last ten years, and DH has been working from home a few days per week for the last few years. But he had a nice balance of office/home before, and I also traveled for work regularly-one 2-3 day trip every six weeks or so. I always thought my traveling and our time apart made us better, but I think we are a lot happier now. We’re both less stressed. I guess the thing that has surprised me was that I was sure we needed LESS time together, because he drove me nuts, but MORE time has been really nice and he makes me less nuts now. Not that we never disagree, but I feel a lot less frustrated and our communication. No time to fester when the person is always in front of you.

23

I’ve learned more about myself than anyone else.

I’ve learned that:

A routine is imperative to my own mental health and wellbeing. I keep my regular schedule, as if I were still leaving home 3x a week to “go to work” - going to bed at my regular time, waking up at my regular time, and all chores (daily and weekly) have a timeslot, and I keep to it (for my own sanity). After chores (laundry, house cleaning, etc.) I give myself freedom to paint (watercolor) and sketch. But only from 2pm to 6pm max. Otherwise I’d never stop. My daily yoga and walk remains consistent, from 6pm-6:45 it’s gentle (yin) yoga and from 6:50pm - 7:30pm rain or shine (ok, if it’s rain (hardly) is my walk. If I’m rained out, I double the yoga.

Not allowing myself to turn on TV until 8pm (or later) is freeing! I love TV, movies, etc., and if I didn’t do this I’d happily stay in front of it from sun up to bed.

I love playing House Party games with my best friends and my adult D when we can - Head’s Up, Pictionary, Trivia. Sometimes we branch out and play Clue online together. It’s fun, we can talk together, and on House Party see one another too!

I love my monthly Zoom calls with my family, which is spread far and wide across the globe. It’s tough on those that call in at 4 in the morning, but we switch the start time each month so that only happens rarely. Seeing my cousins in Australia, my auntie and her brood in the UK, my brother in LA, and others in PA is a welcome respite. Last call we had 16 of us and was great fun.

I really enjoy cooking. I’ve started ordering Purple Carrot (vegan meal-prep program) 2x a month, and have been able to really branch out, and I’m eating much healthier meals (I’m a ‘one meal a day’ person, with small nibbles in between).

My meditation practice that I started putting into place 6 years ago has absolutely saved my mental state during the quarantine. Initially (March 13th to be exact) I got very scared, sanitized my entire place, and hardly moved away from my immediate surroundings. My daily meditation (20 minutes in the morning come hell or high water!) has gotten me out of my own way. I can actually go grocery shopping without wanting to spray anyone that comes closer than 10 feet wink:

And I think finally…
I’ve learned that my job is perfect for working at home. Initially I thought it would be for “a couple of weeks” so I tried to just get by and make due. Once it seemed it would go longer I really grew into my role, and now, if necessary, I could work from home, in this job, permanently. And if I’m honest, I hope it stays work from home. I can regulate the temperature, open/close the back sliders for real fresh air, wear socks or flipflops instead of shoes (I got out of the habit of shoes living in Hawaii), burn a scented candle or play music if I like…so many plusses. I don’t miss the interaction with coworkers (shhh, don’t tell) even though I like them (we Zoom 3x a week).

24

We’ve been home together since we retired three years ago. Nothing new or noteworthy to report due to the pandemic.

25

I’ve been worried that my husband eats so much (and exercises so little). Reading the above post makes me realize it could be worse. Still I’ll be watching for any hints about encouraging spouses to eat less / move more. In my house, setting a good example has not done the trick.

26

Have any of you watched the song/video, Quarantine Life, by Matthew West? We got introduced to it a few days ago - love the birthday part.

Now it’s a family joke about being a “win” if we get a shower.

I guess that’s one thing we’ve been doing more - sending more fun things to each other via texts or email. Before we didn’t have as much time to find/watch cute things.

I’ll add the youtube link since it’s not a blog or sales pitch or whatever, but if it’s not allowed (sorry), just google it and it comes right up for me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pyuaDo1eLEI

27

My DH complains that his office is now 10 steps from the kitchen (of course at the office they had a break room with a ton of junk food, but he had to walk more than 10 steps).

28

DH and I have worked from home together since 1999, so nothing new on that front. He is a peach and I am very fortunate.

It’s been wonderful having our 22-year-old daughter here for 8 months. Her anxiety is SO much less now. I don’t think I’ve heard her say, “Mom, I’m so stressed!” in a long time. Her positive attitude in the face of unemployment and the end of a relationship has been refreshing. I just looked at an apartment with her this morning, so she may not be around the house much longer. At least she will be only 20 minutes away if/until she goes to grad school.

29

My husband is considered an essential worker so he really didn’t WFH at all. He went to his office, and closed the door there…and worked. Which was fine.

He was home here with me for 2 weeks after my recent knee surgery, but since I was recovering, i didn’t really care what he did.

Our house is big enough that he can have a whole floor to himself if he needs be here…and that will be fine.

30

I learned that the more time I and H spend together, the better we get along. It’s outside stresses passed along in the marriage to the other spouse that is doing us in.

31

I only got to WFH for 3 months and looks like never again (boo!). But I learned once we became empty nesters, we got along much better! When the kids are home, I have much less patience with him and complain about him to them. Bad habit, I know.

I was pleasantly surprised when I WFH that he left me alone to work. He hated being stuck in a house and I was afraid he’s constantly be pestering me. Not at all. He had his routine.

We both thrive on routines to the point it’s probably OCD. It helps with the food intake. I eat exactly the same at home vs work and so does he. We are also the same about exercise. I do more, but I am more flexible with my routine. And that’s not saying much, lol. But he just does not miss or vary from his plan ever. You don’t mess with his workout time and nobody wants to mess with mine (4:30am)

32

I’ve learned that H hears every word I say; too bad he doesn’t listen!

33

I learned that when something annoys me about Mr Meddy, I don’t usually complain to him about it. Example: for years he listened to everything at top volume and it bothered me since I’d hear even when in another room. Our kids let him know about it and offered him the use of earphones. He willingly used them and has since purchased a pair of his own. My life improved immediately!

34

Would 60 pounds more body fat be about 8-10 inches more waistline (based on 6-8 pounds of body fat per inch of waistline)?

Would filling the kitchen with only low calorie high fiber vegetables help?

35

I learned about myself more–I need alone time. H has always worked out of the house, and I have always only needed to be out only part of the time–giving me a lot of alone time. My inner introvert struggles with not being alone; I can’t keep my concentration or sense of self straight without that rejuvenation/recovery time. This is not his fault; it’s just how I am made–which I sort of knew, but am having it severely reinforced right now.

36

We are both planning to retire in early 2021. I was worried because I can entertain myself quite well but was worried about H. Because of Covid, he did not work at all from mid March until Mid June and since then works only every other week. It turns out he can find things to do including useful and productive things. I’m feeling much better about the retirement thing now.

OTOH - I have learned that I am really resentful of the fact that I work twice as many hours and still make a lot less money than he does…

37

I’ve learned I’m not quite as much as an introvert as I thought I was. Every time I meet someone when I go for a walk I feel a great need to talk and connect.

38

@mathmom: Even introverts like to talk to people. Just not all the time.

39

My DH has been retired for several years and I was still working at an office. Starting in March we were sent home. I learned that DH needs to go places…often. He goes to COSTCO or Lowe’s or the regular grocery or Starbucks most days of the week. He does a lot of house projects, but he really has a need to leave the house even more than I do- and I’m the one who was leaving 5 days a week for my job.

40

This is a funny side effect: Now that I am retired I don’t have to get up as early as I used to, but I still wake up early. But if I try to go back to sleep I have weird dreams. I don’t usually remember them, but earlier this week I had a dream… the specifics of which I don’t recall, but I do recall a friend was in the dream and was being a bit selfish. Despite this other person’s behavior, my DH was being extremely thoughtful and considerate (which he is in real life) and when I woke up it made me appreciate him even more.