<p>AHa. Sounds like I’ll send sealed bags of M&M’s into that nursing lounge then! And bagels, not hermetically sealed but in a good NYC paper bag, for their lounge (not patient’s room).</p>
<p>Yes, a half-dozen people have offered to spell me bedside, and I’ll have to see in situ how much of that is helpful vs. distracting or not sufficiently informed re: continuity for watching him. </p>
<p>I’ll know and play that day-by-day.</p>
<p>If it is possible for you to be with your H, be there as much as possible. I say this from experience (and NOT good experience). I had a hard enough time making sure my mother received the care she needed when I was there (and even then, I was not always successful).</p>
<p>I second the idea of bringing food for nursing staff. Attach a little note saying "from the p3t family, thanks for your care, or something to that effect. Remember that there are usually three nursing shifts, approx 7-3, 3-11, and 11-7. It would be nice if you could bring something for each shift. Even if you aren’t there at 11, you could leave it at an earlier time with a note “for third shift.” Doesn’t have to be something elaborate- donuts, muffins, bagels, cookies, etc.</p>
<p>A very long time ago (before I had kids), I was a nurse on a post-cardiac (we called them cabbages) surgery floor. I worked third shift and on the weekends was the only RN on a twenty-five bed floor.<br>
It is soo helpful to the pt. and the nursing staff if a friend/family member can be in the pt’s room to help out. They are really sore after surgery so just having someone in the room to reach things, to fluff up the pillows, help with bathing or walking in the hall, putting their socks on cold feet, all the little things. Sometimes, men esp. try to be tough and won’t ask for help or express concerns to the staff like they will to a family member. You are his best advocate. Go luck to you and your husband pt3. </p>
<p>And yes, the nursing staff loves food.</p>
<p>I second the suggestion of an aide, at least at first, during the night.</p>
<p>I recovered from surgery alone in a busy hospital and would have appreciated an advocate and go-fer during the day–oh so much! But nights were the hardest–I was uncomfortable, the room was not dark and nighttime noises were startling or annoying so it was hard to sleep. The nursing staff was smaller than during the day. My first roomie played the TV loud–the second was noisy and troublesome–and I was too sick and weak to negotiate. An aide would have brought so much reassurance and comfort!</p>
<p>If you are staying with relatives nearby, and your husband will be in a step-down unit for 4 days, I suggest seeing if some of those relatives will take a shift to stay with him so you don’t have to be there non-stop.</p>
<p>After almost 5 years battling cancer, my mom had major emergency surgery. She was in the hospital for 6 weeks. For the two weeks we had people (relatives) with her round the clock. At the beginning she was too weak and disoriented to even find the “nurse call” button or hit the button on her morphine drip, so we weren’t comfortable leaving her alone. Eventually she got strong enough to be able to summon help for herself, and we left her alone from around midnight until about 6 am.</p>
<p>At one point I stayed with Mom 3 nights in a row. Well, by the third night I’m not sure I was doing her much good at all. Mom had alarms that would go off. Also there were people coming in to check on her, give her meds, or take vitals every few hours. I never got more than 90 minutes sleep at a time. The first night, I’d hear Mom make a noise and I’d go over to be sure she was ok. By the third night, I’d figure, “If she really needs something she’ll call for me,” I was just that exhausted.</p>
<p>My dad had open-heart surgery, and he recovered much more quickly. I was surprised how alert and able to get around he was e days after surgery.</p>
<p>Keep in mind that you will need to be awake, alert and strong to take care of your husband when he gets home from the hospital. The first night in the step-down unit I’d stay with him - or have a relative stay with him. Then see how he’s doing after that. By the last night he should be ok to stay on his own, he should be able to summon help if he needs it. Do not try to stay the whole time by yourself, especially at night. It’s stressful and exhausting. You will be end up in no condition to take care of him when he comes home - and that’s when he will need you the most.</p>
<p>I’d bring some magazines or books, and some healthy-ish snacks (pretzels, etc).</p>
<p>You have gotten excellent advice. I am in the medical profession and basically camp out when family members are in the hospital no matter what the ratio. Too much going on these days. I also try to get them out as quickly as possible before they catch something. I also second the not leaving out of food in the room for staff. </p>
<p>I only wanted to add that beware of some temporary cognitive changes after heart procedures, some people get EXTREMELY LOOPY especially from open heart surgery. (Not necessarily from meds either). </p>
<p>Generally people return to their normal selves after a certain period of time (though longer term depression is common) bur on some occasions you may be convinced that they were body snatched and replaced with someone else’s personality.</p>
<p>Don’t assume they will have the same judgment coming out that you sent them in with, they just may need a little minding for awhile not to mention the creature comforts. Again, it typically passes in a short period of time.</p>
<p>Critical Care/Cardiac/ER RN here.
Research has shown that patients with advocates have much better outcomes than those who do not.</p>
<p>You can control your husband’s environment, keep family updated on his condition so there are not 5-10 family members calling the station to inquire about his condition at various times.
You can be a valuable partner in your husbands recovery by monitoring his pain tolerance and making sure his pain is being manged effectively. Don’t be afraid to ask for pain med for H, many pt’s try to be stoic, but the truth is better pain management, the faster your recovery is.
Help Hubby with the breathing exercises he will probably be instructed to do to prevent pneumonia post surgery.
Make sure you know what medications your H is being given, don’t be afraid to ask when nurse comes into room.
When he his able to walk, help him walk down the hall. Mobility helps with recovery, and can prevent some post-op complications that are rare but can happen.
Offer emotional support. You will be his eyes and ears.</p>
<p>When dealing with nurses, please treat them with respect, they really appreciate your help when they can’t get into the room right away to set up the lunch tray. I have seen many nurse in my day get abused and yelled at by family members that were out of control. It really affects them and their work. It is really paralyzing when this happens. Nurse will go out of their way when you show them some kindness and respect. You get more with honey than you do with vinegar. Of course if you have concerns, please voice them, if you are not satisfied with the answer, please ask to see the Nursing Manager.
Hospitals and Nursing administration are very concerned with patient satisfaction and there are outside groups that conduct monitoring systems to score various aspects of the pt’s hospital stay. </p>
<p>Things to do before Hubby goes to hospital:</p>
<p>Write down a list of your husband’s Medications. Bring with you to hospital. Very important.
Do a Health Care Proxy. Very easy, can get online and need 2 witnesses to the signature.</p>
<p>Best wishes.</p>
<p>paying3tuitions, I forgot to tell you something else that is very important. I always made sure my patients’ families were aware that when your beloved comes back from surgery, he will look like he is on death’s door. They often come back from surgery on the vent, with about 10 IV bags hanging, monitors going off, a crowd of health care workers hovering around them. You might think that the end is imminent and be ready to panic. This is normal. Open heart surgery is a huge stress, and the accompanying technology can be extremely intimidating. Keep in mind that in 12 hours, you may wake to find your loved one sitting up in a chair, off the vent, eating breakfast. While he won’t be ready to dance a jig, this will be miles away from how he looked immediately post op. The whole experience can be very scary, but remember that you have a whole team of educated professionals who have dealt with this situation many times working hard on the behalf of your husband. They are truly amazing people and they will do what they need to in order to monitor your guy, so just try to have faith in the process. Things happen quickly and these wonderful people will be ready to meet each stage of the healing process as it develops. As you progress from ICU down to step down to the regular floor, the nurses and support staff are just as dedicated, but they don’t have the luxury of only having 2 patients to look after. That’s when you really need to be there, alert, educated, ready to advocate.</p>
<p>Please keep us posted on your husband’s condition if you have the time and inclination.</p>
<p>^^^ Agreed. I wasn’t there right after my Dad’s open heart surgery but Mom said it was awful. He was GRAY, and in his drugged condition he kept trying to pull out the ventilator tube - they had to tie his hands down. She was terrified. By the next morning his normal color was back and he was awake and alert. Night and Day. So just be aware that the first time you see him after surgery may be a shock, but it will get better.</p>
<p>I basically lived in a children’s hospital for two years. My son was treated on a high risk protocol that involved a lot of hospitalization. When he wasn’t in the hospital, we would be spending an 8 hour day in the out patient clinic. </p>
<p>I never gave the nurses anything except respect and courtesy, along with any assistance they needed since I was right there with my child. I saw families ply the staff with food, gifts etc, in hopes of getting better care. I didn’t see any results from that, and I was there nearly all of the time. I just did what I could to make the job easier for the nurses, and have my questions ready in my notebook for when the doctors arrived. By being with my child, it allowed the nurses to focus on those children who did not have a parent with them. </p>
<p>I lived in sweat suits as did my son. I slept in them as well. That way if the doctors came by early in the morning, I was dressed. I bought several attractive sweats that fit well and comfortably and changed them regularly. Hospitals tend to be a bit chilly, so they were the perfect attire.</p>
<p>When my MIL was hospitalized, it was more diffiicult in terms of dealing with the nurses because at her hospitals, the nurses were rotated so that she rarely had the same nurse in a short period of time. That made it even more crucial that I keep notes of who said what and did what. I documented every single person and everything done. I stayed the night with her until things were in a routine for her. I was not impressed with their way of handling a number of things that needed a little out of the box thought.</p>
<p>For instance, my MIL needed the bedpan or be helped to the commode around 7 AM which was shift change time. During the 20 minute transition period of shift change, the out going staff had to brief the in coming staff of all the floor happenings. So unless someone had a medical emergency during that time, s/he was out of luck in getting any attention. Which meant for my MIL, that she wet the bed every morning which was humiliating, nasty, and tiresome. When I brought up this issue to them, they had no solution at all. As far as they were concerned, it was just too bad. I would awaken my MIL at 6 am and buzz the nurse to bring a bed pan or help her to the toilet. Then everyone could take their sweet time during shift change, and the problem of my MIL awakening during that time and wetting herself was eliminated. After I stopped staying the night there, even though orders were placed for her to be awakened at 6am, they were disregarded. I had to call that hospital every morning around 5:45 Am to make sure they did as I requested. It was an incredible pain but the only way to get this done. I have a number of such stories.</p>
<p>Didn’t read all the comments so I don’t know if anyone mentioned this - bring a notebook. Date/time of discussions with medical staff as well as names. Ask for their business cards. It will be a relief to not have to remember every little detail if you make note of everything.</p>
<p>I found this book invaluable when both my parents were in 2 hospitals at the same time in 2 different boros of NYC. </p>
<p>Wishing you and your husband all the best!</p>
<p>I work with CABG patients. Our CC unit for open hearts has a nurse to patient ratio of 2:1 for the first 6-12 hours. That is 2 nurses to a patient.
Since every hospital is different, talk with the cardiac coordinator BEFORE the surgery to find out exactly what the procedure at this particular hospital is. It will lessen your anxiety.
Your husband will bo on the vent for the first few hours. I suggest not even going into the ICU room until he is weaned off the vent. He will still be very groggy but at least machinery will be out of the way and it won’t look as scary. You do not need to be his advocate in the ICU, most likely you will not even know what is going on.
In our hospital Intermediate/Step down unit has a ratio of 1:3. The patients are walked several times a day by cardiac rehab. You can only walk with your DH once he is proven to be stable with exercise (yes, walking is exercise 
).
Nurses will appreciate your help with making sure DH is repositioned for comfort, helped to the restroom, helped with his hygiene needs. Help him with breathing exercises, stay on top of pain. Do not encourage visitors. Do not dump his urine without informing the nurse.
Be very observant. You know your husband best and can be the first one to notice a change in condition, before it becomes apparent to others.
Be patient. Do not be afraid to ask questions. Be nice to nurses, they will be nice to you both. Yes, we do love pizza and bagels 
All the best and speedy recovery to your DH !</p>
<p>Just went through this with 2 family members in the past year. They won’t look great the first day or so. Be prepared. If your H’s mother is still alive, it may be harder on her than you. My H had a heart attack at 47 and his mother was a mess. I felt that I had to support her instead of the other way around. Also be prepared that your H may be confused. My Dad had emergency open heart surgery and he could not remember his bank passwords, it took my mother days to figure it out. He had to change his password right before the surgery and then could not remember what he had done or where he had written the new password down. My mom was really upset about it, I told her people forget stuff everyday and the banks were used to it that’s why they had password resets. </p>
<p>I had a family member who had open heart surgery at a major research hospital. (if your H is having surgery at a major heart hospital in Ohio, PM me ;). This particular hospital had a website where you could make a web page and update site for the surgery. It was the best thing. When people called to ask for updates, we could just refer them to the website, people could post inspirational response messages. The patient really loved reading those. Try to have a person who knows what the recovery time line is and can be the update person. Otherwise you will get tons of phone calls and it is very exhausting and time consuming. Maybe your D or S can do that.</p>
<p>We had a routine for what to do in the hospital, every hospital is different. Some hospitals will let the spouse be in ICU all the time except for shift change, others only let you in at specific visiting times. We bought lots of magazines. It’s too hard to read anything but the lightest of books or magazines in the hospital, at least it was for me or my family members. You may need to get out of the hospital once in a while. It can make you crazy, don’t feel like you have to be a martyr, get people to spell you once in awhile. But try to be there when the drs. round, your H will probably be confused and not able to convey what the dr said. Also you may have questions only answered by the dr. Also be prepared not to see much of the attending if it’s in a big research hospital, he has fellows or PA’s and they will be who you will see most of the time. They are very good and should be able to help you.</p>
<p>One other thing, don’t worry about your diet in the hospital. Most of the ones I’ve been in have great bakeries, have a cookie or two, it helps! Good luck to you and your H, I think that the worry before surgery is worse that the recovery.</p>
<p>p3t–just saw this. You have gotten all kinds of wonderful advice here. I can’t think of anything to add, except I’ll be thinking about and praying for you and your H. </p>
<p>He’s lucky to have you–I can’t imagine a better advocate/caregiver.</p>
<p>Here is my advice from my experience with my mom who was in and out of hospitals (and ICU’s):</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Find out who is who on the Nursing staff. There will be RN’s, LPN’s, Medication Nurses etc. Also there will be Respiratory therapists, physical therapists, IV nurses, phlebotomists etc. It is mindboggling to the uninitiated.
If you don’t know who someone is - ASK! Learn their names, if possible and be sure to tell them your name.</p></li>
<li><p>Check in with the staff. When you arrive let them know you are there. When you leave let them know you are leaving. When loved ones are present, often they will give you privacy and expect that you will alert them if they are needed. Hence, it can appear that they are not paying attention. Also, at many hospitals they will allow significant other’s to help with tasks like bathing and shaving, helping to the toilet. Taking an active role in the care of your husband will allow you to remain close and intimate. I never did see this as being asked to do the nurses job when I would bathe my mother or help change her sheets.</p></li>
<li><p>You are your husband’s advocate. Not only in his direct care but in the administering of his medication and even controlling visitors (if necessary). Please check and ask questions when they are medicating him. What are you giving him? How much? Why?</p></li>
<li><p>If you can’t be there 24/7 don’t beat yourself up. Find out when the doctor comes in and try and be there then. </p></li>
<li><p>Respect hosptial rules. If you have a problem discuss with the ombudsman. Respect his physicians orders - in other words; don’t allow visitors to bring ice cream to a patient on a no fat diet. I know this is common sense but…</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Good Luck! Having a loved one take an active role in one’s care during recovery and illness increases the chances of a good outcome.</p>
<p>You are getting some good advice! I agree that it is important to have an advocate for the patient at all times.</p>
<p>A terrible hour in my hospital experience was when I was 7 months pregnant, hospitalized for dehydration and food poisoning and too exhausted to walk. I was taken down in the wheelchair with my IV for a sonogram, and after the sonogram was wheeled outside the sonogram room to wait for the staff to take me back to my room. It took over an hour (I know because I calculated it based on the drip times on the IV). I remember wondering whether the floor was clean enough to lay down on and wishing my wheelchair was close enough to the wall to rest my head. I mustered up enough strength to get up and walk back to the sonogram room, but the people there just said transportation staff was busy and would come soon. If I had it to do over, I would insist that my husband or someone stay with me even when hospital staff took me out of my room and I would make a bigger fuss about getting back to my room.</p>
<p>My father found that frozen yogurt really helped his sore throat, and he could have all he wanted, free, from the hospital cafeteria. He could obtain it only if a family member walked down to the cafeteria to get it for him, though, because it wasn’t available with his meals, and the nurses had only regular yogurt on the floor. Regular yogurt is just not the same.</p>
<p>Also, my father’s legs chafed against each other. I suggested he ask the nurses if they had something that might help, such as baby powder. The baby powder the hospital supplied was gritty, and truly worse than nothing. After that he wouldn’t try anything. If you think this might be a problem, you might want to provide your own baby powder.</p>
<p>p3t, Sending you and your husband all the best for a successful surgery and a speedy and complete recovery. Lots of amazing advice here.</p>
<p>Echo the suggestion for a small notebook. When Mom was in the hospital, I put a pad of paper in the room and whichever of the relatives was staying with her would note anything major that happened, the time, and who the nurse/doctor/aide was and what they said. That way, when the shift changed, the relative in the room had a continuity and background to ask questions and get info on Mom’s care, and it was one more person making sure things didn’t fall between the cracks. At one point Mom had a cardiologist, a kidney doctor, a gerontologist, and an oncologist - and they didn’t all necessarily talk to each other and although they all wanted what was best for her, they all viewed “best” thru different perspectives.</p>
<p>Even if you are the only person staying with your husband, hospital routines are monotonous and repetitive - you’ll find yourself saying, “This morning we were told x would happen… or was that yesterday morning?” When you’re stressed and sleep deprived, a notebook of who said/did what/when will be invaluable.</p>
<p>Best of luck!</p>
<p>The notebook, and having it used by any relative whom I allow to spell me…who knew? Yes this is some very helpful advice.</p>
<p>On the physical duties I’ll be sure to let the nursing staff know of my own disability as well, which allows me limited mobility but isn’t apparent to anyone else. I don’t want to get pegged as unhelpful if I don’t help turn him or change a bed with them…but actually I can’t do those things. I’ll tell them. Everything else – I’m on it.</p>
<p>Respect for all working people runs deeply in my blood. I will reach out to the nurses’ aides as well as nurses, too, in word and deed (not just food). While sitting there on long hours, I might program a “thumbs up, all’s well” message to incoming calls on my cellphone which will be OFF or down to no-sound. I honestly dont want to talk to well-wishers unless I initiate the call out or until he’s really able to take a brief call himself later in the week. My experience of hospitals is they are BUSY places and the work takes focus. I’ll be his eyes and ears. </p>
<p>I made phone trees within my large family and his professional circle, hoping to reduce call-ins to me, him or the nursing office during the week in hospital. </p>
<p>Suggestions continue to be helpful and each one has been differrent, so if you see this post and have an idea to add, please do. I’m reading until Saturday. You are helping me think, and others may benefit. SUch is our community at CC.</p>