Were they raised in a culture where children (especially girls?) live at home until they marry?
Is there a money element to this? They know that the CUNY’s are essentially free, especially if you live at home, but they may not really believe that Penn (and others) could be similarly free (and they might be right).
Are you the first/only?
Realistically, you are unlikely to win this argument in one round. Make an interim goal of getting them to agree to do the paperwork to apply to a range of schools, and defer a decision as to which one(s) they are ok with you attending until you have actual choices in hand.
Use the time between now and then to chip away at the underlying worries:
=> figure out (if you don’t know already) who the “people” are that they are worrying about in the "“what are people going to say”? Can you find examples of those / similar people who have allowed kids to go away to college?
=> Normalize the conversation: Do you have friends/classmates who will be going away to college? let your parents be around normal college planning chatter. Are there people they respect who could be part of the conversation? will there be college nights at your high school? college fairs?
=> do the math to show that the schools on your list will be as ‘free’ as CUNY
=> if gender is part of the concern, include one or more all-women’s colleges in your list to apply to- at least for now. I don’t know what your feelings are about them, but if the choice was CUNY or an all-women’s college, you could get most of what you wanted that way. For example, Bryn Mawr, as part of the Quaker consortium, lets you take classes at UPenn, Haverford & Swarthmore. It is effectively similar to travel you are already doing (take the train), is close enough that they might feel more comfortable with the distance, and is not actually in what they might feel are dubious parts of Philly.
It would be easier to offer suggestions if we knew a little more. What schools are you considering and what major are you looking for that Columbia doesn’t have? Can your parents pay anything or do you need a full ride?
@austinmshauri
My intended major is nursing which Columbia does not offer. My parents can pay since I do have a college fund but I am still applying for scholarships such as Questbridge
No one in my family or community has dormed and they always use that against me. They really think dorming is taboo. Some of my moms friends kids have dormed but she always says that’s what “Americans” do and not us which I don’t understand because I was born and raised here… I would also be the first to go to college in my family so they don’t get the whole going away to college thing. I always try to explain the benefits of dorming but it’s like they don’t want to understand.
So, @kaylani45, you have gotten a lot of input- from general to specific- and all I see back in your posts is ‘they won’t listen to me even though I keep telling them why I am right’. I don’t see anything in your responses that says you are taking any of the input on board. Your responses seem stuck in “but I waaannnnnttt it and my friends get to have it it and their reasons for saying no are old fashioned, narrow minded and unreasonable” - an approach that rarely changes a parent’s mind. If you want to change them to change their position you are going to have to change yours first. IF you are just here to vent, (v actually looking for helpful suggestions) fair enough - but say so!
And, please, stop focusing on “dorming” (which is not a usual verb for students going away to college). You want to go to a particular college for a particular subject for a particular objective. Your focus on “dorming” is not helping your cause.
How do they feel about you pursuing a nursing career?
My first instinct was to suggest looking into some other NYC schools such as Barnard and Fordham but if you want to be a nursing major then in NYC you can look at NYU, Wagner, Pace and the CUNY schools that offer nursing such as Hunter and Lehman.
If your parents are culturally opposed to having you live away from home that is not really something anyone here can solve for you. You can keep talking and see if they will be swayed but I’m guessing that is doubtful. Focus on the fact that you will be going to college (many people would give anything for that opportunity), that you will have a profession, and that after graduation you should be self-supporting and able to make your own choices.
I’m sorry your parent’s have this restriction. But do recognize that many many people don’t end up at their dream college for various reasons (not accepted, not affordable etc.) so try to re-focus your dreams on what is do-able.
@happy1
Yea I think I’m just going to apply to schools in nyc since I’ve been arguing with my parents every day, bringing up new points but nothing seems to change their minds. I’m sad about it but it’s okay I guess.
So, @kaylani45, you have gotten a lot of input- from general to specific- and all I see back in your posts is ‘they won’t listen to me even though I keep telling them why I am right’. I don’t see anything in your responses that says you are taking any of the input on board. Your responses seem stuck in "but I waaannnnnttt it and my friends get to have it
Lol I’ve literally never said that was my reason for going away for college but ok. I’ve been arguing with them every day, bringing up new points but they never seem to consider them, which I’ve stated how stubborn they are. And I did mention even if I’m not getting into my dream school I still have safeties out of state which I’d like to go to. Please stop making me seem like something I’m not.
They’re fine with me doing nursing.
They’ve been saying a lot of messed up stuff to me like how they made sacrifices for me and now I have to sacrifice for them by staying here for college. This is just an example of how toxic they are and why I wanted to leave. But I give up so I’m just planning on staying here. I was planning on applying and leaving my parents anyways if I do get in, but I would never do that to my parents.
If you want direct admit nursing programs, you will need to apply broadly. It is entirely possible that the only place you are admitted will be out of town. So be sure that your parents understand that you might need to live in a residence hall in another town or city in order to get the education you need for your career. Certainly apply for all the commuting-distance programs, but don’t forget to add in some other options within the SUNY stystem and elsewhere.
Your priority, as a low income student, is affordability. How much can your parents pay per year? Add the ~$5500/year federal student loan to that and that’s your budget.
Do you know your EFC and whether or not you qualify for any NYS grants?
@happymomof1’s post #28 addresses my point: you are in a head-on struggle about “I want to dorm”.
Shifting the focus to the program- what your career path is / why those particular places / where. you get accepted, rather than “dorming” being the be-all and and-all, moves it from a straight power struggle and into something where there might be room for a different conversation.
Right now it is a zero sum game - one of you wins and one of you loses. The more you can move it away from that the better the odds are that you can get most, perhaps even all of what you want.