Good point about details being sketchy. I phrased my post from the first one by @Hoggirl where it sounds like the trust is set up for the friend and sister, but the outlays seem to be at trustee’s (grandson’s) discretion only. That part struck me as internally inconsistent. As you say, though, we have no idea what the text is. And I’ll admit to an unbecoming, voracious curiosity about it!
How do I bold the last part I quoted here? Because all of you who said this, it’s the sanest and healthiest approach to estate planning.
At least it is OP’s friend’s son! Hopefully she trusts her own son and his abilities, fairness, and integrity. Perhaps OP, whether she reads the docs or not, can help her friend feel better by pointing that out and the son’s expertise. If she does read the docs, perhaps she’ll find the stipulations that would bring some comfort to her friend, like if the substantial income generated can be used to help support her and her sister.
How common is it for parents to include their responsible older adult children in meetings with estate attorneys to either set up wills, health care proxies, POAs, etc or to review existing documents so that things are clear? My parents invited me and other competent sib to meet their attorney to review their docs and get questions answered as their health issues became more apparent and the likelihood of needing assistance with financial and legal tasks loomed. Very helpful, and small tweaks (advantageous to their goals) were made. We have not done this with our kids at this point, but I can foresee a time when it would make good sense. It was also helpful to have met the attorney and have a relationship before it was all about particulars.
This woman has the document and some questions. Perhaps her parents would be comfortable with a joint mtg. with the sisters, themselves and attorney to review how it will work. This also gets OP out of a potentially awkward role.
@HouseChatte - I, too, feel I have more curiosity about this than I should. I probably should have taken her up on her offer to read the documents when she made it. Now it seems more awkward to go back and ask.
And whomever used the words “hurt” and feeling as though the parents don’t trust them is accurate.
I do know it had been a long time since the grandparents had updated their wills. I do know that the previous set up was generally half to each of the sisters. Now, how THAT was specifically structured, I do not know. Regardless, I think this most recent change came across as a significant change of plans to the sisters.
I really think the birth of the great granddaughter is what spurred this more than anything.
Birth of the great granddaughter? Whose child is this? The golden boy grandson?
@Hoggirl I personally think you did the right thing by not reading the documents. What if you really felt this friend was being stiffed in some way? How would you have handled that?
We were never invited to or consulted about any family wills for any of our parents. That’s just how they did things. We do have a copy of the will for the only living parent at this point. Do we like all the provisions in it? No we don’t. But really would we ask the parent to reconsider? No way. It’s their will, their money, and their desire to control what happens with their estates. Not ours.
In our family we view inheritances as “found money” not entitlements. If we get something, fine. If not, that’s fine too because it was never our money to begin with.
If families really want money to go a certain way…they certainly can gift it to their heirs while they are alive. That’s always an option.
There are estate plans which make sense when your kids are in their 40’s with kids, which no longer make sense when your kids are in their 50’s or 60’s with both kids and grandkids. And the market is way up- so the 'rents probably realized this year that they have more assets then when they last did their wills.
One thing that sticks out is that the sisters HAVE been brought into the plans as they have been given copies of the trust documents and at least have an outline of the plans. It would be much more of a shock if the parents kept it quiet and the big surprise came when the parents died.
I think the sister should just ask what the plans are. They can ask the Golden Boy to explain it to them, or have a group meeting with the parents too. They can ask their questions and if those questions aren’t answered, the bring in the lawyers and advisers to explain it. If Golden Boy has to explain it, it may show the daughters they will be taken care of, or it may show the parents that there are some holes in the plans.
My MIL has a property on 125 acres near a big city with an architectural digest-style house on it. She and my FIL built it and it serves as the place for family reunions and weddings. She wants it to remain the family’s hands but none of her 4 children want it (two could not afford it; one lives in the same city and has their own lovingly built up country house and we don’t live nearby and don’t have a use for it.
So, she decided to modify her will to leave it to the grandchildren and 4 years of operating expenses. Her lawyer told her it was a really dumb idea so she switched lawyers. I told her I thought it was a good way to start disputes between otherwise loving cousins who have different incomes or live near or far, but if she wanted to do it, she ought to write rules that make it a) easy for a kid that does not want ownership to get out; and b) if they can’t buy the exiting kid out, they have to sell the property.
Really, two of her kids really could use the money. My MIL never earned the money, which was earned in part by her mother and in part by her husband who was a serial entrepreneur. So, she doesn’t understand how hard it is to earn money or accumulate assets.
We have been lucky financially and would likely disclaim any inheritance into either a trust or to the grandkids. But, I’d prefer to see her less well-to-do siblings get the money directly.
@sevmom, I have told her that it is likely that we would disclaim. I haven’t discussed this specifically with my kids, though they know that there is a dynasty trust that will support us but that what is left over goes to them.
The important thing about all of these family finances is to try to clear the air and have good understandings now, when the person(s) with assets can make their intent as clear as possible. It’s important so folks don’t Wonder later on if whatever happens is what was intended (eg whether folks always get all the interest and dividends paid out every year and under what circumstances principle can be distributed).
Of course the person with the assets can decide what s/he wants but folks can’t read minds and hard feelings can be minimized if there is a common understanding. Hopefully the language of the trust will mirror the grantors intentions (otherwise that causes its own issues).
