<p>I once heard Michael Tilson Thomas address a room of high school musicians telling them that part of the journey to being an artist involved being set apart as unusual in school. I’m not certain that I believe it to that extent, or perhaps we were extremely fortunate in our school, but I do believe that it does involve some sort of striving for independence in a good way-as in not following the crowd, but believing in yourself. </p>
<p>From my experience with one almost finished with college and one just accepted, they were extremely motivated in HS and MS to do those things they loved-pit bands in community shows, Youth orchestras, pre-college, Nutcracker, operas, jazz band- you name it they did it…The price we charged was decent grades. My husband and I expected that their grades would stay in the good range for them (no C’s allowed.- Once my daughter had a mid-term C and we had started to send in a note to a conductor that she would not be able to take on an upcoming show commitment, when she proved it popped back up to a B.) We found that as she matured, she was able to handle the double commitment of academics and music (although I’d like to meet anyone who has made it into a good music school with only a single hour or 2 of practice a day!) These were very long days with practicing for hours on end. Studies were on a train or catch as catch can. I think she was the first, perhaps only musician in NJYS, NYYO and Juilliard pre-college simultaneously-plus another 5 or 6 other musical commitments at all times. When she made it into every conservatory and school she applied to, I thought, “How lucky were we?” When the same thing happened for #2, with his music determination about his 10 ongoing music commitments and his IB curriculum, I realized it was more than just luck. It was our attitude towards them.</p>
<p>In return, we became those parents that would race them from a rehearsal in Jersey to a concert in NY and back again, helping them to keep up their chosen pace. I even have a third one interested in music and I’m asked constantly, “how do you make them work so hard and practice?” It’s easy, threaten to not let them do what they love. My kids have found a way to balance what they need to do for school (and what they need to do for music) with what they love, which is playing music. I’m always there to support them, but they are required to do a certain amount if it themselves.</p>
<p>If I recall, this thread began with a discussion about a music ed major-which I know absolutely nothing about. But my experience has shown me that if I set the bar on the things I think are important, and then give them free reign to make the decisions about how much to practice, how many ensembles to play in, how long to study for IB Econ test, etc. then they have stepped up to the plate and hit the ball out of the park. They may not end up playing in the met or a nobel prize winner (or perhaps they will) but I think they are self-accomplished and independent enough to do whatever they want.</p>
<p>I guess the proof is in the pudding. #3 is itching to go to pre-college and is working hard to get there. If it all works well, then my theory is working. If not, I was just lucky with the first two. Nobody can tell you how to raise your kids. You know your own kids. I can just tell you how I raised mine.</p>