<p>I think people should be legally bound to do prenups. There’s so much stigma attached to it, but it can really help out if someone makes a bad decision.</p>
<p>Do pre nups cover debt? I think I’d be more worried about getting stuck with someones pre-marital debt.</p>
<p>^^I have heard of pre-nups that cover everything one could possibly imagine. Even one that specified what they did with the mail when it arrived!!</p>
<p>But I don’t know if you can get stuck with someone’s debt if it is not in your name, even if you’re married. At least not legally. Or can you?</p>
<p>I have heard of it, but not the details. I just googled it, and it looks like there is some responsibility for debt incurred DURING marriage, even if you didn’t know about it.</p>
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<p>That seems incredibly intrusive.</p>
<p>^^ re post 24; maybe only in community property states.</p>
<p>When Mr. Ellebud and I got married I had a little money saved and he had just finished law school. (no debt). Mr. Ellebuds family was very wealthy…his brother married an heiress.</p>
<p>Jumping ahead…My parents died and I received a small inheiritance. During the course of 35 years…sil was disinherited, bil never worked. FIL lost a lot of money…mil widowed…My husband worked and has been quite successful. </p>
<p>If we had a prenup…my meager inheritance (according to the outlaws) would have been mine. And future inheiritance would have been been his. Funny thing: we have comingled everything…and are the happier and better for it.</p>
<p>One of my kids makes significantly more than his intended…one of my kids is with a young man who will never have to work…and another we are much wealthier than the other side…So what? They should be happy. Money rolls in and money rolls out.</p>
<p>“I have heard of it, but not the details. I just googled it, and it looks like there is some responsibility for debt incurred DURING marriage, even if you didn’t know about it.”</p>
<p>Depends on how good your divorce lawyer is. </p>
<p>My sister got the house, all the equity in the house, alimony for six years and was allowed to get married and still collect it, a very large settlement and her ex had to take out a $1M life insurance policy with her as the beneficiary. </p>
<p>He got, all their debt (every CC and the home equity loan which he had to pay off) and had to pay her attorney’s fee - which was over $500K. He also had to pay 100% of their kids college tuitions because in court he said he would when the Judge asked him (an oops on his part.)</p>
<p>When I got married 33 years ago, I had some money saved, husband had none. My parents were wealthy, his were not. I would never have married someone who asked for a prenup. To me, that would have been deciding ahead of time that it was doomed. </p>
<p>If I were for some reason to be single now, I would probably feel the same about a prenup except that I would protect my children from any bad decision I were to make. But then, I doubt I would remarry at my age.</p>
<p>We aren’t wealthy, but we are comfortable. My parents are still wealthy. It never ocurred to me to have my kids ask for a prenup. Still think it’a a bad way to start a marriage.</p>
<p>i certainly am in favor. If 2 kids marry out of college, neither with assets, fine. If I, as a parent, chose to loan them downpayment for a house, then I write a statement saying “loan”. Should they split, my loan gets repaid prior to them splitting any profit. I could give that money to my child, to help him/her buy a condo, etc.</p>
<p>If my son is married many years prior to my death, and he has a house and other assets, he can put his inheritance in a separate account and NEVER comingle it.</p>
<p>However, if son inherited money from grandparents, and uses that to buy house for his wife and self, that money is comingled. Without a legal document made at that time, stating that his $250,000 (for example) is his money, and rest of house value to be split, he will lose his inherited money. Such a document needs to be written in state where house bought; a prenup may hold no value if written in another state. </p>
<p>As one who has always been on losing side, I definitely would consult with a lawyer with expertise on this topic.</p>
<p>Pre-nups should be mandatory planning for 2nd marriages when children are involved. They are the best way to protect inheritances for children, to eliminate friction over assets and to make sure everyone relaxes. Worst thing is remarriage and then either death or divorce - or illness - ruining relationships with existing children. It’s also possible to include in agreements a cross-will/trust provision so the entire estate division is worked out. It really sucks to run into a family where there’s a remarriage and kids from the first marriages fight and there’s no trust - sometimes for good reason. This tends to come out at the worst times, like after one has died or when that parent is suddenly in a hospital or nursing facility. Who spends what on what and who gets what … that stuff rips families apart if not planned for.</p>
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<p>This is actually something that I’ve thought about recently in light of the fact that many college students are graduating with massive student debt. Our D will graduate with absolutely no student debt and a very substantial amount of money in the bank. My fear is that she will marry someone with with a great deal of student debt. They get married, her money is used to pay off his student debt, then things don’t work out, and her money is all gone. In a case such as this, I can see that a pre-nup would be very beneficial.</p>
<p>^^Me too. I don’t think it’s being morbid or saying the marriage is doomed; I think it’s facing potential reality and being practical.</p>
<p>My neighbor, married 40 years, died. Very shortly thereafter, her husband married young chick-e-poo. H dies within a few years; all assets go to the new wife. New wife sells all of original wife’s assets at a garage sale. Her two grown sons didn’t get a plate as a memento of mom.</p>
<p>New wife dies within a few years. Her daughter gets all the assets and moves into the house. Boys live within very close range and have to drive by everyday and see the home they grew up in owned and lived in by a stranger. They got NOTHING.</p>
<p>According to Kramer, asking for a prenup will offend woman so much they will back out of the engagement, at least if you don’t make less than the woman.</p>
<p>@cortana431: I love that episode!</p>
<p>Anyway, I can understand why parents might want their engaged son or daughter to request a pre-nup. They can be lifesavers in certain situations. But as for the individuals getting married, I can’t imagine not trusting my partner in that way. If I can’t trust her completely, I’d rather not marry at all.</p>
<p>No one should be afraid or offended by a pre-nup. If you truly love each other, it shouldn’t matter. Pre-nups are negotiated. They can be crafted to allow for the growth of the relationship and the marriage. Things change - kids come along - the years pass by (or not) and a properly negotiated pre-nup will evolve as the marriage evolves. In some cases the pre-nup ends after a certain amount of years. Terms change as children are added to the family… there are so many factors that make up a good pre-nup.<br>
If the agreement makes everyone (including the parents) feel more comfortable, isn’t that the best way to begin a marriage? This is a lifetime commitment (hopefully) after all and the mutual families will be a part of that commitment.<br>
If the unfortunate happens and the marriage ends too soon, both parties will be protected.
I personally don’t see any downside as long as the two people come to an agreement that both are happy with.</p>
<p>I think there is a very real implication with a pre-nup that the person with fewer assets is out to make money from the marriage. Your description sounds a lot like paying someone who stays married to you. Both parties are not protected, the one with the money (and therefore the power) benefits. Not the best way to begin a marriage. It is insulting. If you truly love each other, it shouldn’t be necessary. Marriage should not be negotiated like a business deal.</p>
<p>syrstress, would not a will have helped the kids in that situation? I would think it could have helped both with the first and second deaths to direct some assets to the children. Reminds me we need to update our wills now that our kids are adults.</p>
<p>I think it depends on what kind of pre-nup you are talking about.</p>
<p>The ones I dislike are the ones that say something like “if the marriage lasts less than 5 years, the spouse will get X; if it lasts more than 5 but less than 10, spouse will get X+Y,” etc. I think these hurt marriages because if one is rocky and it’s near one of those magic dates, the wealthier partner is likely to pull out of the marriage when it’s possible it might be saved.</p>
<p>I don’t have a problem with the kind that say something like when either spouse dies they will receive less than the amount fixed by the applicable state law and specifies a reasonable sum. (In NY, if you don’t have a pre-nup, your spouse automatically gets a certain percentage of your assets, even if your will provides that he or she will get less than that.) Those are especially good if there are kids from a previous marriage.</p>
<p>Pre-nups can be a very good thing in the case of inherited property. I know someone who had a hideous divorce last year, but the groom’s family jewelry and artwork returned to him because of a pre-nup. The whole family was very glad.</p>
<p>bevhills quote: When Mr. Ellebud and I got married I had a little money saved and he had just finished law school. (no debt). Mr. Ellebuds family was very wealthy…his brother married an heiress.</p>
<p>??</p>
<p>Ellebud, are you using another screenname or am I confused?</p>