<p>^
DING DING DING…sopranomom92 wins!</p>
<p>If you feel strongly, refuse nicely. You really don’t have to explain yourself. I would think that the therapist could keep her personal and professional life separate.</p>
<p>My husband’s sister and her spouse go on a mission trip to China every year. The purpose of the trip is to try to convert the folks in the village where my sil’s church is building schools/other facilities. H and I don’t want to support this particular effort (because it really is about converting the folks to their fundamentalist views) but rather than create bad feelings, my H sends a check to his sister (made out to her) and says–I can’t remember what group you wanted this for, so I just went ahead and wrote a check out to you. Probably the coward’s way out, but my sil is sincere in her beliefs and while we disagree with her approach to converting folks, we’re willing to send her money and not the organization.</p>
<p>Our business gets solicitations for all kinds of charities , most of which are fine…I find the fact that your therapist has asked more than once a bit obnoxious and unprofessional.
I love Sopranomom’s answer , but I think I would just say " no thank you "</p>
<p>I am also in charge of saying " no " the ones we aren’t interested in or are too far out of our own community to support</p>
<p>I have never understood why people choose to do something and expect others to support them. And I especially do not understand asking for money but giving nothing in return. (I am not talking about charities like the Red Cross or Habitat. Although, they obviously give a lot.) </p>
<p>For instance, I’ll give you a dollar for your soccer team if you give me a candy bar. Otherwise, if you want to play soccer, pay for it yourself! I rarely let my kids participate in fund raising for the extracurricular events we choose to participate in. Occasionally I would let them if the items they were selling were not a total rip off.</p>
<p>teriwtt–I do not agree that you should make excuses as some others have said. I think you should say exactly as you believe. " Best of wishes to you, but this is not an activity I believe in or can support."</p>
<p>BTW, I love sopranomom92’s answer. Sometimes I get solicited outside of a store for a donation for a school. I always say “I’ll give to yours if you will donate to my kids college tuition.” Or if prothlesizers come to my door, I ask them to spend time listening to my beliefs and ask them to attend my place of worship. I usually get “never minds.”</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Also very good, but how can I add in that in the past I have also not supported these kinds of endeavors… I think by doing so I can lessen the sting and prevent her from soliciting to me again. Meaning, if I contribute to her mission trip, I lose my excuse for not contributing to other requests I get. BTW, the other requests I have gotten have all been via snail mail and from people we haven’t seen in years, so I have no problem not responding. And I won’t likely see them in the near future, unless it’s an accidental run in.</p>
<p>I got a letter from my brother’s 19 yo stepdaughter to help support her “summer job” working at a church youth camp. I don’t support their church (H and I did not attend my brother’s wedding due to religious differences–which was a sore subject in our family). I know H would not want to donate. However, my brother, who has been out of work, has given MY kids generous graduation gifts. . . I like his stepdaughter–she is a very nice, hardworking girl who is doing good work. I struggled with this one, but eventually wrote a check for $50, even though this sort of “fundraising/begging” really turns me off. </p>
<p>In the OP’s case, I would just say, “Not in my budget. . .”</p>
<p>btw, I did receive a thank-you note from the girl.</p>
<p>Just say "Best of wishes, but this has not been an activity I have supported…
–or donated to in the past.<br>
- -and is not an activity I believe in.
–or an activity to which I would choose to donate my limited funds."</p>
<p>Be truthful.</p>
<p>You guys are awesome. Sometimes I get so caught up in the feelings that I can’t think clearly enough to come up with something tactful to say.</p>
<p>I like Consolation’s answer best, because I think it might stop future requests, but I think it’s also fine to say it’s not in your budget without necessarily adding it will never be in your budget. </p>
<p>Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve never understood why someone from one religion would expect someone from another religion to support their proselytizing activities. (Good works maybe, but spreading their version of the word?)</p>
<p>“I would really appreciate if you could take me off of your mailing list. I’ve never been comfortable with supporting this particular type of cause and would prefer not to get requests. But I do hope you have a fabulous experience and I’ll be thinking of you.”</p>
<p>^^^ Amen, mimk6 (no pun intended). I have between now and Monday to memorize it.</p>
<p>Teriwitt, I’d be highly irritated by a request of this nature, for a number of reasons. First of all, because going to another country to evangelize is disrespectful of the existing religion. I tell anyone who asks for monies of this sort that my kids are part Jewish and I honor their history as well as that of other religions. However this is not necessarily the polite answer you are trying to formulate. </p>
<p>How about “matters of faith are personal, and I’d rather not get into a discussion about religion or support an approach to religion different from my own. But I wish you the best.”</p>
<p>Years ago, in a lecture on fundraising at a place where I was doing volunteer work, the speaker discussed formulating a personal theory of charitable giving. Prioritize the cause, or charitable focus that makes the most sense to you, and support it well, while forgoing other requests. I have used this approach as a reason to say no to a great deal of fundraising requests, though there are many that tug at the heartstrings. And I also make it a priority to support those important causes every year that I am committed to, even if difficult budget wise. </p>
<p>Cross posted with mimk6. Great response!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I agree with morrismom. D and I are leaving for Sierra Leone on Monday to volunteer as facilitators at a teacher literacy conference put on by former Peace Corps volunteers. We are paying the entire costs ourselves (it will end up being $6,000-plus). H worked an extra job, D earned half her share through babysitting and house-sitting while going to college full time. We did not ask for one penny from others. It would just feel wrong to me. This is our charitable contribution; why would I ask someone to make it theirs?</p>
<p>I receive solicitations from my niece on a regular basis. I think they are instructed to put everyone they know on their mailing list, regardless of religious affiliation. We have never given any donations to my niece, even though she has been in the mission field for three years. She never mentions it to us, nor do we to her.</p>
<p>In our case, we are agnostic and would never want our money used to support organized religion. I personally have a problem with my neice, her husband, and 1 year old son, living off of other people’s money, and then receiving newsletters telling us of their new dog, new car, and trips around Europe. Or maybe I’m just jealous.</p>
<p>Just as an addendum to the initial information I provided and for those here who may not know (or remember from some of my other postings), I am actually a chaplain in the Christian faith, having attended a Protestant seminary. Over the years I have become pretty skeptical of the church as an institution, but absolutely love what I do (probably because it allows me the opportunity to mix with all world religions… obviously some more than others). Again, what aggravates me to no end is the assumption that I would support any endeavor which is Christian based, and I’m guessing that’s why she feels comfortable asking me. </p>
<p>The other thing that rather irks me is the amount of business I’ve brought to her. I’ve sent her many referrals and have purchased numerous gift certificates for her services for friends and family members… I’ve had a lot of massages done by different people, and she is far and above ahead of everyone I’ve ever had. I do not wish to change massage therapists. </p>
<p>Just over three years ago, my hair stylist was opening her own salon and in passing, mentioned she was looking for a massage therapist to rent out a room in the salon. I mentioned this to my massage therapist, who then told me she had been seriously considering becoming affiliated with a salon (she previously only worked out of her home, which is about a mile and a half from where I live). I connected the two of them, let them negotiate their terms, and now, she’s been at this salon for the entire time it’s been open. And I know she’s had a lot of referrals from customers at the salon, so in a way, I feel like I’ve done a HUGE part in contributing toward her income over the years. </p>
<p>Thanks for letting me vent… and for the wonderful suggestions. I feel better about going in on Monday, and it is possible, as someone suggested above, that she may not even bring it up. And I do wish her well on her trip. It’s not up to me to judge what kind of personal growth she may experience on it, but I don’t support its activities.</p>
<p>flymetothemoon - I completely agree… I’m sure she was instructed to put everyone she has an email address for on her list, as I’m sure this was the case with other mission solicitations I’ve received. But I want to make it clear that I will not respond to these.</p>
<p>My donations to Young Life were partly due to my niece working for them, and for some reason I had no problem contributing. Her husband was in med school at the time and this organization had a huge impact on both their lives while they were in high school, and to this day she still speaks such high praises of them even though she is now a stay-at-home mom. But she wasn’t asking for money to travel somewhere else to do her job.</p>
<p>Here’s another one if you want to go along the lines of not being comfortable with the request. One year I was class mother and it was my job to coordinate a teacher gift (it was a private school and traditional for the class to go in on something). I was soliciting small contributions from everyone(something I dislike doing, personally). One of the moms said “I’m really sorry - I’m just not comfortable with that.” No further discussion needed and I had no idea why she wasn’t comfortable (finances, didn’t like the teacher, didn’t like being told what to do, wanted to get something on her own etc.). It was short, sweet, firm, to the point and quite effective!</p>
<p>If you know roughly the amount she is seeking, you could make a similar donation amount to a cause you do support in Uganda. Then you could say no, but she did get you thinking about the needs of Uganda, and as a result you recently donated X dollars to X fund because you know how vitally important it is for Uganda to have clean water wells/housing/malaria nets/domestic violence intervention (pick a cause you think is more worthy than evangelism).</p>