<p>Made me a lot more cynical of the world, in general.</p>
<p>i came away with a much better understand of what it takes to succeed, that simply knowing you have learned the material isn’t enough, the grades matter. while i didn’t get into a dream school i feel lucky that i’m going where i’m going, especially since a lot of my friends really wanted to go to this school but didnt get in. more than anything else though i learned that if you really want to accomplish a goal wanting it isn’t enough, you have to start from the first step towards making it happen. i started this too late, in my senior year of HS which did manage to help me quite a bit but not enough for certain schools. i plan to take that lesson and apply it to start from a blank slate and give myself every option i can upon graduation, whatever it is i decide i want to do with my life at that point</p>
<p>“I feel like the whole application process knocked several years off of my life.”</p>
<p>Yup, I agree…and I still have another child…We have already discussed the changes that will be made for D2…and she, after seeing what happened with her sister, totally agrees…</p>
<p>And, yes, as adults, we already knew that there were many, many factors beyond our control…Now our kids know too…</p>
<p>Great post by OP. </p>
<p>Talking to people who haven’t started the application process, i try not to sound discouraging and to remember what it was like for me this time last year. But i can’t help but feel cynical and offer a more “realistic” perspective sometimes.</p>
<p>I was always admired as being very intelligent among my peers and acquaintances. I have always done well in school and with sports and extracurriculars and was lead to believe that I am a successful person. I am the one that everyone asks for help regarding schoolwork, or advice in general, and am (without arrogance) considered one of the smartest people in my school.</p>
<p>Now I just feel like I have been completely disillusioned, by myself and others, my whole life, and in general, completely worthless.</p>
<p>yeah i kind of feel like sometimes hard work doesnt pay off and life isnt fair, but also, ive realized that one doesnt need to get into thier top choice to be content. ive come to accept that i am not one of those kids who goes to a really prestigious school because that kind of superficial stuff shouldnt matter as much as how much you contribute to your community and what you do for those who arent as lucky as you. you can go to a less prestigious school and be a good person and aware of the world. going to a prestigious school doesnt mean u have a free ride to success. =)</p>
<p>“Now I just feel like I have been completely disillusioned, by myself and others, my whole life, and in general, completely worthless.”</p>
<p>Being rejected by an excellent college (or several excellent colleges) doesn’t mean you are worthless.</p>
<p>“I have always done well in school and with sports and extracurriculars and was lead to believe that I am a successful person. I am the one that everyone asks for help regarding schoolwork, or advice in general, and am (without arrogance) considered one of the smartest people in my school.”</p>
<p>I used to have your kind of thinking, and remember the pain of feeling worthless when I didn’t live up to my or others’ expectations of myself. I’d literally get suicidally depressed over failures.</p>
<p>Since those times, though, I’ve learned to beware of the black and white thinking that results in conclusions like, “If I don’t get into this college (or don’t get this job or don’t get this fellowship…) I’m a worthless nobody.”</p>
<p>It’s important to pin your own definitions of success on things that you have control over. For instance, you had control over the content of your college applications. If you did the best that you could, then you could feel successful at having applied. If you, for instance, blew off essays at the last second or asked for recommendations at the last second, then you could decide that your app wasn’t successful since it didn’t display you at your best.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, the world is much bigger than is your school. Unless you are like Einstein, there are plenty of people who are as smart as you. </p>
<p>For instance, about 1.5 million college-bound seniors took the SAT in 2007. Of those, 28,300+ had scores in the 750-800 range on the critical reading part, and more than 35,100 had math scores in that range. There aren’t enough spaces in, for instance, the freshman classes of the top 12 colleges for all of the students who scored that high in CR or math.</p>
<p>There are more than 37,100 high schools in the U.S. and, due to the numbers of valedictorians some high schools have, there probably are more than 100,00 valedictorians. There are not enough slots for all of them in freshmen classes of top 20 colleges</p>
<p>So, no matter how wonderful your achievements have been, you weren’t guaranteed a spot at one of the nation’s top colleges, and it’s not a failure to have not achieved such an opportunity.</p>
<p>Link to PDF showing stats on how many people scored at various levels on the SAT: <a href=“College Board - SAT, AP, College Search and Admission Tools”>College Board - SAT, AP, College Search and Admission Tools;
<p>Thanks for the earlier responses. This thread is thoughtful and provoking. Everyone has added great responses so far that covers a wide (and likely accurate) range of responses. Fascinating!</p>
<p>My input: More than anything, it’s a reality check. I never (ever) imagined I would go in-state for school. Or that I wouldn’t have a decision to make. Or that I would be waitlisted. </p>
<p>Moral of the story: never expect anything. Personally, I have become a lot more dark, but most of it comes from loving the process of self-reflection and evaluation as well as creating real plans for your future and then, after it’s supposed to be over, having to restructure your life. I didn’t need any of the plans.</p>
<p>The process now has me deeply reflecting how on the moments today affect my future and (once again, but for sudden-death consequences) trying to link my dreams to reality. I guess that’s the transition to the adult world, the R-rated part of childhood dreams.</p>
<p>Sometimes I still find myself bitter at the fact that I had to compete this year, the year the most applicants in the history of college admissions applied. While I’m beginning to accept the fact that I’m going to my safety school, I still look back on all the work I went through for college, and I feel worthless because it never fulfilled what I really wanted. College was the light at the end of the tunnel for me, and now it’s simply another four years until graduate school. So now I mull over everything I should have done… apply to more schools, shown more interest in the schools I was waitlisted at, why I didn’t pull the C I had in AP Physics up to a B in time, etc. etc. etc.</p>
<p>Sometimes I feel like tearing my heart out as I learn of more people who got into schools I got rejected from, knowing that I had better stats and ECs than them, but in the end I was an Asian female and they were Hispanic or black.</p>
<p>I’ve had my fair share of rants with other friends, a lot of times I felt like going outside and screaming my head off so everybody could hear me. I’ve *****ed about affirmative action, about the seemingly arbitrary nature of college admissions, and how disgusted I feel inside. The school I used to sneer at is now where I’m going… I cannot describe how disappointed I am in myself for being so arrogant throughout the entire process.</p>
<p>I’m not happy, I’m not excited, and college never really leaves my mind. Our school’s “College day” for seniors only made me more depressed than I have been in a while. Watching your friends getting into their dream schools and trying to be happy for them is just driving the stake in even more. </p>
<p>I’ll get over it, sure… it has just been an awakening experience for me. Never take anything for granted, never count on anything for sure, and remember that sometimes you get the bitter pill and you just have to deal with it.</p>
<p>The application process has made me come to appreciate the fascinating
processes that adcoms must use at the top 5 schools in the nation to
get a consistently great class of matriculants.</p>
<p>It also made me grow up in some ways. I came to appreciate the power
of painstaking data collection, sifting and analysis; the value of challenging
my biases and modifying my world view of what is important.</p>
<p>:)</p>
<p>we had a thread going in the Parents forum a while back on a contrarian view espousing the silver lining of the admissions process:
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/417121-contrarian-view-college-admissions-why-process-healthy-our-kids.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/417121-contrarian-view-college-admissions-why-process-healthy-our-kids.html</a></p>
<p>below is the thread original post, but for the curious, there’s some interesting discussion on the remainder of the thread…cynical vs silver lining.</p>
<hr>
<p>Pam Proctor, a private college admissions counselor and consultant, describes why she is “convinced that the college admissions process is a powerful tool to prepare a student for life.” Guess this falls under the category of “if it doesn’t kill you first, its good for you”…but she has some good points, and as a parent, I tend to agree that the whole process, while challenging, certainly forces some reflection and growth which has, in our family’s case, been a wonderful thing.</p>
<p>entire article:
[Pam</a> Proctor: A contrarian view of college admissions : GuestColumns : TCPalm](<a href=“http://www.tcpalm.com/news/2007/nov/12/pam-proctor-contrarian-view-college-admissions/]Pam”>http://www.tcpalm.com/news/2007/nov/12/pam-proctor-contrarian-view-college-admissions/)</p>
<p>excerpts on benefits described in the article</p>
<p>
[quote]
You learn to sell yourself. Most people know that applying for a job requires appropriate attire, a hard-hitting r</p>
<p>A name isnt everything, that’s what you tell juniors. Sometimes enjoying life and getting #70 isntead if top five ranked can be worth it.</p>
<p>^^ as a junior myself, I promise you that you can tell us that, and we won’t believe you/listen until April next year, but that’s what I tell my annoying classmates who’s apply list is derived from USNews rankings.</p>
<p>A name isnt everything, that’s what you tell juniors. Sometimes enjoying life and getting #70 isntead if top five ranked can be worth it.</p>
<p>^^ as a junior myself, I promise you that you can tell us that, and we won’t believe you/listen until April next year, but that’s what I tell my annoying classmates who’s apply list is derived from USNews rankings.</p>
<p>I don’t think “special coaching” for the ACT/SATs really improves writing skills that much. It’s just the most simplistic way of making a 5 paragraph essay.</p>
<p>From optimistic to bitter.</p>
<p>From bitter to optimistic actually
and at the same time… more frickin indecisive than ever</p>
<p>May 1 will be interesting</p>
<p>My enlightenment has been how many really great schools there are in the US. Most countries have only a few schools that offer top quality higher educational opportunities, so only the kids with the best test scores (and the richest parents) get a shot at attending. And it’s generally a ‘one size fits all’ education…not much choice.</p>
<p>It’s also amazing that so many kids with mediocre high school grades get a second chance at education. In most countries, mediocre grades means vocational training, unless your family is wealthy enough to buy your position in society.</p>
<p>So, whenever I’m feeling cynical about the process, it helps me to step back and think about the alternatives. I feel a lot better after that.</p>
<p>I can’t say the process has given me grey hairs, but it seems like I’ve aged more these past six months than I have the three years before that. When I watch people only one year my junior list off their desired schools, I now know a little bit of what it’s like to be that cynical veteran in the war movie shaking his head at the idealistic naive recruits who talk excitedly about seeing some action. </p>
<hr>
<p>I will 100% agree with you on that, we (most of us) were arrogant and thought that we were the “exception” that would make it in. It turns out that i’m nothing more then another applicant that didn’t have what it takes, that i’m not special nor did i have any real “chance” of even making it. </p>
<p>Now that i think about it, its not gonna get any easier and i’ll have to pick up things relaly quickly in the next few months. I hope dorm life will be fun.</p>
<p>It has made me hate the system.</p>
<p>It gave me a taste of life to come, and made me even the more excited for my future.</p>