<p>When my older son way about three or so and I was crying because he was starting nursery school, my husband said something very wise:</p>
<p>Our role as parents is to help them grow to be happy, healthy, independent adults. </p>
<p>So if they’re going off to college and can cope with it all, we have succeeded. I, for one, am very proud of that.</p>
<p>(And sad too.)</p>
<p>I’m driving second son tomorrow. Actual move-in day is Tuesday and Hendrix College has stuff for parents like seminars and a convocation and a meet & greet Tuesday evening. The long goodbye culminates in a farewell lunch Wednesday which college boy insists I stay for. And he even promises to sit with me. I thought he’d want me out of his hair sooner. Oh, how am I holding up? As anxious as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.</p>
<p>I’m very tense. Overreacting ridiculously. Son’s g.f’s mother invited him to a farewell dinner and I wanted to rip her eyes out for impinging on family time. Stupid stuff like that. I’m probably just making it easier for him to leave home. It’s as if I’m angry at myself for being sad. BUt I’m not sad, I’m happy; well, both…</p>
<p>We put a pleasure trip of 3 days inbetween leaving here and going to Orientation, so that should be just what’s needed for all 3 of us (H,S, me). </p>
<p>Two eldest kids are like rocks of Gilbraltar. S replies to calls from NYC to advise on computers, packing or anything else with fresh (non-parental) voice. D is here for the summer, so can mind the house and dog while we’re gone. She finds it very wonderful to be the wise resident one. He’d rather hear things through the sibs now than through the parents; clearly gearing his ears for college living. That’s good.</p>
<p>D leaves on Wednesday. At first, I thought I would be sad since we are VERY close. I find as it gets closer that I am mainly excited for her. I know she chose the perfect school, and that she will be very happy. Even though she will be 13 hours away, we’ll have cell phone calls and emails. It really won’t be that different from when she is home. I will miss our regualr Tuesday night out though. For the last 2 years, just her and I ahve gone out every Tuesday night. Great way to connect. I am in a bit different situation than most though since my youngest D is entering Kindergarden next month, and my middle D is going into 3rd grade. Still lots of Mom time left around here!!</p>
<p>This year brings a new share of concerns and proto-anxieties. D is a senior and branches in the road between gap year (or two) employment and graduate school are looming, with fellowship applications being one of the bigger mountains on the horizon, along with test prepping (didn’t she just finish doing this?) for the GRE.</p>
<p>The first three years have pretty much blazed past.</p>
<p>TheDad - your post makes me realize how long some of us have been on CC. I can’t believe that one year has already blazed past for my kids. Too fast …</p>
<p>My oldest leaves in a week and a half, younger sister still home for 3 more precious years. I am already fearful of what I will do with myself when she leaves. I am begining to blame myself for orienting my life so much around my kids, instead of building a life for myself. Maybe my un-inspiring part-time job should have been passed-over in favor of a career, or at least a job where I’m surrounded by people with half a brain and the ability to use it independently. Maybe I should have spent more time working on really establishing friendships for myself instead of being “friends” with the parents of my kids’ friends, and when the kids part ways the parental friendships wither as well. </p>
<p>On the other hand… my kids were only young once, and I got the most out of the time we’ve had. I guess I just have to get a grip and prepare myself for the next phase of my life. </p>
<p>And our kids think they’re the only ones moving out of their comfort zones when they leave for school…</p>
<p>Am I the only one torn between wanting all this high school angst-and-drama to end, and wondering how bored I’m going to be when it does?</p>
<p>In a little less than 3 weeks, my husband and I will be taking our D to start her freshman year of college. After we get her set up in her dorm, he and I will head northward for a six-day road trip. We think it’ll be a good way to ease ourselves into the whole empty-nest thing. That said, I know I’m going to miss her a lot; she and I are quite close.</p>
<p>Wow TheDad. Are you the 1st class of graduating cc’ers?</p>
<p>D had to be at school on Friday for marching band. Two older kids moved out a week or so ago, each to their own apartments. I"ve got to tell you, this empty next thing is “da bomb”</p>
<p>Can’t stand it! Three days.</p>
<p>It reminds me of visiting distant family. The last day is always spent just “waiting” (for the inevitable departure, whether by plane, train, car, etc.). And usually, you can hear every clock chime or tick as you’re waiting.</p>
<p>DH is reminding me: “Today is our last Saturday w/ her” “Today is our last Sunday with her.” Of course it isn’t…but he means it as our last days w/ her in the family nest. He does the same thing on vacations: “We only have 3 days left” etc. Obviously he is grieving as well. I asked him several days ago, how he felt, and his response is that it made him afraid, because he knows what it is signaling (getting older…etc.) AAUUGGHH! </p>
<p>I’m apprehensive. It is time for me to change things as well, but don’t have a plan in action yet. We’re looking for a new home to downsize. I’m going to start job hunting again and don’t have a clue what direction I want to take. I’ve been working part time, and need to consider more hours and more stability. I also want a BIG change from what I’m doing now. </p>
<p>I am crying a lot too – over little things. Oh wait…maybe that’s because of the big “M” !</p>
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<p>No, Alummother, but the rocks were still cooling and ferns had yet to make their appearance, let alone anything crawling out of the sea and onto the land. Iirc, I remember when the 50,000 post mark was passed *for the whole board.*I think the board as a whole had been in existence maybe two years before I found it but these things start slowly.</p>
<p>I am not the longest posting poster still around, however. I went back through the archives and found posts by the community that was here when I got here and saw a few handles that still pop up occasionally. </p>
<p>I was once accused of narcissism because of “TheDad.” The explanation is far less interesting…one of the few dads posting was “ADad.” I simply took the next handle in that queue. “AnotherDad” followed shortly thereafter. </p>
<p>CC was a bit like a frontier town in those days and now it’s more like a metropolis. Many of the changes are positive but there are some things, and many people, both parents and students, I miss from the old days. Which for me, are all of about five years ago. </p>
<p>The parents were uniformly a good group back then. Some of the students, however–and there wasn’t a separate area for the parents–were real…umm…I guess “jerks” is about the strongest word that I can get past the profanity filters thought that is understated.</p>
<p>I hang around for various reasons and with grad/professional school around the corner, even though D is doing her own scouting & such, I still find tidbits to pass on to her that she appreciates. In some moods.</p>
<p>The object of this reminiscence is This, too, shall pass.</p>
<p>This time last year, S was packing his stuff for a year in China. He knew no Mandarin so you can imagine that I was pretty much a maniac at the time. He’s off to college in a week or so and I find myself obsessing over whether or not he has enough chapstick to last until parents’ weekend. I don’t know when it will sink in with me that he can do all this - and more - himself.</p>
<p>Woody: DS is going off to freezing cold New Hampshire, so I bought him one of those 8-packs of ChapSticks!! For me, it’s all about making my presence and concern known, even when I can’t be there in person. And taking care of my baby even when I’m 200 miles away.</p>
<p>Today DH and I looked at a house to downsize to. It’s way pre-mature – it’s farther away from the City, where I commute to every day – but it’s given me a future to think about that doesn’t include The Kids.</p>
<p>That’s what we all need – stuff to look forward to that doesn’t include The Kids.</p>
<p>Anybody looking to change homes should check out <a href=“http://www.realtor.com%5B/url%5D”>www.realtor.com</a> – great fun! But if you are really feeling the grief of empty-nesting, don’t make any big decisions for a while. It’s not wise to make big changes on top of the big change you’re going through now. One thing at a time.</p>
<p>Wise words, Novelisto. We’re not going to downsize quite yet; just starting to think. The house that we saw had lots going for us from our perspective. I kinda wish we were ready to do it, but I guess I recognize it’s not time yet.</p>
<p>But it never hurts to look around, so that when we’re ready we’ll know what’s out there.</p>
<p>TheDad - Yes, you all were really funny in those days. I remember. I lurked before I joined, although I think I joined just after the change to the current format was made. My 2nd and last will be a senior this year. Currently D, about to be a college junior, is making no noises about grad school. </p>
<p>This too shall pass. For better or for worse and all of that. I’m feeling pretty elegiac, having just read the latest Richard Ford book:).</p>
<p>Youngest one heads off for freshman year in less than two weeks; one will be 720 miles away, the other will be 770 miles away. I’m in denial… works pretty good for me - in fact, I never saw this thread - it’s all an illusion, right?</p>
<p>TheDad: I lurked for awhile before finally joining S2’s senior year – he’s now a senior again! Hard to believe that much time has gone past. With D, the youngest, heading off in two days, I figured my time here was about up. But both S’s have announced in the past couple weeks that they are considering grad school aps this fall. I expect to be much less actively involved, but the worrying is still my job.</p>
<p>Binx, yeah, we get to worry. And at least gather terrain maps so that we can understand what they’re facing in terms of further life-determining decisions.</p>