I think we have a win/win situation in my family. I think I’m the boss, my husband thinks I’m the secretary. We’re both happy, because we both know we are absolutely correct.
Of course, the reality is, the dogs in the cart are the bosses, and know how to make us cater to their every demand.
There are a couple of sayings “If mamma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. If dad ain’t happy, no on cares!” and “Happy wife, happy life”. And I know the married men on this thread won’t be offended with “The rooster may crow, but the hen delivers the goods”.
My H does a good job bringing home the bacon. I have a wider circle of social life, interests, and ability to provide useful information for our family (including financial). In many ways he has simple life ways and knows how to be happy.
Mrs Stark surprised you @dstark - she was ready to feel some security once she cut her hours.
@SOSConcern, my wife did surprise me. I like your explanation.
Just for the record, my wife and I are partners. There is no boss.
DH advises new husbands that the key to a happy marriage is learning to say, “Yes, Dear”. However he does not follow that advise as much as I’d like 
^^Many years back, I advised my husband that he needed to constantly remember to say, “Thank You”, and “I’m sorry.” He got very good at that, however, it backfired on him when once I brought him his dinner, and he murmured, “I’m sorry”. That’s when I knew for sure that he didn’t mean it, and was just placating me. We still laugh about that one.
Of course, I’m not much of a cook, so maybe I should have said, “I’m sorry,” when I brought him his dinner? 
This isn’t exactly retirement related, but it’s about money and older people, and I get lots of good advice here, so I’m back. My mother gets no retirement except social security. She lost all of her retirement nest egg, with lots of help from one of her sisters, who invested in a big house and many many high end purchases she never should have indulged in (the sister, not my mother, who until that time lived very frugally). Now, my aunt has used my mother’s credit card, for things mostly related to my mother and the house they live in. But she is carrying something like an 18K balance on my mom’s credit card, and cannot afford to pay it off. I don’t beleive my mother realized there was a high balance on her card until just recently. She knew her sister was using her card, and she probably assumed it was being paid off each month or so. My mother has basically just abdicated her responsibilities to her sister. In my entire adult life, I’ve rarely paid interest on any credit card. My aunt has gone so far as to suggest my mother file for bankruptcy. I am thinking of paying off this credit card, because I hate the thought of my mom filing for bankruptcy, and I hate the thought of all that interest accruing. Then I would close the account, so this doesn’t happen again. My mother would never consider taking legal action against her sister, so please don’t suggest that. Any other ideas? I am not particularly well off, and we have three kids in college. But I have inherited a little bit of money recently, and have enough savings to cover this. At some point I may likely become responsible for everything related to my mother. Thanks in advance.
Close the card now. Let the creditor go after the estate later. Tell them an unauthorized user was using the card and the card has been closed. Does the sister have access to identifying info that would enable her to open other accounts in your mom’s name?
Thanks @CountingDown. My mom will be visiting in a couple of weeks, and if I can close it with a balance, I will.
My SIL closed accounts when my brother was running amuck. No need to let more charges accrue.
But closing it does not eliminate the balance - it just prevents further usage of the card. Why not threaten the aunt with legal action unless she gives you money towards the repayment? You pay it off in full and then she repays you monthly. Seems crazy to let her get away with this. Even if your mother does not want to take legal action - no reason you can’t still hold that possibility over aunt’s head to make her do the right thing.
Legal action may not be possible because the aunt was given permission.
My aunt definitely knows I’m on to her spending, as is our extended family. Many of us are encouraging her to watch her spending, as she has already borrowed froma couple of her siblings.
Is this a spending issue or a lack of income issue?
@dstark, it’s both. My mother is on a very limited income, and her sister has a serious spending problem. My mother would “do without” unless she could afford something. Her sister has maxed out her own cards, and put some things on my moms. My mom was not paying attention to what was going on, until recently. My aunt mentioned something to me along the way, at one point, but I didn’t realize the extent of what’s been going on.
I would like to share my experience when thinking about opportunity and cost of living. (like the Bay area versus TX)
Sometimes career opportunities may be more plentiful in a particular area, but if the cost of living negatively affects your quality of life and longterm goals, I suggest researching employment in a more affordable location. Less opportunity may translate into more risk, but it can pay off.
My DH and I relocated to Texas post-graduation. Personally, I wasn’t a fan of the weather and the culture took a little bit of time to adjust to, but in hindsight it was probably the biggest contributor to our current financial situation. No state income tax and a low cost of living for our first 6 yrs together, set us on an early retirement path…and yes, we both come from modest backgrounds.
I just wanted to share our story, because there are many paths from which to choose. Our Texas experience is forever a part of us; and we still keep in touch with friends from 20 years ago. But like choosing a college to attend, you don’t have to chase prestige for opportunity. You can be equally successful - and happy - by taking the path less traveled. I think knowing yourself, your goals, and your likes and dislikes, while ignoring the pressure of what others will think, leads to a good outcome.
P.S. I’m not biased against the Bay area. My younger brother lives in San Francisco and loves it! I love to visit.
@1214mom, then, as you know, you have two issues. Spending and income. You have to deal with both of those issues. Sounds like family members may have to consider supplementing your mom and your aunt’s income while controlling their borrowing. I know this stinks but what alternative is there?
I helped a man and his wife with too much credit card debt by paying for the bankruptcy. I think it cost me $2,000. Their credit card debt was $100,000. Job losses and very bad decisions. Or were they bad decisions? They got to keep the house, a car, and furnishings after the bankruptcy. They did not change their personalities. Eventually, they had to sell their house. i don’t know what happened to them. I said I would help them once. When they had to sell their house, I said no. No help from me.
@88jm19, 
. There are many ways to live a life. Wherever we go, we are still there.
Freeze mom’s credit so aunt cannot do any additional damage with accounts you do not know about. Have to deal with all three credit reporting agencies.
If you have the $$ to clean up your mom’s account. However down the road it may mean selling the house that is shared. Are the property taxes being paid?
You mom can ask the CC company to issue a new card with a new number without closing it (saying it’s lost).
I’ve seen situations like your mom and her sister. Usually, it’s an adult child abusing the parent’s card. If one account is closed, the abuser finds a way to open another. 'What’s yours is mine". I’ve had people pay off the credit balance to find the situation is just as bad the following year.
If your mom is passive and not interested in financial affairs, and unable to stand up to her sister, you will need to take charge, or find a Guardian. Sorry, but I don’t expect your aunt to learn to be frugal.
Pleased to say that after re-balancing our 401k, and directing fund a bit differently (like dumping the under-performing fund), personal return, year to date went up from 5.33% (through 7/31) to 5.84% and an account gain of over $3200. H will be happy to see that when he gets home Next meeting with financial guy Don when H is close to 59.5 at end of year to see the decisions we need to make on how we need to move our money and how much to move. Getting excited.