He is 86. A lifetime of doing things for himself (think jack hammering for plumbing, hanging upside down installing a roof at 80), dug a basement, added two stories and expanded the house in all sides, just him and his poor family. And now he’s injured and has to crawl out of his own home because he’s never been willing to pay someone to make his house liveable for a senior. You should hear how my mother screams about this. But just saying he’s willing to hire someone is huge.
Is your dad expected to recover from his injury?
"He’d be happy if me, my Mom and my husband did all the work for free, while he directed everything, of course. However, they have a great deal of money (think a million plus, with almost no bills, ss and pension coming in), and I’m not going to ask my husband to do my Dad’s projects because he’s cheap! "
@busdriver11 Any grandkids that can help out? My son, when he’s home, helps out my parents a lot. He enjoys the time with them, learns a lot from my dad who is very, very handy yet has had to slow down a bit with knowledge being passed down (my kids tend to take instruction better from grandparents than parents! 
), enjoys lunch with the grandparents, and although he always offers to help with no payment, typically gets slipped $ by grandpa. It’s win/win all around. It was cute that last time my teenaged son insisted on picking up and buying the sandwiches at the local deli the last time because Grandma and Grandpa always paid for lunch and he wanted to this time. he really enjoys the time alone with them.
Unfortunately not, doschicos. My kids live thousands of miles away and aren’t evfen interested doing my husbands projects for $20/hr. They’d be happy to fix Grandpas tech issues for free, though.
But I just talked to my mom, who had a handyman come over who agreed to do work, against my Dad’s protestations. But now Dad has agreed, so this could be the start of a beautiful relationship!
@busdriver11 I’m sure once he gets the guy in there and gets used to it (assuming he does a good job) all will go well. Our parents are children of parents who lived through the Great Depression and were raised to be frugal. That, plus having to admit they are too old to do a lot themselves, must make it hard to hire people to do what they were used to doing themselves.
Yippee! Sometimes, it’s all in the timing and personalities. Hope it works! My dad has decided H is cheaper than hiring someone, tho H is very busy with his own projects that he dies himself and dad could well afford hiring someone or ask his many kids or grandkids.
MIL used to wait until Mr. Arabrab came for visits to get ceiling lightbulbs changed – even though she had full-time caregivers. @-) Nothing like having a dimly lit hallway when you’re in your late 80’s and falling is a constant issue.
That is one aspect of the depression era generation I am glad is going away.
“Is your dad expected to recover from his injury?”
Who knows! I thought he was a goner for sure last year when he spent five months in bed because of a foot injury. You can’t spend that kind of time in bed when you’re elderly and expect to survive it, but he did. Then he got carried away hiking around and hurt himself again. They’re actually not even sure what’s causing the pain, but at least I got him to try some pot pills because he refuses to take pain medication. Helped a little bit. Was wondering if some of the texts he sent me were when he was on the stuff…off the wall 
Sounds like my Dad isn’t the only one who is having a tough time hiring someone, but really, isn’t that what your money is for in your retirement? To make your life more pleasant? So much easier to get your kids to do it. Unfortunately Dad has alienated his SIL, who is very handy, strong and a construction superman. I am always tempted to ask him if baiting my husband about politics, dancing around singing, “Loser, loser, loser,” after elections was worth losing the best free handyman he could have ever had. Note to self…never harass future daughter in laws!!
@busdriver11, completely agree. We are being very welcoming to ShawSon’s current GF as she looks like a winner – she’s quite quirky but in a way that works very well with him. And they both seem quite in love with each other. We are genuinely pretty warm and welcoming (especially ShawWife) but we are probably even more so now.
I think we will shoot for one-level living (maybe a 2nd floor with BRs for visitors) when we downsize from our current house. The houseboat is two stories. And there’s a ramp and another ramp. Probably not a place for someone in their late 80s or 90s. Have to think about that.
busdriver, your dad and mine must be related. We have been arguing about a rail off the front steps for three years now. He wants to do it himself. I am ready to pay for the %$#@ thing myself. My younger brother designs this kind of stuff and I discussed it with him, but then he mentioned it to my dad, and Dad wants to be in charge of it. Of course this means nothing will get done. There are no rails, all of the steps have signficant damage, and the lighting outside is not close to satisfactory.
It is comforting to read that many of us are sharing the same ‘parents aging in place’ stories. This must be the year for the stair railing…
I try to explain how much more it would cost to live in assisted living versus perhaps a $5-$10K outlay to make the house safe. Modifications will probably wait until the next fall…
Am trying to convince the two widowed sisters to move in together and use the savings (in property taxes alone) to hire a driver or helper, but neither wants to move from her current home, and selling both houses and paying capital gains and then buying a new home…not going to happen.
How about suggesting that the railings be put in for someone else? Maybe the reluctant dads would be less resistant if they were putting in the improvement for other people. I’m only 54 and I’m always grateful for railings.
Honestly, I can’t believe how many luxury homes in this area (snow! ice!) are built with dramatic front steps without railings. A dear older friend has a Parkinson’s-like disease, and helping him navigate those steps is always a worry.
CT1417
re: two widowed sisters.
IF they were on title on the deed to the home while they were married, there will be NO capital gains if /when they sell.
At the time of death of a spouse the value of the capital gains “steps ups” to its current property value for the surviving spouse.
They or you should contact an attny to go over each case just to be sure of this.
@menloparkmom – I thought the value stepped up for the half of the house that was owned by the deceased spouse. So, property jointly owned by husband & wife. Husband dies, then property value of entire property steps up for surviving wife? We had the house appraised a few months after my father died b/c I knew about the stepped up value then but I guess I am confused about its application. It has been a number of years since my father died but I do not think the house has appreciated more than $250K since my father died. Does the surviving spouse receive the $250K exemption on the new stepped-up basis?
Guess I had better look into that one a bit more! THANK YOU!
“busdriver, your dad and mine must be related. We have been arguing about a rail off the front steps for three years now. He wants to do it himself. I am ready to pay for the %$#@ thing myself. My younger brother designs this kind of stuff and I discussed it with him, but then he mentioned it to my dad, and Dad wants to be in charge of it. Of course this means nothing will get done. There are no rails, all of the steps have signficant damage, and the lighting outside is not close to satisfactory”
Maybe they are related. Is he Finnish (and crazily stubborn)? For some reason I was thinking you were Finnish, but I have lost my mind and have forgotten what happened two minutes ago! My mom was finally able to talk him into letting the handyman do it when she told him they are going to have to hire someone to take him out of the house and back every time, because it’s too dangerous for him to keep falling, and that would be very expensive if it takes him a year to do this. Cheapness talks. He has been designing it like crazy all day, so hopefully the handyman will listen to him a bit. If it is going to take too long to get done, I found this online, and I think it is super easy to install, even I could do it! I told them I’d put this up as a temporary fix, and then he could take forever to design and get the other one installed. However, this is actually a permanent but easy solution, so even if he didn’t get it done, this looks very adequate.
http://www.simplifiedbuilding.com/store/kits/handrail-kits/surface-mount-railings.html
" I try to explain how much more it would cost to live in assisted living versus perhaps a $5-$10K outlay to make the house safe. Modifications will probably wait until the next fall…"
@CT1417, I went to an Aging Options seminar awhile ago, to listen to this guy I hear on the radio all the time. He is awesome. He was very adamant that there are SO many people that end up in a nursing home or assisted living unnecessarily, when all they need to do is make their house livable for senior citizens. That so many people would much prefer to stay home, but they leave themselves no options when they can’t get around in their own home. It’s such a waste of money for some people, to not just get things taken care of, and sad that they have to leave their home when they don’t want to. 
@busdriver11 – this is the conversation I am having with several friends. We all know what should be done, but trying to convince our parents to spend the money that would allow them to remain in their houses is an uphill battle. Simple enough fixes: have a washer/dryer installed in one of the many empty bedrooms (backed up to bathroom plumbing), hand rails, and the shower, which is not as easy.
Even hiring a sort of part-time caretaker/driver would be SO much less expensive than living elsewhere.
A couple of family members have fallen on the steps over the years. They are not a standard rise or depth. I’m tempted to have someone jackhammer the entire thing and start over, but part of it is concrete that’s part of the foundation.
And don’t get me started on the ramp from the second floor back deck to ground level. It is extremely steep (never would pass an inspection, though he built it to support a tank), and it used to take six guys with a gurney to get my mom out to an ambulance to go to the doctor. I fell on the ramp in December because it hadn’t been pressure washed in 20 years. A little drizzle was all it took to make the wood smooth as ice. My hand still bothers me. And given my dad’s reaction to my fall (DH was vocal about his unhappiness at the lack of maintenance), I think Dad will dig in his heels and refuse to do anything.
I really want to get things in place so that we are not a burden to our kids. DH will have to start thinking about these things, but he is nowhere near ready.