Yes, they use some ‘energy’ for the first step but then procrastinate the rest of it. Mentally want to believe they have checked off the box.
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We put all of our rental properties in one trust, and our personal residence in the second.
We wanted to keep business assets segregated from personal assets.
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We were advised by the attorneys we interviewed (and the two we’ve hired over the years) to each have our own trust. Now that I think about it so were several people we know, in different states too. I don’t know the reason(s) but may be worth asking.
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I don’t remember our first trust, but since 2018 we have only had a “family trust”. Revisions have been called “restatements”. (We haven’t needed to retitle assets when we have modified the trust). We are in Virginia.
Does anyone know about the “compact” or agreement between states, to honor estate planning documents from each other (states)?
We have learned so much from the process of creating an estate plan. Trust/will/POA and encouragement to write a letter to explain everything to our adult children. I will admit I was not curious or informed enough to ask the right questions as my father was explaining his estate plan to me. Now, I have dug through paperwork of my grandfather/grandmother’s trust, my uncle’s trust, and my father’s trust, all found in my father’s files after he passed. All the education I have stuffed into my head is worth it.
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What would that letter say?
The letter as it currently exists is mostly about how to execute our wishes from a tactical standpoint - here is where the excel spreadsheet is, here is where the safety deposit box is, here is where the trust documents are, here is where Mom’s silver and Grandmother’s necklace is, stuff like that. I am thinking about all that I have learned from my family’s story, and my husband’s family, and maybe there should be something in writing about that. My logic is that the more guidance we give, the less our kids will rely on an outside third-party, such as an attorney, for guidance. Also, right now I would be talking to a 33- and 30- year-old. But they will be very different by the time they use this information. These are just my thoughts.
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It’s an interesting conversation
My mil keeps talking about putting notes on certain items. Mostly because there’s a cousin who would like some things from her side of the family.
That’s great, the family is happy to give those to their cousin if she wants them.
Has my mil actually gone through her things and put notes on them? I’m not sure but if I had to guess she hasn’t.
What I really wish she would do is have a plan for EMS and an alert system. Those I know she’s never done.
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My kids specifically asked us not to put random notes on things. If there is something special, there are two ways they both would like this dealt with. 1. Have us give whatever to them now. 2. Make a list of what goes to each of them.
We have already discussed our belongings with them, and they have indicated things they want. No overlap and no disagreement. My suggestion was that they come and take whatever they want themselves since they are co-executors. Then sell the rest. Or give it way.
At this point, it’s likely we will just give the stuff that DD wants to her sooner than later.
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Gotcha. In our case, I’m an attorney so we definitely want/ just expect them to rely on my partners for assistance.
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A will can incorporate by reference a list of “tangible personal property” if the will sufficiently describes the document and identifies where it can be found. At least that is allowed in our state.
It’s my mil, who’s 89.
Her kids didn’t ask her anything. She got this bug in her ear from her ex sil about a niece. That wants some things.
Like many things, my mil isn’t asking for advice. She keeps telling us that this niece wants some items. What they are, I have no idea. And no control over.
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My 93 year old MIL has sticky notes on a lot of things in her house that she decided her kids want. Most of the marked stuff…no one wants. The executors will deal with the “stuff” somehow.
I think it must be a thing with that age group to use sticky notes like this.
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My in laws graciously offered me a beautiful showpiece item which they considered valuable. We all know from estate sales that most stuff is not so valuable!
I told them I would be honored to pick it up next time I drove down as I could not take it on the plane. The next time we visited, their live in caregiver grabbed me as I walked in the door to let me know a “close family friend” took the item. I guess they forgot they “gave” it to me. 
I was less annoyed by the “loss” of the item than by the moxie of this pushy person for whom that behavior was unsurprising.
Later, it was interesting to see how others acted about silly little valuables as we cleared out the house!
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Re: silly little valuables. My SIL still goes into a full fury mode when someone mentions that stupid “aunt Kate’s icon.” It was an image of some saint that SIL really liked for some reason and wanted to inherit, but some very distant relatives of the deceased grabbed it as soon as they could. It was not valuable or anything special, but to SIL, it was very meaningful for some reason. Go figure.
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For kicks, I went on to ChatGpt and started to query about planning for post retirement allocation of assets as we draw down from savings and SS. The query became increasingly detailed. What I got back made sense. I then asked my FA to go through the exercise for me. It will be interesting to see what she comes up with vs AI.
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I think(?) this is a gift link.
Her Husband Died Unexpectedly. She Spent a Year Untangling Their Finances.
It is important to have all your info gathered together, ideally with both spouses understanding at least a little bit. We’ve accomplished this by getting a fee-based Financial Advisor before retirement, having quarterly meetings (which focus on tax optimization and spend-down strategies, not investment returns). FA knows about all our assets, even those not under his management/fees, based on a splendid summary page from my husband’s super-complicated spreadsheet. Helpful to me too to have the summary. Other couples could accomplish the same thing by finding other methods to force discipline fo documentation / communication… without paying a fee. This is just what has worked for us.
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IMO, financial advisors are similar to tax advisors.
Do you have a complicated situation? Are you comfortable making decisons?
Do you needs someone to help you organize? Do you need specialized help?
Do you want to outsource it because you don’t to deal with it?
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This is another reason I rely on a planner and her firm. H wouldn’t know where to start. I have a spreadsheet that I use to manage monthly expenses and he is uninterested.
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Very good article, and glad she had the email trail to get her to an advisor she liked and then handle things. Also, good suggestion on recording her husband detailing why he handled certain accounts various ways – that could have been scrutinized for informed decision-making.
It was fortuitous that the couple in the article made the move, and then a few weeks later he died at age 80.
When everything is in place and both spouses know a bit, along with their FA.
I have got to continue to make lists - so I can have things thought through with house sale, out of state move, picking up in new state w/o forgetting things (handling items so not solely relying on mail forwarding). We might not have our own home in the new state for a while, which complicates mail forwarding - have to get a PO Box I guess, although not very convenient.
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