My mil called today to tell us that they have written me into their will. If my husband predeceases the last of his parents, they have decided to write me into their estate.
They had to change things because when they set up their estate, if my husband passed away before them, the entire estate would go to his brother. That was a mistake that somehow has taken 20 years for someone to notice. Now if that happens, his share will be split between myself and our children.
I think the will wasn’t set up correctly in the first place but I also think my mil did not want to give any of their money to my ex sil.
We’ve saved for our retirement and I certainly want my husband to be around for a long time. But I also am glad for some clarity in splitting the estate when that time comes.
I get emails for those trips! It’s fun to look but we are nowhere near spending that kind of $$. If I knew I only had a year to live I might consider it though.
Yeah, but after spending so much time with people and getting to know them, I think most were pretty wealthy. I think we were just about the only people who hadn’t gone to Antarctica and Africa. Thought we were well traveled, nope, a lot of people with luxurious vacations, business owners, multiple homes. Very interesting traveling in these circles briefly.
On our last cruise we met a couple that owned multiple homes including a condo near their children so they didn’t have to stay with them. It might have been their 3rd or 4th home. They obviously had a lot.
My husband and I decided though that the farmer from Nebraska was probably the wealthiest on our cruise. He owned a lot of farmland! Nicest guy!
There is lots of wealth out there. I hope you had a good time, sounds like a very cool trip.
One of the original owners of our house must have been well off and loved travel so much. We still get brochures addressed to her… very expensive trips like the Four Seasons ones. It is fun to flip through that mail before putting it in the recycling bin.
I’m trying to convince my husband to go on a cruise to Alaska. He worked in the diagnostics industry for a few years so the idea is anathema to him. Noro!!!
What company did you end up going with? My sister is looking at going with a friend. She doesn’t have a huge travel budget but they would share a cabin.
It was Scenic River cruises. Much more luxurious than any other cruise line we’ve been on, which likely explains the preponderance of wealthy people. We aren’t used to this kind of trip, but I think with practice, we could adapt.
My spouse talks about moving took a lower tax state. Give up our friends, family, world-class healthcare, access to 3 major airports, a good economy, arts & cultural events? I might move one day to be closer to my kids or if I found a new place that I loved, but I don’t think for lower taxes (for what our individual “normal person” financial situation is).
On the topic of lifestyle in retirement, I am coming around to an awareness that we will save a lot of money because we will not be trying to signal status. I can drive my old (yet well-maintained) car, I don’t need to “update” my kitchen or bathrooms to impress people, I can wear comfortable and serviceable clothes because I don’t need to signal my status at work. We’ve achieved what we’re going to achieve in life, it is what it is, and we have nothing to prove. I used to wonder why some people let themselves become “shabby” in old age and I assumed it was financial straits, but now I wonder if it’s just because you simply get to the point where you don’t care about how people see you. I don’t want to become “shabby,” I just realize that, as Will Rodgers said, we spend money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like.
@NJSue we are sort of the opposite, but it’s not to impress anyone. It’s to make us happy. We both got new cars when we retired. Had the whole interior of the house painted. Got granite counters and all new appliances, and had cabinets painted. Wood floors refinished. Landscaping done.
Looking at new living room furniture and carpet for upstairs.
Reality is…we are spending a LOT more time at home and we want it to look nice for us!
We also purged most of our work clothes and bought new more casual clothing.
Because now we are retired…and these are things we want.
@NJSue - that’s a perfectly valid point of view. However people don’t necessarily spend money just to impress others. For example, we redid a bathroom in our house ( the one H uses) because it had a very deep tub and it was difficult for him to get into/ out of with his bad knee. No one except us ( and our kids) even goes upstairs in our house and sees it so we’re not trying to impress.
That’s just one example. I generally don’t judge other people’s spending choices nor does much impress me. I try to stay in my own lane. There are things we spend on and things we don’t. For some there is freedom in not feeling you “ have “ to spend. For others it may be that after many years of working, they find themselves in fortunate financial situations and feel like splurging a bit after saving for so long. As long as no one else is asking me to pay for it.
I get it. When I was in college, I was horrified at the age of my parents’ couch. It’s 20 years old! Can you imagine?! Now I look around at my 20-30 year old stuff and think “eh. It still works.”
We do do some upgrades but we also are still working and hope to sell someday. And partially for us. Though ours are also done on the cheaper end of the scale compared to here. Our whole kitchen was around $15-20K including appliances (though not flooring) this was in 2016 but still…
I think one of the reasons is that as you get older, it gets hard to go to the store, hard to navigate the internet and buy things. It’s easier just not to buy unless you absolutely need it. And then you have to hire someone to do what you used to be able to do yourself.
Also time passes quickly and before you know it, it’s been 20 years. You think something happened a couple of years ago but it’s actually been a decade or more
I don’t think we’ve ever made any purchase decisions to convey status. In our retirement go-go years, we’ve made some splurgy decisions on travel. And my upcoming replacement for the 19 year old mini-van is a step up. To be honest, I find it a bit awkward because some of our retiree friends have a much tighter budget.
I’m just being honest. We live in an area where status consumption is a big thing (NYC area) and suburbs are very stratified by socioeconomic status. To step back from that is extremely liberating. I am not saying that I am some kind of holy ascetic, not by a long shot. But I live in rat race central and there is some sort of relief in not playing the game anymore.
Do you wish you had made these lifestyle choices years ago? I may be wrong but I feel like the majority of non-retired people are not living and spending their life to keep up with the Joneses. In fact, many cannot - it’s not a choice .
We have spent a lot of money on status, yes. Ironically, mostly on college status (full pay at a fancy NE LAC for our only child, who graduated in 2016). We have spent to live in a particular suburb; not super-elite, but not lower-middle either. Where we live, quality public schools cost a shedload in real estate and property taxes. My husband went to boarding school but I did not want that for our daughter. Yes, I know that everything is a choice and we have made our choices.
I grew up in the Midwest and spent my adult life in the Northeast. It’s different. There is so much money sloshing around here that perspective becomes harder to maintain.
